Savage Love Letter of the Day: Reader Advice Round-up

Comments

1
Really disappointed you amplified the comment to be a "responsible consumer of survival prostitution". The point is - it's *survival* prostitution. Not undertaken out of desire or a sex-positive career choice, but because the person is in a bad enough situation they feel they need to engage in sex to survive.

So, no, don't purchase their services for a few hook-ups because you'll treat them nicely - they likely don't want to be having sex with you at all, as a free choice. You're not personallt pressuring them, sure, but their situation is overriding their free will.

So no, don't have sex with them 3x in order to mention services they might want to look up. Don't be someone using their body as a result of their desperation.
2
Either I imagined it, or my post has gone missing.
Dan, your job is hard, you have to put up with all these people wanting you to be God, dammit.
Bloody hell, know that many many many people love that you keep on with helping penises find vaginas. These are turbulent times, hold on.
3
"No, I DID NOT vote for the asshole Trump either."

I guess David Duke was her write-in.
4
What's with calling a gay man with a vicious tongue madam.. has that crossed genders now, that word. yeah Dan, get a hair cut and get a real job.
5
Dan,
You did advise the caller to report her boyfriend to children's protective services. But then one of the responses aired at the end was some guy who basically acted like it was absurd to report someone for a messy house.

As a mandated reporter and someone who has talked many times to children's services, it is important to always hotline when you have concerns about a child. It is their job to determine if it rises to the level of abuse or neglect. You explained that well, the person who called in response did not seem to grasp the difference between something akin to cluttered and so disgusting it can be dangerous or harmful to a child.

TL/DR: your advice was spot on. A caller left a kind of shitty response, someone else felt compelled to comment on.
6
DISCLAIMER: I did not listen to the podcast and am not offering this up in response to the specifics of the advice given. (Dan's advice is usually very good.)

HOWEVER, I'm still friends with my girlfriend from college, who worked as a social worker in child services for close to a decade. And I wanted to point out that the kindergarten teacher's rosy endorsement of calling the authorities needs to be scaled way, way back. It's not the case that a call will necessarily result in a bunch of highly trained professionals performing a top notch investigation and a rational course of action for protecting the welfare of the child. She had plenty of stories of overworked, incompetent, or callous social workers, sometimes with the aid of zealous police officers, coming in and destroying families. You can easily wind up in a situation in which a flawed but loving family is split apart and the kids wind up being molested while in foster care.

By all means, if there is evidence of child endangerment, call. But that is NOT a trivial decision and should NOT be taken lightly.
7
Completely agree with @6. "The authorities are nice people who are here to help" is a naive view at best, very dangerous at worst. If at all possible speak to the parents before coming to any conclusions. When I was a small child someone called child services on my parents because my sister is autistic and behaved strangely. A simple conversation could have avoided this whole mess.
8
Undead @3: The pearl-clutcher identified himself as a gay man, though Dan called him "madam."
9
Lava... the first graph of my response to that gay man is lifted from Molière's The Misanthrope. Kept that "madam" to be faithful to the source, of course, but also because it kinda felt like a 17th Century version of, "Oh, gurl..."

Just playin'.
10
@6 As a former attorney, I can attest to this. It's a tough call, though, because sometimes it is the only way to get help for the family, but it is like a roller coaster ride you can't stop when you choose. The system will barrel forward until IT thinks it is done.
11
Dan @9, ok .. thanks for the explanation.
I was about to reread and check out your first graph, I didn't remember seeing any. Ha. Stay cool Dan.
If we all get blown to bits, thanks, it's been fun.
12
OMAGA! Dan, I do so love drunk verbosity! I suffer from it myself.