Recent Savage Love Letters of the Day: Should there be rainbow tiki torch parades? Does the tip count? Should she keep fucking that Nazi? Should she stay in the closet with her friend? Also: last week's column and Savage Lovecast.
I said what I had to say. Now readers, listeners, and potential-Nazi-fuckers get their say....
Just wanted to drop you a quick line and say I fucked the alt-right right out of my husband. The first time he said to me, "Well, I'm all for the gays being able to have a union, but they shouldn't call it marriage," I was a bit taken aback, but here we are, 12 years and two kids later, and he is super left wing, he's actually probably more left wing than I am. I get a swell of pride whenever he gets into arguments with misogynists on the internet. His family is super alt-right, so it was all he got growing up and he was just sort of parroting what he had heard. He was, however really open minded.
So what did I do? Well first I taught him how to argue, because he thought that yelling at each other was how you debated and the loudest person won. Then I just challenged him, on everything. With some things, like the gay marriage conversation, it was simply a matter of saying, "Why shouldn't they call it marriage? How does it affect you if they call it marriage or not?" But with other stuff (like changing his mind about safe drug injection sites) it required peer reviewed journals to finally sway him.
Maybe I just like a project, but refusing to screw a Nazi isn't going to make him stop being a Nazi. Same with "unfriending a Nazi on Facebook," etc. It just serves to insulate them further in their bubbles. Challenging an open-minded guy about his view points during their frequent political decisions will absolutely stop him from being a Nazi, and I think the overall goal is "fewer Nazis" not "Nazis get less sex" and in this case they aren't the same thing. Worked for me, and my husband was an open minded guy who was just brainwashed by his family.
Also on the Nazi-fucking subject:
Just be honest. At the end of the day you don't care about his personality, he turns you on and you want to have sex with him. Live your truth.
My truth is still this: Don't fuck Nazis. Nice to see that OKCupid is on my side...
We were alerted that white supremacist Chris Cantwell was on OkCupid. Within 10 minutes we banned him for life.— OkCupid (@okcupid) August 17, 2017
In regards to Prozac Lover/Healer:
My partner and I went through this when she started taking antidepressants. They were absolutely necessary for her mental health, but unfortunately the side effect was that she simply could not orgasm any longer from anything I could do with my mouth, fingers, or dick. As with most questions in life, the answer was "Hitachi magic wand." She was not very into the idea of toys at all, so it took a long dry spell before she was willing to give it a try. Eventually she decided to give it a shot, though, and it's basically been a staple of our sex life ever since.
Graphic details: Our general routine now is basically that we typically just make out and do other foreplay stuff while she gets at least one orgasm with the wand (more if possible) before we do anything that involves my dick in any serious capacity. Even after that, though, the wand often stays involved as she tries to get another one (or two, or five) while I'm getting there. It required a bit of adjustment, but the end result is an arrangement that we're both very happy with, and that results in more and better orgasms all around.
Dan, I think you missed this one. I'm a bisexual man, happily married to a hesbian female (looks like a dyke, but loves cock, sometimes two at a time). And we love football. Not only do we have season tickets to Tennessee on the college level, but NFL Sunday ticket so I can watch the Bengals, and my lovely hesbian wife can watch the Bears. Aside from that, keep up the good work!
And on closeted lesbians:
Isn't it possible that the closeted lesbian and her boyfriend have a successful platonic relationship that she wishes to preserve?
I am a big believer in telling people who have had a positive impact on your life how much you have benefitted and how grateful you are when you can. I contacted an old boyfriend once, years afterwards, left a voicemail telling him how I treasured the experience of having once had him in my life, and how, despite the fact that relationship's end had left me heartbroken for years, I was ultimately glad it had happened. He called back a couple of months later and told me how much that message had meant to him, and how I was the love of his life. We never spoke again; six months later, he died unexpectedly. It comforts me enormously to have had the chance to let him know how I felt and to have heard how he felt.