I'm a 30-year-old cis woman. My husband and I have been married for just under a year, and have a great sex life—we are both GGG, and have recently been exploring our kinks. He is very into anal, which is fine by me. I have always enjoyed a little ass-play, and seeing how much it turns him on has turned me into a fanatic. It has become quite the focus in the bedroom, which again, has been great. And this isn't just vanilla anal—I'm talking pegging, fucking each other's asses with double-ended dildos, DP, etc. I've been open to and enjoying all of it but I know that he wants more. He's asked for me to fist him, or to be fisted, which is something I'm not quite ready for (which he has respected). But this brings us to the reason I'm writing: I've come across some of the porn he's been watching lately, and there is a fair amount of rose budding. Now I'm completely freaked out. That is a HARD no for me, and I am having a really difficult time understanding the appeal, and accepting that it's something that turns my husband on.
I'm worried that he has created a sexual groove for himself over years of exclusively watching anal porn, and that he needs more and more extreme acts to get off. I already see hints of this in our sex life (he is never anywhere NEAR as hard as he is when we are having anal, and sometimes can't come without asses in play). I don't feel like we are that far between what we engage in now and this extreme. I have no idea how to bring this up with him—I don't want to shame or embarrass him, but I've been having a difficult time getting those videos out of my head. I am freaking out. Am I overreacting?
I've been asked for my take on rosebudding numerous times before—by readers, by HUMP! contributors, by John Dickerson (I didn't think he'd go there on a Sunday morning, but there he went)—and my reaction was then, is now, and shall ever remain:
For readers who are unaware of this varsity-level, temporarily-body-modifying sex act, Jezebel wrote it up in 2014, describing it as "the dangerous and grotesque anal sex trend you've always wanted":
The medical term for Rosebudding—anal prolapse—is actually much more dangerous and bizarre than the titles on the DVD boxes may lead you to believe. In short, a prolapse occurs when one’s rectum collapses and slip-slides its way out of the anus. In general, an individual is immediately rushed to the emergency room when such an event happens. In Shaw’s world, the cameras keep turning as the prolapse is looked at, touched, licked, and prodded until the director believes that the viewer will have enough to satiate them. Sometimes honey is poured all over it. It’s a visual that appears to dare the viewer to get off despite what they’re seeing, not because of it.
My emojis notwithstanding, PFZ, you shouldn't shame your husband for having anal interests that outpace your shared and, to some, already pretty extreme anal sex practices. (DP is definitely varsity-level butt stuff.) You also shouldn't assume your husband has to keeping upping the anal ante to get off. You're happy and satisfied with what you're doing right now, PFZ, and your husband may very well be too. Just because anal is central for him doesn't mean anal has to get more and more extreme to hold his interest. It's possible rosebudding is something he's only interested in fantasizing about; or it could be something he hasn't asked you about because he assumes (correctly) that it's not something you'd ever be up for.
But I nevertheless think you should bring it up with him, PFZ, if only for your own peace of mind. We're all allowed to have boundaries, PFZ, and it's always best to err on both sides of the clarity issue—always being clear (NOT INTO ROSEBUDDING!!!), never hesitating to seek clarity (WHAT'S WITH THE ROSEBUDDING VIDEOS?!?)—when we're talking boundaries. You're both GGG and you have a great sex life because of it—but you can be GGG without having your rectum pulled out of your anus, smeared with honey, touched, licked, poked, prodded, paddled, buttered, battered, fried, etc.
When you do talk with your hubby, you may find that he's intrigued by rosebudding-in-theory but freaked out by rosebudding-in-practice (fingers crossed!) and would never want to do it or have it done to him IRL. There are plenty of sex acts that people watch online that they have no interest in ever experiencing personally. (Or watch IRL without wanting to experience personally; I was at the Dore Alley leather/fetish street fair in SF in July and a huge crowd gathered to watch an expert single-tail whipping—but very, very few of the observers wanted to trade places with the poor/ecstatic guy getting whipped.) You might find out he is into it. In that case, you'll tell him you're not—HARD NO—and then pivot to video. No, wait. I mean you pivot to a discussion about whether he could maybe/possibly/potentially/never explore this kink with another person who, where rosebudding is concerned, is less...