Let his image be hewn into stone across the lands, so that future generations may know of his funky, funky ways.
Let his image be hewn into stone across the lands, so that future generations may know of his funky, funky ways. RICHARD E. AARON/REDFERNS VIA GETTY IMAGES

Someone’s got the right idea! Activists in St. Paul, Minnesota, are petitioning to have a controversial statue of Christopher Columbus replaced with none other than the Twin Cities' patron saint: Prince.

Here’s what their petition, now at almost 5,000 signatures, says:

“Across the nation, city governments are choosing to remove statues of white supremacists, slave owners, and those who threatened the livelihood of Black people. Here in Minnesota, communities are reigniting the demand to bring down state’s monument to Christopher Columbus, a man who murdered, raped and enslaved Black and Native peoples in the Americas. We, the undersigned, do not believe that Columbus represents the values Minnesotans carry. Rather than glorify a man who wanted to extinguish Black and Native peoples, we should honor members of our community whose leadership we find inspirational.”

Prince, for the record, was a secret philanthropist who supported the Black Lives Matter movement:

He was, clearly, a far better person than Christopher Columbus, who pillaged and destroyed communities in his search for gold and enslaved the indigenous people he found living in the West Indies.

So how I long for these words to be made true:

Dearly beloved, let it hereby be decreed that every racist Confederate monument, every statue of colonizer Christopher Columbus, be torn asunder to make way for The High Priest of Pop, His Royal Badness, The Purple One, who taught everybody the ways of love, compassion, and shaking their asses, to be emblazoned in marble and stone, forever and ever.

Make it so!