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I've been with my husband for 16+ years. We met when I was just turning 21 and he was 36. Clearly there is an age difference. I have had good sex prior to him but never understood sex or the female body so what me and my husband had was ok. I'm now 39. The first time I squirted was on the table of an amazing massage therapist that I was attracted to. Everything he did was with his hands but it was amazing and at 36 I had my first true orgasm. That arrangement ended abruptly. A year and a half later I met a man I had a fling with. He was HUGE and had amazing stamina and of course made me come. Not only that... he was into choking which was new to me, yet still amazing. Our tryst lasted a short time... he was 25 & single to my 38 & married. Then a year later I met yet someone else. He wasn't as well endowed but he knew how to use his hands and other body parts to make me come. Not only that... he adored me. I brought him as much pleasure as he brought me. We live in different states so I don't get to see him often.

So what's the problem? I'm married and he's married. We honestly don't want to leave our spouses... but we both are bored with the lack of sex at home (for him) and just plain mediocre with no climax sex at home ( for me). I've tried taking my husband to sex stores, trying new tricks, wearing lingerie, etc., but he just goes back to regular sex. Despite being almost 20 years older he never experienced fellatio before me and he sucks at eating pussy. I'm torn. I love my husband, I HATE our sex life. Now that Pandora's Box has been opened and I know my body is capable of amazing pleasure... I don't want to give it up. But my husband is traditional. No open marriage for him. I've tried toys, talking to him, putting his hands in areas I want him to squeeze, encouraging him to play with me anally (turns me on immensely, he refuses to do it). So what is a woman to do?

A Woman Has Needs

A woman could tell her husband who doesn't want an open marriage that he's already in one—whether he likes it or not—so he can decide whether unilateral/unilaterally imposed openness is a price admission he's willing to pay. Or a woman could "do the right thing" and leave her shitty-at-sex-but-sincerely-loved husband and go find a guy who's good at sex. (Perhaps an unmarried one, AWHN, or one who's relationship is open.) Or a woman could keep doing what a woman's been doing, feel appropriately guilty about it, make amends to her husband as best she can, and pray she never brings home an STI.

But if a woman goes with the last option—if a woman keeps doing what she's doing—then a woman is gonna have to embrace the CPOS label. (Also, a woman might wanna read a recent "Savage Love" that touched on choking.)

Listen to my podcast, the Savage Lovecast, at www.savagelovecast.com.

Impeach the motherfucker already! Get your ITMFA buttons, t-shirts, hats and lapel pins and coffee mugs at www.ITMFA.org!

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