Sarah Palin opposes gay marriage, adoptions by gay couples, and attends a church that promotes the ex-gay "movement" and pray-away-the-gay quackery. But she's not a bigot. How could she be—she has gay friends! Donny Osmond believes that gays and lesbians—particularly the marrying kind—will bring "bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets." But "some of my best friends are gay," says Donny, so it's all good. Pat Boone compared gay people who want to marry to the terrorists who murdered scores of innocent people in Mumbai—but, hey, Boone has tons of gay friends too. (Including a Navy man who once put the moves on Pat. "I was a cow milker with a vise-like grip," Pat writes, "and after I nearly squeezed his wrist off, letting him know he had the wrong guy." The wrong guy? Some gay guys consider a vice-like grip a prerequisite for friendship.) And after the Rev. Peter Mullen—an Anglican priest—got in trouble for writing that "homosexuals should have their backsides tattooed with the slogan: 'Sodomy can seriously damage your health,'" he insisted that he had "nothing against homosexuals," adding that "many of my dear friends have been and are of that persuasion."

Is it really possible that these raving anti-gay bigots have more gay friends between them than I do? I somehow doubt it. So reporters should stop taking this "but I've got gay friends!" on faith. Anti-gay politicians, entertainers, and preachers shouldn't be allowed to take rhetorical cover behind gay friends if they're unable to produce any.

So you've got gay friends? Great. Bring 'em to a press conference—we've got some questions we'd like to ask them.