I'm sending this motorcycle license plate to Rep. Jim McDermott's Washington, D.C. office today for his office manager, Elizabeth Becton. You may recall that last week Politico released an email exchange Becton had with a PR firm assistant, trying to schedule a meeting, who accidentally called her—the nerve—Liz. Becton replied in the first of several chastising emails: "Who is Liz?" Despite a groveling apology, she continued with "never call me anything but Elizabeth again."

Oh, loosen up, Liz. Lizzie. Primordial Lizard. Grand Lizard. Lizard of Oz. Lizard of the Coast. Some of us folks in your district kinda like the name Liz. We even think you should go by it. Please accept this license plate from my dad's scooter (he bought it used with this license plate, which was obviously MADE FOR YOU!) and place it within view of your computer before you throw another Lizzy fit. I'm shipping it today.