Where to begin...

I am part of a trans couple. One male-to-female and one female-to-male. When we first met, 10 years ago, we had not transitioned. I, the male-to-female, transitioned in 2007 and he, the female-to-male, transitioned a year later. As friends we get along great. We are the best of friends. It's our sex life that is confusing. I consider myself a straight female and he says he is a bi switch. We opened our relationship up about a year ago. I like penis and can't get any at home. Gender reassignment surgery is much, much more advanced for a male-to-female than it is for a female-to-male. He has all of the appearance of being a guy, but has not had his "bottom" surgery. I am fully female. We agreed that we could each have sex with "tricks" on the side. I, of course, went after guys. He did the same. He always went after guys. I don't know if that is what he's used to and is still going for what he knows. But basically he went from being a straight female to being a gay male. For the most part, things were ok. We had our "tricks" and life went on. Then he started a friendship/relationship with another trans man and his husband. We never talked about this. I understand his wanting to be with another trans man. Bird of a feather and all.

We both have a similar problem All of his family moved out of state. All of my family is dead. We have become use to relying on our friendship, for various needs. How can I kick him out of my bed, and then except the fact that I'm going to date bio boys? And not lose his friendship? Thankz.

Lady Of The House

P.S. We were a feature cover story in a big newspaper, we have been interviewed on cable news, and he's currently featured in a story in the newspaper in the city where we live. Sorta crazy.

Sorta.

Look, LOTH, it's clear that you two have been growing apart for a while. You're a straight woman now who craves dick, he's a gay man now who wants a relationship with a man. What's more, LOTH, I get the distinct impression that your compelling personal stories—boy meets girl, boy becomes girl, girl becomes boy, ex-boy and ex-girl stay together—and the attention it brought you two may have artificially extended the life of this relationship. I'm not saying you guys were attention whores or you were out there milking it; skimming the articles it seems clear that you two were leveraging media interest in your personal stories for the greater good of the trans community. Good for you. But having presented yourselves to the public as a couple whose love was strong enough to withstand the trials of your M2Fing and his FTMing, well, it may have made you both reluctant to transition out of this relationship.

Salvaging a friendship when you break up with someone is tricky, LOTH, but it's not impossible and people do it all the time. But there's no secret formula that guarantees success. You simply tell him it's over all the while emphasizing your affection for him, your history together, and how much you value his friendship.