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Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Sex Who Knew?

Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, Jul 28, 2009 at 10:29 AM

Hm...

Hi Mr. Savage: This is Kerim from Foot Patrol. We're the world's only foot fetish funk band. We're from Austin and we're coming to New York in early August: the 5th at Goodbye Blue Monday in Bushwick, 7th at Union Pool in Willimsburg, and the 8th at Highline Ballroom. I'm writing to see if you might be able to get us some kind of press that might attract the foot fetish community in NY. Our lead guy is blind and an amazing musician, so we're not just a novelty act. Let me know if you think you could help us. Thank you!

Kerim
www.thefootpatrol.com

I didn't know that a blind lead singer—he's the one with the foot fetish, according to the band's website—was proof that a band wasn't a novelty act. Live and learn. I can't judge their music, though, because all of it was produced after 1970 and they don't write showtunes. Anyone?

Comments (19) RSS

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What does being a foot fetishist have anything to do with being a musician? Are all their songs about feet?

Posted by Julie in Eugene on July 28, 2009 at 10:33 AM

"Our lead guy is blind and an amazing musician, so we're not just a novelty act."

This is the funniest single sentence I have read all week.

Posted by Juris on July 28, 2009 at 10:36 AM

@1: Maybe they'll be doing a funk version of the soundtrack to Footloose

Posted by Baconcat on July 28, 2009 at 10:36 AM

I dunno. Their "Smellabration" reminds me a little of "Someone in a Tree."

Posted by gloomy gus on July 28, 2009 at 10:43 AM

Blind guy? Check.
Foot fetishist? Check.
But do they do klezmer?

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty

on July 28, 2009 at 10:43 AM

If they don't play barefoot, they're posers :D

Posted by rob!

on July 28, 2009 at 10:48 AM

Band meeting, May 2009:

DRUMMER: man, we can't get any gigs! What gives?
BASSIST: the problem is, we just don't stand out enough.
FRONTMAN: seriously? I'm fucking blind! how does that not stand out? When was the last time anyone saw a blind man do a backflip off a Peavey?
BASSIST: Frank, quit it with the blindness already - no one can tell you're blind from the audience.
GUITARIST: (briefly conscious)...Where'sh mah baby's feets at...lemme give a little shucky-shucky...
[silence]
GUITARIST: shweet little toeses...
DRUMMER: I think I've fucking got it.

Posted by Samiamn't on July 28, 2009 at 10:54 AM

I saw these guys play in Austin and it was an unforgettable show, the dancing, the gender bending, the 80's synth parodies. and to #1, YES, a lot of their songs ARE about feet.

Posted by sasha on July 28, 2009 at 11:06 AM

http://www.myspace.com/thefootpatrol to hear some of their music.

Posted by PaulBarwick on July 28, 2009 at 11:07 AM

@7 well done, sir
@9 thanks for the link

Posted by pants37 on July 28, 2009 at 11:51 AM

oh. my. god. Chalk another one up for the glorious state of Texas. @1 Their songs are indeed all about feet. The Agony of DeFeet, Big Foot, Footography, Back Seat (what does that rhyme with, I wonder).

Posted by pants37 on July 28, 2009 at 11:59 AM

11 comments and not one Jeff Healey pun?

Posted by Dougsf on July 28, 2009 at 12:40 PM

I loves me some sweet man's feet. I'd love to lick his toes while he's sings me a song!

Posted by Vince on July 28, 2009 at 12:41 PM

Dammit Dan, now I want to see a broadway musical about foot fetishists. Thanks a lot for putting that image in my head.

I wonder if Sondheim would consider it?

Posted by priapus on July 28, 2009 at 5:23 PM

I think when they say, "we are not a novelty act," they mean, "We will suck your toes after the show." Foot Patrol are hardcore Pedi-liberationists, and they are in it to win it. Also, they're the best live band in the world.

Posted by Foot Power on July 29, 2009 at 11:56 AM

Prepare to be blown away NYC. You ain't seen nothing like Foot Patrol.

Posted by hipstercrite on July 30, 2009 at 4:43 PM

I saw them a few months ago in Austin, and they put on a great show. Here's some footage I shot of their pitch-perfect version of Prince's 'Kiss,' complete with creepy advances from one of the city's many homeless crazies (you can't see it in the footage, but he started humping my leg at some point).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1zwdgFxV…

Posted by ret0dd on July 30, 2009 at 4:58 PM

I've seen them 3 times this year. They are awesome!!! They make me feel funny in all the right places!

Posted by Buzzkill Smith on July 30, 2009 at 6:00 PM

Feet are the new brown.

Posted by sugartoes on August 1, 2009 at 9:05 AM