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Friday, August 7, 2009

Chow / Wilderness Easy Crowd

Posted by Lindy West on Fri, Aug 7, 2009 at 10:30 AM

This liquorice is not only a delicious treat, it is also a learning tool:

7696/1249625728-kookaburra.jpg

When one Australian Kookaburra bird starts its boisterous laugh like call, suddenly the bush is alive with contagious laughter! Some say it's to mark their territory, but we know better. They're laughing because the 'Best Liquorice in the World' bears their name!

Okay. A few things here. Is it a "laugh like call" or is it "laughing"? PICK ONE. And why are the kookaburras laughing? First, liquorice package tells us, it's because their laugh is some sort of "contagious" disease. Sure! I'll buy that. Bird disease. But then, wait, "some" (i.e. KOOKABURRA SCIENTISTS) say that the kookaburras laugh to mark their kookaterritory. I was down with the contagious laughing disease, but this sounds even more plausible. I'm glad we had this little talk about animal facts, liquori—NOPE! Then liquorice says that it knows BETTER than the two perfectly good explanations it's already given us. Now the kookaburras are laughing because they found out (who told?) that someone named a liquorice company after them (I'LL TOTALLY TRY THAT ONE AT OPEN MIC!!!), and that is the funniest fucking thing a kookaburra has ever heard. So what you're saying is that kookaburra has the shittiest sense of humor in all of biological class aves (even worse than a stupid fat robin), and for that reason we should eat your liquorice? Because that's what I'm hearing. Explain yourself, Kookaburra Liquorice. Ha ha ha. Kookaha ha.

Comments (20) RSS

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It's poetic that a post about candy is so saccharine it makes me sick to my stomach.

This is why people hate the Care Bears and Mr. Winkle, Lindy. Stop it already.

Posted by Baconcat on August 7, 2009 at 10:43 AM

Next up:

Lindy argues with Toucan Sam, the Diggum Frog, and that little Lucky Charms leprechaun freak.

Posted by Ackham on August 7, 2009 at 10:48 AM

I think their box was written by the same guy who used to write the Screaming Yellow Zonkers box.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty

on August 7, 2009 at 11:03 AM

Is it a licorice log? Cuz then it would all just make sense.

Posted by low_sea on August 7, 2009 at 11:04 AM

So sad to troll the candy isle in search of blog material. This is more the conversation one has when very stoned and candy boxes are funny.

Posted by skippy McF on August 7, 2009 at 11:14 AM

@5 I'm genuinely sorry you're not as high as I am right now.

Because... candy boxes ARE funny.

Posted by Ackham on August 7, 2009 at 11:27 AM

Now I'm going to have that goddamn kookaburra song stuck in my head all day. OH MERRY MERRY KING OF THE BUSHES, WHY DO YOU MOCK ME?

Posted by Meags on August 7, 2009 at 11:36 AM

slow day?

Posted by Max Solomon on August 7, 2009 at 11:40 AM

@5, please post GPS coordinates for the candy isle. I've been wondering where to take my annual beach vacation.

Posted by rob!

on August 7, 2009 at 11:44 AM

I think it's spelled 'lickerish.'

Posted by Superfrankenstein

on August 7, 2009 at 11:47 AM

Rob, I too have been looking all my life for the Isle of Candy. I think it's close to the Islets of Langerhans, but haven't found it yet. Let me know if you do.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty

on August 7, 2009 at 11:57 AM

@7, Kookaburra sits on the old gum tree-eee!

Lindy, I think you're missing the point. Which is, of course, that Kookaburra licorice is the shit. In a good way.

Posted by lily on August 7, 2009 at 12:01 PM

Australian Laughter

Posted by laterite on August 7, 2009 at 1:03 PM

We had this stuff in my office once. It's highly addictive, we went through 3 bags in 2 days. After there was no more, I had the shakes. The moral of the story is that Kookaburra puts black tar heroin in their candy for "color".

Posted by Mike Smith on August 7, 2009 at 1:16 PM

I saw a Kookaburra at the zoo beat a dead mouse until it was a skin incasing a gooey mass, then gulp down the carcass. It was a disgusting and amazingly compelling thing to see. I would have a hard time eating anything Kookaburra related without thinking of that squishy looking mouse carcass.

Posted by ratatosk on August 7, 2009 at 2:08 PM

panda still rocks more.

Posted by Beetlecat on August 7, 2009 at 2:30 PM

I met several kookaburras during a summer (winter?) spent in Australia in my youth and they are still my favorite birds, ever. But they don't really sound like they're laughing. They moan, "awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..." like an old man. Also, if you're having a typical Aussie BBQ in the bush, this usually involves fire and cooking steaks. Kookaburras will hang out until you give them the fat from your steak and then you can watch them kill it before they eat it.

Posted by Chefgirl on August 7, 2009 at 4:31 PM