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Thursday, September 17, 2009

City You Like That Bridge, Boy? Bike It. Bike That Bridge...

Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, Sep 17, 2009 at 8:20 AM

"I'm not from Seattle," writes Gordie, "but I read your posts on Slog as well as the column blah, blah blah. Is 'biking the Ballard Bridge' anything like 'hiking the Appalachian Trail'? Just wondering."

Mark Sanford, of course, made "hiking the Appalachian Trail" into a euphemism for cheating on a spouse. But so far as I'm aware, Gordie, "biking the Ballard Bridge" isn't a euphemism for anything, just a terrifying ordeal for Seattle cyclists. But the day is young and we're taking suggestions.

Biking the Ballard Bridge? Anyone?

Comments (26) RSS

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Losing in the polls to someone much less qualified, intelligent, tactful or civic-minded because you chose to start your campaign off with facts and figures instead of making empty overtures.

Example: "McGinn got stuck on this tunnel thing and now that Republican Joe Mallahan is whupping his ass. McGinn shouldn't have been biking the ballard bridge."

"Dow is too focused on the issues, he should be sweetening up people with meaningless pleasantries and plastic smiles. That's what he gets for biking the ballard bridge."

Posted by Baconcat on September 17, 2009 at 8:28 AM

Sure. It means doing something that could be healthy and/or fun and/or good for the environment that is also reckless and inherently dangerous and could lead to your death. Like... running with the bulls? or... riding a motorcycle in the rain? or... bungee jumping? or... sex with strangers?

Posted by Allyn on September 17, 2009 at 8:34 AM

Let's see...a terrible ordeal that sounds fun at first until you actually get in the middle of it. I propose "Biking the Ballard Bridge" be a euphemism for marriage.

Posted by Banna

on September 17, 2009 at 8:35 AM

From your description of the problems with 2 cyclists or 1 pedestrian and 1 cyclist passing each other on the Ballard Bridge, the only logical choice is double anal penetration.

Posted by Dave M on September 17, 2009 at 8:37 AM

@4 wins.

Posted by Baconcat on September 17, 2009 at 8:49 AM

Something that only a crazy person would undertake, a suicidal mission of sorts.

Posted by Jenny from the Block on September 17, 2009 at 8:49 AM

Doing something the hard way, even when you know there is an easier route to take.

Posted by doceb on September 17, 2009 at 8:58 AM

My boyfriend bikes to Ballard a couple times of week, he returns all sweaty and seemingly spent. I don't ask questions.

Posted by CommonKnowledge on September 17, 2009 at 9:00 AM

@7: Easier, maybe, but far less direct. And for the record: I bike the Ballard Bridge all the time, risk-of-death notwithstanding. My pre-dinner, post-work loop takes me over the bridge two or three times a week.

Posted by Dan Savage on September 17, 2009 at 9:03 AM

"Biking the Ballard Bridge" is when people lose a little too much of their humility, i.e., feel outraged they have to dismount their bikes for a few minutes along a walking path.

Posted by gloomy gus on September 17, 2009 at 9:03 AM

I always thought "Ballard Bridge" was code for taint. "Biking" it would be like frottage or something. That doesn't seem to be where this thread is going, though, so never mind.

Posted by this guy I know in Spokane on September 17, 2009 at 9:18 AM

Working against your own best interests. "With their endorsement of Greg Nickels for mayor, the Cascade Bicycle Club biked the Ballard Bridge."

Posted by DOUG.

on September 17, 2009 at 9:38 AM

@9, so amend it to "Doing something the hard way, even when you know there is an easier route to take, even if it is a bit inconvenient."

Usage: "If Bob hadn't been Riding the Ballard Bridge when using that table saw, he'd still have his thumbs."

I like the suggestion @11, too.

Posted by doceb on September 17, 2009 at 9:43 AM

Haha. Someone watched last night's Glee!

Posted by leek on September 17, 2009 at 9:45 AM

This is off-topic (sorta) but the tennis player who won the U.S. open this year is from Argentina.

Juan Martin Del Potro:
http://www.latimes.com/media/photo/2009-…

He's only the second Argentinian to win it and this is Del Potro's first ever championship title.

Just fyi...

Posted by Urgutha Forka on September 17, 2009 at 9:49 AM

Seems like "biking the I-90 trail" or "biking the floating bridge" would be more appropriate. It's a longer ride, and on the other side dwell countless new-money trophy wives desperately seeking respite from their daily routines.

Posted by Angry Sam on September 17, 2009 at 10:02 AM

Urgutha, Are you invoking the great Gueillermo Vilas?

Posted by Zoroastronomer on September 17, 2009 at 10:08 AM

rough trade with a partner twice your size

Posted by tenspeed on September 17, 2009 at 10:14 AM

You know you've got to "go" so you decide to fuck yourself and in the process you shit bricks.

Ex: Dan's had that Bimbo's burrito stuck in his gut all day, but thanks to a 12" promo dildo he'll be biking the Ballard bridge in no time.

Posted by Explorer on September 17, 2009 at 10:20 AM

Biking the Ballard Bridge is like having sex with a trannie after you get really really drunk and don't realize your friends are trying to tell you she's a he.

You only do it once.

Posted by Will in Seattle

on September 17, 2009 at 10:50 AM

(hmm, mind you, this is all speculation, and I suppose if you're into that kind of thing it would be ok, but I don't know anyone who actually likes biking the Ballard Bridge ...)

Posted by Will in Seattle

on September 17, 2009 at 10:53 AM

Biking the Ballard Bridge: Having sex with somebody you know has an STD. Its fun and takes you somewhere, but you know it is dangerous.

Biking the Ballard Bridge Without a Helmet: The same as above but without a condom.

Biking the Ballard Bridge and Getting a Flat: The same as the first, but you lose your erection.

Biking the Ballard Bridge and Drinking From Your Water Bottle: I think we've done enough of these.

Posted by gttim on September 17, 2009 at 12:00 PM

Biking the Ballard Bridge is sex with strangers, of course. Might seem exciting, but could be deadly.

Posted by Geni on September 17, 2009 at 12:53 PM

@17,
I am indeed! Vilas was there in person too at the championship match. Unfortunately, he's looking a bit greasy and grizzled these days.

Posted by Urgutha Forka on September 17, 2009 at 12:55 PM

biking the ballard bridge: a straight boy in a gay club. i.e. one man to another at R place, "lookit that cute straight boy tryin the bike the ballard bridge...."

('cause when biking the bridge it's definitely much easier to get thrown into traffic or tossed into the water, than stay on the straight and narrow path.)

Posted by eric.br on September 17, 2009 at 1:43 PM

Biking the Ballard Bridge: The chores, effort, sliding around on your knees etc. that you need to perform so that your partner forgives you after you've --> hiked the Appalachian trail.

Posted by adam.smith on September 17, 2009 at 11:30 PM