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Wednesday, September 23, 2009

At Large Precious Moments

Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Sep 23, 2009 at 6:32 AM

So it took me a moment to figure out what this ad outside the men's room in the Columbia, South Carolina, airport was selling exactly...

It's for plastic surgery. My 6 AM caption: "Mommy says I came out of her tummy—and Daddy says I done tore it up on my way out!" And, hey, did you know that they have socialized WiFi here at the Columbia Metropolitan Airport? They do—and no porn filters either. I verified the no-porn-filters thing by clicking on a link to this XTube video. The link was sent by a "Savage Love" reader who wanted my opinion on g2boyj's body of... work. My considered opinion: impressive. (g2boyj's turn offs: "cats, immature old people, feet, fisting, water sports, pygmys, bad body odor." His turn ons: "nice asses, big dicks. cute faces, piercing, uniforms, foreign language, sweat, asphyxiation.") This airport would be, like, a totally socialist paradise here if the one coffee shop had some black tea options besides Lipton's.

Pygmies?

Comments (27) RSS

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Did you cruise for porn while slowly swaying back-and-forth in those white rocking chairs?

Posted by bucket on September 23, 2009 at 6:58 AM

Backwards baseball cap! Mom's couch! Early-onset methface! Aaugh!

Posted by gloomy gus on September 23, 2009 at 7:17 AM

3 Comment Pulled (SockPuppetry) Comment Policy

Tea fascist.

Posted by Baconcat on September 23, 2009 at 7:55 AM

That's one fugly kid

Posted by slake on September 23, 2009 at 7:58 AM

Oh, Dan, "pygmies" means no short people need apply. Sorry dude.

...OH SNAP.

Posted by Baconcat on September 23, 2009 at 8:25 AM

Someone needs to give that boy a sandwich.

Posted by alanw on September 23, 2009 at 8:31 AM

Do they still have the giant cock on the roof of the airport?

Posted by wisepunk on September 23, 2009 at 8:40 AM

What're you doing here in the birthplace of the Confederacy, Dan?

Posted by The Max on September 23, 2009 at 9:15 AM

I've been traveling more lately and have been really happy by the number of airports that have free Wifi nowadays. PDX of course, but Denver, Phoenix (Sky Harbor and Gateway), and Sacramento are my recent finds. Of course LAX, O'hare, and most of the other major airports are still not free. I didn't test porn filters, but Gateway did have a content filter (Slog wouldn't come through because they suspected you had "inappropriate content").

Posted by Julie in Eugene on September 23, 2009 at 9:21 AM

@ 5, get your eyes checked out.

Posted by Matt from Denver on September 23, 2009 at 9:30 AM

Minneapolis/St. Paul has free WiFi too, not that it makes me like that Godawful airport any more. And Denver definitely has a porn filter.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty

on September 23, 2009 at 9:30 AM

Someone's going to put a porn filter on Columbia's wi-fi any time now, since it's worldwide knowledge courtesy of this post.

Posted by Matt from Denver on September 23, 2009 at 9:31 AM

"Precious cargo" - WTF? So, the advertiser is saying a woman's womb is the biological equivalent of a Fed-Ex shipping container?

Oh, wait. It's South Carolina. Of course they are.

Nevermind.

Posted by COMTE

on September 23, 2009 at 9:32 AM

how do the door knobs taste down south?

Posted by too salty? on September 23, 2009 at 9:35 AM

@15: Like pralines!

Posted by Dan Savage on September 23, 2009 at 9:46 AM

someone needs to buy the stranger staff a set of quality compact digital cameras.......seriously guys, how many hits you get on this shit again?

Its like printing your real paper on fucking toilet paper and using shit for ink......

Posted by Andy_Squirrel on September 23, 2009 at 10:34 AM

@12 MSP airport doesn't have free wifi, unless they installed it within the last few months.

Posted by whitewaffle on September 23, 2009 at 11:02 AM

I hooked up to it in June.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty

on September 23, 2009 at 11:10 AM

@18 They had it in April when I last flew out of there.

Posted by drewl on September 23, 2009 at 11:10 AM

@17 that is a FINE idea!!

Posted by Josh Bomb

on September 23, 2009 at 11:16 AM

3
ok
so if you post a picture of Alfred E. Neuman slog will think it really is Dan Savage?

If you don't loosen up a little you'll stroke out, Dan...

Posted by What-Me Worry?! on September 23, 2009 at 11:25 AM

Watching porn at work now, thanks.

Posted by very bad homo on September 23, 2009 at 11:31 AM

Lipton is awful.

Posted by Fnarf

on September 23, 2009 at 12:10 PM

I immediately knew what the ad was talking about...

Ugh. Maybe I'll adopt.

Posted by Cory on September 23, 2009 at 2:19 PM

Precious cargo... precious bodily fluids... purity of essence... peace on Earth... them Ruskies, they don't drink water, do they? That Obamer, he was born in Indonesia...

Sorry, watched "Dr. Strangelove" the other night.

Dan, did the fine print on that sign clarify that this was birth-canal related? It might just be a liposuction thing. (This is SC... Did you, uh, visit a Wal-Mart?)

Posted by CP on September 23, 2009 at 7:01 PM