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News & ArtsThursday, October 1, 2009
At Large Drink Bottled Water, Save A Life
Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, Oct 1, 2009 at 8:48 AM
An ad in the bus-terminal-quality waiting room at LAX...
Drink Volvic? Just drink it? Aren't we morally obligated to bathe in the stuff?
In other LAX news: I watched a dad watch his kid charge an emergency-exit/authorized-personnel-only door, open it, and set off the alarm: BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP. The dad said sorry, sorry, then slinked away with his kid, leaving those of us waiting to board at Gate 38 to suffer. The alarm has been going off for, oh, twenty minutes now. It's going to be a good day.
1
Badly behaved parents who are stuck in their own Peter Pan Complex (perhaps that's why they have kids)... You're in public, breeders!
2
^ I acknowledge my comment's incoherency. I need coffee. Maybe my coffee will provide 10 liters of fresh brew to children in Burkina Faso.
3
20 minutes eh? Reminds me of my last visit to lovely Newark airport. I swear every damn security door was beeping the entire 4 hour layover I had there. Makes me wonder what exactly the security at some large airports is.
4
At least we now know how responsive the LAX security is to alarms. Good thing we're all required to strip naked going through security while these doors are poorly monitored.
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I always travel with soft fluorescent-orange foam earplugs. Good for: dulling jet roar, shrieking children, and other unexpected cacophony, as well as discouraging unwanted conversation.
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Count yourself lucky that you weren't on the escalator in Tokyo in October 2001, with my nephew. He saw the lovely lit up button, he was three, and pushed it. The escalator shut down, the alarms went off, and everyone was stuck on it for an hour while they determined that it wasn't because of terrorism. Try explaining that to the authorities.
Laugh it off, Savage. And, bring an iPod to fade away with in the future.
Laugh it off, Savage. And, bring an iPod to fade away with in the future.
9
Unless there's something inside my body that really needs to come out, one end or the other, I would never drink something called "Volvic." Sorry, kids of Ethiopia.
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Airports are bus terminals now with restaurants and bars instead of vending machines, and airplanes are Greyhounds-in-the-sky. Really sad, because back in the day, it used to be a real treat - back when airfares were regulated (and higher). You'd never see families with young children on a plane. Too expensive for them. Not that families with young children necessarily ruin a flight, but wild, loud, unruly kids kind of suck all the air out of a room. And I get a little pissed when early boarders with young children take up all the overhead space with strollers and enormous diaper bags.
Does anyone fly anymore other than those who absolutely must?
Does anyone fly anymore other than those who absolutely must?
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@ 10, who brings a stroller on the plane? You have to gatecheck that stuff. Otherwise, as the parent of small children who has to fly with them occasionally (and knows how to keep them occupied and quiet), agreed all the way.
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@10 Nonsense, you're making that up. Strollers aren't allowed on planes. They are all gate-checked.
13
Kim -- everyone was stuck on an escalator? Umm... couldn't they walk off of it? (I'm sure I'm missing a key element here, but the idea of a bunch of people standing idly for an hour on an escalator waiting for it to start up again makes me giggle.)
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@11 - Bravo at keeping the kids entertained and occupied. I wish you could offer a class for people. I know that parents get stressed and children get bored and antsy on a flight. So do I sometimes. What's to do on a plane other than drink and sleep?
@12 - My bad. I haven't seen a stroller in a while come to think of it, but I do remember when they were allowed on board. I don't fly much anymore. Only when I have to.
@12 - My bad. I haven't seen a stroller in a while come to think of it, but I do remember when they were allowed on board. I don't fly much anymore. Only when I have to.
17
Don't those emergency exits have one of those big red handles that are, say, three feet off the ground? High enough for little hands to not be able to reach?
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1. I like "slinked." It sounds more active and weasely.
2. Some airlines have stopped giving parents w/children under the age of 2 early boarding. I can't remember who they are but I've seen it with my own eyes, parents who are all grumpy and annoyed because they have to wait with the rest of us.
3. It's not only parents with children who take up more than their share of bin space. Bin-greed is widespread, esp now that airlines make you pay extra to check a goddamn suitcase. So not fair to single out parents of babies.
4. I think airlines should require a dose of Baby Benadryl for all babies.
2. Some airlines have stopped giving parents w/children under the age of 2 early boarding. I can't remember who they are but I've seen it with my own eyes, parents who are all grumpy and annoyed because they have to wait with the rest of us.
3. It's not only parents with children who take up more than their share of bin space. Bin-greed is widespread, esp now that airlines make you pay extra to check a goddamn suitcase. So not fair to single out parents of babies.
4. I think airlines should require a dose of Baby Benadryl for all babies.
20
Volvic is great tasting water and a lot cheaper than Evian. And it is actually French. You see it in all the stores in Paris. But I don't drink it anymore because of the plastic bottle issue. I would only buy it on the run. Seattle water (and Vancouver, BC water) is some of the best in the world especially when filtered through a Brita (for those of you who have old pipes).
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Jack @ 13,
Funny, hell yes. Able to get off, hell no. They were stuck, and my 6'4" brother-in-law was wishing he was my sister-in-law's 4'10". This was early October 2001, and the multitude of security made everyone stay put. It's been a while since I flew into Tokyo, but the security was intense then in the 90s, due to local terriorism. I think 9/11 made it all the worse. I'm guessing that if it happened today, they would let everyone off.
My poor nephew will never live this story down with his brother and cousins. You have to love family ...
Funny, hell yes. Able to get off, hell no. They were stuck, and my 6'4" brother-in-law was wishing he was my sister-in-law's 4'10". This was early October 2001, and the multitude of security made everyone stay put. It's been a while since I flew into Tokyo, but the security was intense then in the 90s, due to local terriorism. I think 9/11 made it all the worse. I'm guessing that if it happened today, they would let everyone off.
My poor nephew will never live this story down with his brother and cousins. You have to love family ...
22
The last time I got in a plane they decided to stick a group of rowdy teenagers on a class trip on a Sunday-night red eye. Even more genius? I'm a status frequent-flyer on United...they put them in fucking Economy Plus. You know, where all the special people who fly more than 50K miles a year (25K if the flight isn't crowded, and about $150 each way more than an economy ticket if you're non-status and the flight really isn't crowded) get a few more inches of leg room and peace and quiet so that they can be functional in their morning meeting? Oh yeah, there was almost mutiny.
Don't get me wrong, I like flying on the cheap, in economy, with the unwashed masses, at really odd not-friendly-to-business-travel hours, for vacations. But when airfares on all flights are so cheap that hordes of barely supervised children can afford to fly across the country for a class trip at peak business travel times (in a semi-premium cabin, at that), it makes the experience unpleasant for everyone. Last time I flew business there were children seated there. Really? Kids in business class? Yeah, don't mind me, I'm only changing 13 time zones just to hop off the plane and hit the board room in less than 6 hours.
The sad part is, I really like flying. I mean...it's basically mechanical genius. Even though I understand the physics, there's still something my brain can't quite make work that makes it seem a little magical to be going 500+ mph at 30,000 feet in a plane the size of a professional basketball court inside. New business model, please! You know you make all your money off of the business people, right?
Don't get me wrong, I like flying on the cheap, in economy, with the unwashed masses, at really odd not-friendly-to-business-travel hours, for vacations. But when airfares on all flights are so cheap that hordes of barely supervised children can afford to fly across the country for a class trip at peak business travel times (in a semi-premium cabin, at that), it makes the experience unpleasant for everyone. Last time I flew business there were children seated there. Really? Kids in business class? Yeah, don't mind me, I'm only changing 13 time zones just to hop off the plane and hit the board room in less than 6 hours.
The sad part is, I really like flying. I mean...it's basically mechanical genius. Even though I understand the physics, there's still something my brain can't quite make work that makes it seem a little magical to be going 500+ mph at 30,000 feet in a plane the size of a professional basketball court inside. New business model, please! You know you make all your money off of the business people, right?
23
Don't get me started on the flight attendants who never enforce the rules, not to mention the douchebags who refuse to put one of their bags under the seat in front of them. Fuckers.
Bin-greed is widespread, esp now that airlines make you pay extra to check a goddamn suitcase.
Don't get me started on the flight attendants who never enforce the rules, not to mention the douchebags who refuse to put one of their bags under the seat in front of them. Fuckers.
25
24, 90% of the time, I could care less about the other passengers. They sleep, type, read, watch the movie, eat, whatever...I drink, read, and then sleep. That's business travel. I'm just saying, my tickets are full price, usually booked short notice, fully refundable, upgradable, etc. That's a whole lot of cash. I'm guaranteeing that those punk kids they dropped in economy plus the last time didn't pay even close to what I did for my ticket. So they shouldn't be allowed to sit in economy plus, is all. Bump up another full-fare passenger, or someone who's close to premier. Or a premier who didn't get his E+ request in when he booked. But not kids most likely traveling on some kind of discounted group rate. Treat the business travelers well, they are the ones filling your coffers. I blame the family for the kids in business class. They were traveling to China to adopt another kid, and apparently felt it was okay to bring the first two along (both under 2, so they didn't have to pay for tickets for them). Again...business class is for business people, I don't see a problem with prohibiting the "kids under 2 in the lap" exception to buying your screaming offspring a ticket in business, which would keep most people with kids OUT of business. They made a whole lot of people who had paid a whole lot of money very, very upset.
When I last flew for vacation, they seated a screaming child across the isle from me. I slapped on the noise canceling headphones, flipped through my trashy celebrity mag, and enjoyed my $2 tiny bottle of water. It irritated me as it would anyone else exposed to it, but I wasn't compelled to write a nasty letter to the airline about treating their most loyal business customers better. After all, I had nowhere important to be, nothing important to do, and paid next-to-nothing for my ticket. I'm not arguing for banning people on planes (except barely supervised teenagers, who should be locked in cages and segmented from society in all circumstances, not just planes), just adjusting the rules for things like upgrades and kids-on-the-lap and reformatting the pricing strategies so that peak business travel hours in premium seating are truly reserved for business people. That's why they created those seating sections in the first place, and tickets at peak business travel hours are supposedly more expensive, right?
More...
When I last flew for vacation, they seated a screaming child across the isle from me. I slapped on the noise canceling headphones, flipped through my trashy celebrity mag, and enjoyed my $2 tiny bottle of water. It irritated me as it would anyone else exposed to it, but I wasn't compelled to write a nasty letter to the airline about treating their most loyal business customers better. After all, I had nowhere important to be, nothing important to do, and paid next-to-nothing for my ticket. I'm not arguing for banning people on planes (except barely supervised teenagers, who should be locked in cages and segmented from society in all circumstances, not just planes), just adjusting the rules for things like upgrades and kids-on-the-lap and reformatting the pricing strategies so that peak business travel hours in premium seating are truly reserved for business people. That's why they created those seating sections in the first place, and tickets at peak business travel hours are supposedly more expensive, right?
26
The same is true with Amtrak. You pay more to sit in business class promising a quiet ride with a free newspaper, orange juice and coffee, but then some jerk will board with all his kids. During the summer months, the business class car from Los Angeles to San Diego is like the trolley to Disneyland.
27
Kid haters - fuck you all. You were kids once too. Too bad your parents didn't have your attitude, because then we wouldn't be subject to your whining.
I'm going to fill you in on a little secret, which I'm sure you'll love. I'm a mega frequent-flyer, and get all sorts of freebies. I absolutely love getting bumped up to first class with my 2 year-old. Or, when I try to use my miles to get tickets, and the only available seats are in 1st class, what am I supposed to do?
Looking on the brightside, if my kid is having a bad day, as all 2-year olds are prone to do occasionally, then he will disturb far less people in 1st class than he would in coach.
I'm going to fill you in on a little secret, which I'm sure you'll love. I'm a mega frequent-flyer, and get all sorts of freebies. I absolutely love getting bumped up to first class with my 2 year-old. Or, when I try to use my miles to get tickets, and the only available seats are in 1st class, what am I supposed to do?
Looking on the brightside, if my kid is having a bad day, as all 2-year olds are prone to do occasionally, then he will disturb far less people in 1st class than he would in coach.
29
My goodness, Mahlti69. Two year olds may be prone to have a bad day but that doesn't excuse their parents from making them behave.
By the way, I love Dan Savage and the Stranger. He's definitely on my list.
By the way, I love Dan Savage and the Stranger. He's definitely on my list.
30
Blerg. You know how you can save the world? Care about global warming and not have your water shipped from another continent in bottles made of plastic made from fossil fuels and that don't ever really break down. I like that giving away 10 bottles of water is OK even if that means that the chance of drought and famine for the kid you're giving water to increases in the future. Volvic. A-holes. I hate it when someone advertises a quick fix as a good idea.
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Yes 27, I was a child once. The first time I boarded a commercial aircraft I was 13 years old, because my parents knew better than to put me in situations where I would annoy the hell out of others. Also, I was taught that children were strictly to be seen and not heard, and - I know this is going to sound harsh - was not permitted to speak in public unless directly spoken to. We also didn't go to 5-star restaurants until I was old enough to use my napkin, not pick at my food, and sit still for hours. That's the way things used to be and the way they still should be. So yeah, I do feel justified in criticizing people for making others uncomfortable because, gosh, it's their god-given right to fly business with their 2-year-old in their lap, damn all those business people who are off the plane and into a meeting with barely any sleep.
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#30 - yeah what you said.
The idea that buying water in a small plastic bottle is somehow a good idea...
...makes me wanna scream.
Buy a canteen, fill it with tap water, send the savings from not buying plastic-scented water to a charity that works WITH local groups promoting food security and clean water.
The idea that buying water in a small plastic bottle is somehow a good idea...
...makes me wanna scream.
Buy a canteen, fill it with tap water, send the savings from not buying plastic-scented water to a charity that works WITH local groups promoting food security and clean water.
33
@29 - "Make" them behave? That's a good one. Have you ever taken care of a 2-year old?
@31 - Your childhood sounds awful. An airplane is not a 5-star restaurant. An airplane is the only reasonable mode of transportation for going more than a few hundred miles. As for the business people on the plane, there are all sorts of methods for tuning out the bedlam - ear plugs, noise-canceling head phones, etc.
I've taken many international flights with screaming kids, and it doesn't bother me. I feel bad for the parents, who I know are helpless, and feeling the wrath of the grown-up brats who think they're entitled to live in a bubble.
@31 - Your childhood sounds awful. An airplane is not a 5-star restaurant. An airplane is the only reasonable mode of transportation for going more than a few hundred miles. As for the business people on the plane, there are all sorts of methods for tuning out the bedlam - ear plugs, noise-canceling head phones, etc.
I've taken many international flights with screaming kids, and it doesn't bother me. I feel bad for the parents, who I know are helpless, and feeling the wrath of the grown-up brats who think they're entitled to live in a bubble.
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