Last night My Future Husband, the super-seckshee toaster-headed dream (and money) machine Joe “I’m gonna buy Seattle if it kills me” Mallhands had an unfortunate moment. He said…something. During another debate. Something that all the miserable so-called “pundits” (if you’ll pardon the expression) and hyper-sensitive so-called “wonks” (as it were) and (worst of all) "commentors" will surely pounce on like a chicken on a wounded worm. Like Nancy Grace on a tube of under-eye cream. Like Glenn Beck on a Spam-and-lies sandwich.

You know which unfortunate moment I’m talking about.

The issue under discussion was Southeast Seattle. (Who knew Seattle even had a Southeast? I ask you.) GANGS, to be more specific. KRIPS. Bloods. Krippy-krippy blood-bloods. BANG! BANG! Well.

Joe got a little distracted, as he tends to do (it’s so ADORABLE!), and started naming a whole bunch of allegedly “black” (in a manner of speaking) people who support him. Out of the clear blue sky! Now: before you jump up and yell “RACIST BASTARD!” allow me to explain.

Remember the other night, that other debate, when McGinn or whoever kept pounding poor Joe’s balls to the wall about his big-money connections to the tunnel project? Well, Joe’s sweet little mind just wandered way off over into into la-la land and he started blabbering on about how popular he is, and how super-endorsed-by-everybody he is (which is true), isn’t it? Yes. EXACT. SAME. THING. Joe Mallahan wasn’t being racist. (Perish the notion.) He just got distracted again! And started talking about who loves him! Like he always does! And this time it just happened to be a whole bunch of black people who love him! (And who can blame them?) Like I said…ADORABLE.

Okay. Then he called all these allegedly black alleged supporters AFRICANS. Africans! "'Africans' endorse my candidacy,” he said about them.

People! JESUS! Relax!

That was no Kramer-esque Freudian slip. He just wanted you to understand—because he is forward-thinking, specific, and detail oriented (when he’s distracted)—that not all black people are AFRICAN AMERICAN. Some people of color come from Jamaica or something. And, of course (don’t be absurd!), not all people of African decent are African AMERICANS. Some of them live in Mexico (Afro-Mexicans), and some live in England (Afro-Anglicans or something). Did The Cosby Show teach us NOTHING? I ask you.

So. Not racist. Adorable. Got that?

I love you, Joe Mallahan!