Will he concede? Will he drag this thing out? Either way, Mallahan's camp is surely drafting several possible variations on what he may say today. In case they need any help with that, we've whipped up two possible speeches conveniently written in the tone that has defined Mallahan's campaign since day one. Feel free to use either or both or just jump around between them, Joe.

MALLAHAN DOESN'T CONCEDE
Thank you for taking the time to touch base with me today, Seattle. For the last several fiscal quarters, we have been driving accountability in one of the most win-win campaigns for mayor this city has ever empowered its stakeholders to take Seattle to the next level with, and we have also been driving efficiencies. I have been spitballing with my creatives, and we agree that the most efficient thing we can all do right now to move Seattle forward is to proactively tie up the county elections process in bureaucratic knots, because bureaucratic knots create jobs. Thinking outside the box is one of my staff's core competencies, and even though none of the integrated scenarios the professionals who work on my campaign have ideated so far are synergistic with the vote-flow metrics, I vow to keep impacting you and the city by focusing on the value-added buzz of all the endorsements I got and not actualizing my exit strategy. That is mission critical. Going forward, we are going to keep going forward. At least until we see a paradigm shift in electoral delight. A sea change in the vote totals is always possible in a paperless office where everyone's busy herding cats. We need to welcome the next generation of vote auditors into the county elections process and tell them to hit the ground running and go the extra mile in making sure vote-total deliverables are not a done deal. It has been a great pleasure of mine to break through the clutter of everything else you're hearing today. Africans support my candidacy. Thank you.

For the sake of efficiency (-driving), a concession speech could begin the same way.

MALLAHAN CONCEDES
Thank you for taking the time to touch base with me today, Seattle. For the last several fiscal quarters, we have been driving accountability in one of the most win-win campaigns for mayor this city has ever empowered its stakeholders to take Seattle to the next level with, and we have also been driving efficiencies. The most efficient thing we can all do right now to move Seattle forward is to proactively admit that voters have bounced the ball into my opponent's court and my opponent is going to take the ball and run with it right into the next generation. I think I speak for everyone when I say I sincerely hope he tags the base and keeps running. At the end of the day, customer service is the name of the game. It has been my great pleasure impacting you with television commercials demonstrating how well-resourced my bank account is, but it is now time to finalize this transition. My campaign does not expect a paradigm shift in getting our votes to the next level. Going forward, we are going to stop going forward. Part of the best practices in politics is the client-centric approach I have brought to shoring up support since the beginning of this campaign, if I can circle back for a second. This face time with me has been very empowering for you the stakeholders, and as well as for Africans. If this election had been held in Africa, I can assure you it would have been a win-win-win. Thank you.

If there's anything we're leaving out that Joe might want to say, put it in the comments. Meanwhile, what do you think is going to happen next?