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Friday, November 13, 2009

Crime Police Beat:: The Human Umbrella

Posted by Charles Mudede on Fri, Nov 13, 2009 at 8:18 AM

On 11-01-09, Officer Arulaid filed this report:

A complainant called 911 to report an assault. He was on 3rd and Bell, standing outside [a building]. He stated that a known suspect had struck him with an umbrella several times (4-5). He stated that he was un-injured and the attack was over money owed. We ID complainant at the scene. Complainant declined medical assistance and stated he was uninjured. No evident injury was observed. No independent witnesses came forward during the investigation. Suspect was no longer on scene during the investigation.

The weapon in this report, the umbrella, deserves some thought. Let's begin the thought with something Spinoza wrote four or so hundred years ago: "The mind is the idea of the body." The neuroscience of our times has turned this philosophical statement into a scientific fact: the brain does indeed have a representation or map of the body. Even more amazing than that: the mind has a map of the body's peripersonal space—the space that is near the surface of your skin, the thin atmosphere of your body. More amazing yet, when you grasp something—a cup, a ball, a book—that object becomes a part of your peripersonal space. (Ginger Campbell explains how this works in the 35th podcast of Brain Science.) So, an object in your hand is in your mind a part of your body. The neurons in the mind incorporate the object into the map of your space.

Let's return to the report: In the mind of that criminal, the umbrella was not separate from but at one with his body. His neurons mapped that umbrella and possibly even the person he struck, at the moment of impact. For an instant, we can imagine that the suspect, umbrella, and victim shared the same peripersonal space

Comments (20) RSS

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Mudede: The Stranger's very own version of Timecube.

Posted by supergp on November 13, 2009 at 8:28 AM

Your peripersonal space only extends to your umbrella if you are Danny DeVito.

Posted by doceb on November 13, 2009 at 8:46 AM

Any baseball/hockey/tennis/golf instructor will tell the student to think of the bat/stick/raquet/club as an extension of your body.

Posted by Chris in Vancouver WA on November 13, 2009 at 9:00 AM

@3 FTW!

Posted by Andy_Squirrel on November 13, 2009 at 9:03 AM

WHO FUCKIN REFERENCED THE TIMECUBE ON THIS BLOG?!?!?!?! NEVER SPEAK IT'S NAME. 4 SIDES? SIX SIDES? FUCKING TARDS U CAN'T MAKE JOKES LIKE THAT AFTER THE HOLOCAUST/911 IT IS BANAL. EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!

ALLOW ME TO OFFICIALLY END ANY/ALL MEME REFS TO THAT GROUP/PERSONS:

BUSH IS A ROBOT
CONTROLLED BY LIZARD ALIENS
THE SUN IS GOING TO IM/EXPLODE
SCHLAG! SCHLAG! SCHLAG!

WIN? WINZ.

AND A NUTTA: KARLES SO DELIGHTFUL HOW LIL U GET OUT OF SPINOZA ON THE SUBJECT OF SUBSTANCES AND CONNEX. MEBBE IF YOU RED MOR O DAT, DEN FOLLOWED THE PHILO TRENDZ THRU AGES U WULD APPROACH COMPETENCE. BUT USUALLY THE BLOCKED MIND IZ AZ DRUNK HO'S AT A BLOCK PARTY DO: "WHAT'S UR NAME!!! OMG!!! WHAT'S UR NAME!!! OMG!!!! (GETTING FUCKED)" Y U READ SOME INTERESTING THINGZ YET R COMPLETELY INCAPABLE OF ABSORBING KONCEPT/TOOL/BRICK/THOUGHT/ACTION?

IT IS SAD THAT U R CONSIDERED INTELLECTUAL. I CRY. I COULDN'T HIDE IT. I TRIED. BONE THUGS. SIGNED BY EAZY, KILLED BY MUDEDE.

Posted by LaRiiiiM0RrrHAwtiiii696969

on November 13, 2009 at 9:07 AM

ASSAULT ONLY RELEVANT CUZ OF ASS PART OF WORD.

KING KARLES ONLY RELEVANT CUZ I LISTEN AND RESPONSD.

PUSSY ONLY CRUSHES IF U LET IT.

BAD GRAPHIC DESIGN, BAD IDEAS, BAD THOUGHT, BAD BAD WHITE KITTY.

Posted by LaRiiiiM0RrrHAwtiiii696969

on November 13, 2009 at 9:08 AM

#5 are communist devil.

Posted by doceb on November 13, 2009 at 9:19 AM

Ohh Charles, I love how you can't hold my attention.

Posted by steakhaus on November 13, 2009 at 9:25 AM

COMMUNISM IS A MYTH.
CATS ARE REAL.
PET THE CAT.
THESE PAWS GOT CLAWS.

Posted by LaRiiiiM0RrrHAwtiiii696969

on November 13, 2009 at 9:39 AM

As usual. WTF are you talking about Charles? If you're going to do mushrooms before blogging you need to share with your readers.

Posted by Root on November 13, 2009 at 9:45 AM

In France, they would have shared the same PARAPLUIE PERIPERSONAL SPACE!

Posted by Medina on November 13, 2009 at 9:46 AM

It's pretty fucking bad when the troll makes more sense than Charles does.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty

on November 13, 2009 at 10:05 AM

That explains Fred Astaire.

Posted by Vince on November 13, 2009 at 10:38 AM

If you append a picture of a naked chick holding an umbrella, this will be the greatest Slog post of the week.

Posted by laterite on November 13, 2009 at 11:18 AM

WHITE CATZ NOT TROLLZ.

TROLLZ DIRTY, UGLY FELLAS LIVE UNDER BRIDGES.

CATZ VERY CLEAN.

ALSO, EVERYTHING CATZ SEZ MAKES PERFECT SENSE, IF YOU ONLY READ HARDER.

Posted by CATSPAW666 on November 13, 2009 at 12:03 PM

I will admit that the kitty kat has begun presenting more comprehensible and compelling reading over the last couple of weeks.

Posted by laterite on November 13, 2009 at 12:14 PM

Dear The Stranger:
Please replace Charles Mudede with CATSPAW666.

Thanks!

P.S. Mudede has been educated stupid.

Posted by supergp on November 13, 2009 at 1:05 PM

The umbrella was racist...No, wait ---was it black?

Posted by hartiepie on November 13, 2009 at 1:13 PM

This peripersonal space, this divine extension of the mind into true reality reaches an amazing overlapping and sharing, a spiritual connection of self when the head is lodged so firmly in the ass; the peripersonal space of the rectum combines with that of the head and becomes one energy, one force, a philosophical sharing in an eternal connection from end to end, the upper and lower strata of the body joining together as one, equal, like the Marxist ideal rising up against the materialistic capitalism of above-shoulder tyranny, and unlike Plato's cave here we see true enlightenment comes not when we escape from the cave but when we force ourselves in, embracing this wondrous synergy in the moist warm darkness of the mind-booty singularity.

Posted by Trevor A on November 13, 2009 at 2:30 PM

See you outside of Pacific Place, Kitty Kat.

Posted by steakhaus on November 15, 2009 at 5:39 AM