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Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Life British Man Loves His Bionic Bowels

Posted by David Schmader on Tue, Nov 17, 2009 at 11:01 AM

Take it away, ABC:

Ged Galvin keeps a cell phone-sized remote control in his pocket at all times. But it doesn't power his TV or DVD player. It helps him control his bowels.

In a devastating motorcycle accident two years ago, the 55-year-old from South Yorkshire, England, suffered major internal injuries. Though doctors initially thought he might not live, they miraculously restored broken wrists, a shattered leg, a fractured pelvic bone, a detached retina and more.

To Galvin's dismay, however, they couldn't repair the muscles in his bottom responsible for controlling bowel movements. He underwent a colostomy—a procedure that allows patients to pass fecal matter through an opening in the abdomen, instead of the rectum, but he said he dreaded living forever with a colostomy bag outside his body.

But an innovative medical technique that allows him to defecate normally, with a pacemaker-like device and remote control, he said, has given him a new lease on life. "I've been through immense pain and suffering," Galvin said. "And here I am with this bionic bottom now. I feel great. I feel fantastic."

Congratulations, Ged Galvin, and good work, medical science!

Comments (28) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment

Fanny-tastic. Ha.

Posted by eloise on November 17, 2009 at 11:03 AM

Does it have a "poot" button?

Posted by Vince on November 17, 2009 at 11:05 AM

SEXIST!

Posted by ScrewYouRusty on November 17, 2009 at 11:05 AM

Good reason to stay off motorcycles.

Posted by crazycatguy on November 17, 2009 at 11:08 AM

@3 because women don't have to poop?

Posted by Renton Mike on November 17, 2009 at 11:13 AM

just what teh world needs: another power bottom

Posted by bucket on November 17, 2009 at 11:14 AM

Well played, bucket. Well played.

Posted by leek on November 17, 2009 at 11:25 AM

Fuck the female libido pill, this is amazing.

Posted by kersy on November 17, 2009 at 11:26 AM

Hal, open the pod bay doors, please.
Hal, open the pod bay doors!
Hal!!!

Posted by Action Slacks on November 17, 2009 at 11:27 AM

I want to hear Golob and Mudede square off on the topic of bionic organs.

Posted by lukeiscool on November 17, 2009 at 11:27 AM

If this guy had been in England on their socialist health care system, they would not have allowed such an innovative new procedure to take place.

Oh wait...

Posted by leggo on November 17, 2009 at 11:32 AM

This will seem a lot less hilarious and a lot more awesome for many of us a few decades from now.

Posted by We Can Rebuild Him on November 17, 2009 at 11:32 AM

Being able decide when to shit would actually be pretty convenient.

Posted by Urgutha Forka on November 17, 2009 at 11:32 AM

He needs a catchy superhero nickname, like Galvinized Ged.

Posted by T on November 17, 2009 at 11:57 AM

"And here I am with this bionic bottom now. I feel great. I feel fantastic."

Now that's the quote of the day.

"Adventures with the Bionic Bottom" sounds like a future Hump submission

Posted by apres_moi on November 17, 2009 at 12:10 PM

Have the consequences of an intemperate and mis-placed fast-forward modified his TiVo viewing habits I wonder.

Posted by kinaidos on November 17, 2009 at 12:17 PM

In the future almost everyone will have a "bionic bowel", and the sheer ubiquity of these will prompt some evil genius to create a device capable of interfering with the electrical current that keeps people's sphincters closed, thus inventing the dreaded, but nonetheless long sought-after "bowel disrupter".

Posted by COMTE

on November 17, 2009 at 12:24 PM

@13

I'm sorry that you don't currently have this ability.

Posted by Asparagus! on November 17, 2009 at 12:29 PM

I hope he has better luck with his remote than we do with our garage door opener. Every couple of weeks or so it just starts opening and closing on its own.

Posted by PaulBarwick on November 17, 2009 at 1:01 PM

My father has a pace maker for his bladder. He has a sensitive bladder and had to piss all the time. He got bad side effects from medication. Finally a doctor installed a pace make type device. I think it gives real light shocks, desensitizing his bladder. Improved the quality of his life.

Posted by gttim on November 17, 2009 at 1:11 PM

#9 FTW!
I LOL'd

Posted by K X One on November 17, 2009 at 2:16 PM

"pacemaker-like device and remote control"

You just *know* someone is going to hack that and make their garage door opener make this poor guy shit on command.

Posted by Gregus on November 17, 2009 at 2:20 PM

I love my motorcycle, but this scares the shit out of me.

Posted by The Amazing Jim

on November 17, 2009 at 2:49 PM

This is amazing. Any with Chrons, UC, or any IBD will be very happy about this. Surgery to remove part of your intestine( and the bad that come with it) are the scarcest part of these diseases. This is so awesome.

Posted by mrbombit on November 17, 2009 at 3:57 PM

@18,
Oh, you know what I mean...

Posted by Urgutha Forka on November 17, 2009 at 4:59 PM

So how long til the neighborhood kids steal the remote and have a field day while he's in a crowded restaurant or wearing a suit?

Posted by freshnycman on November 17, 2009 at 9:47 PM

We just recorded out podcast (http://www.averagejoeshow.com/average-jo…) and mentioned this story there. Interesting idea, but boy did we have fun with this one. The title just made us have to talk about this story. There are so many joke I don't know where to start. But, in seriousness, we did mention the up side of having this system set up too. Better than carrying a bag.

Posted by Corey Charette on November 21, 2009 at 9:12 PM

Just a thought... what happens if he's sitting in the livingroom one night, and his wife decides to change the channel... Just a thought :-)

Posted by Shabull on November 25, 2009 at 6:02 PM