Find Your Valentine
Slog
News & ArtsTuesday, November 17, 2009
Sex Comment of the Day
Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, Nov 17, 2009 at 5:57 PM
Pope Urbane in the comments thread about the 10-year-old who won't recite the pledge of allegiance...
Great kid. I didn't get any sex ed until 7th grade. That'd be around 1978. My freshman year in Highschool we were taught how to put on a condom using a cucumber. I spent the next 6 months thinking I must have the smallest penis in the school.
That made me laugh out loud. On the bus.
4
They actually used a dildo for our sex-ed in 9th grade. It was a wrist-thick nine incher. So this leads me to ask, did all sex-ed teachers get together in secret, and work out ways to make all young men feel inadequate?
7
@4 A dildo? Really now? I bet that teacher didn't last long. Just curious, what the teacher female or male?
And using a cucumber...yeah I'd have been upset too if I didn't measure up to that...I didn't even get sex ed in class, let alone be told how to put on a condom (really who doesn't know how to do that? Who can't read the little instructions inside the pack?).
And using a cucumber...yeah I'd have been upset too if I didn't measure up to that...I didn't even get sex ed in class, let alone be told how to put on a condom (really who doesn't know how to do that? Who can't read the little instructions inside the pack?).
8
I always wondered what kind of bad sex ed info boys received. I don't recall being taught anything beyond 5th grade but the jist was that girls' sexuality did not exist (I didn't know about the clitoris until I was 14 while thumbing through an anatomy manual) beyond deciding which kind of Stayfree pad was the right one for us.
But we sure as hell learned all about boys' erections, nocturnal emissions, pre-cum, THEIR uncontrollable sexual urges and that basically that we would spend the rest of our youth fending them off of our delicate flowers. Eastern Washington sucked.
But we sure as hell learned all about boys' erections, nocturnal emissions, pre-cum, THEIR uncontrollable sexual urges and that basically that we would spend the rest of our youth fending them off of our delicate flowers. Eastern Washington sucked.
9
@7 I ain't lyin'. It was a program where student representatives talked about sex in front of health classes. And you are right, about the teacher getting fired more or less. The program was discontinued that year. There was a little protest about having teenagers talk to teenagers about sex, and it made the local news. I thought it was outlandish, but I didn't think my honesty would be called into question. Weird.
11
@10 - A zucchini? It's a little more in the ballpark.
@8 - Don't feel bad, what you have described is pretty much the entirety of what passes, in US America, for a complete understanding of what it means to be a man and and what it means to be a woman.
@8 - Don't feel bad, what you have described is pretty much the entirety of what passes, in US America, for a complete understanding of what it means to be a man and and what it means to be a woman.
12
Oh, and you are all fired for posting sexy-time comments during, for all I know, your work hours from you work computers at public schools. WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN!
14
I remember 5th grade sex ed (c. 1980) - no demonstration of condoms, but this was a few years before AIDS really had any impact outside of the gay community.
15
Hmm. We had a mixed 4/5th grade class -- sigh, budget cuts -- and our teacher, a really tall man who wore bowties, was also our sex ed instructor. He was pretty decent; I don't remember him being squeamish, and he answered questions from an anonymous ballot box.
When it came to condom time, he took one out from his desk, unwrapped it, stuck two fingers in, and kind of observed it dispassionately for a couple of seconds. Then he asked, "Any questions?"
When it came to condom time, he took one out from his desk, unwrapped it, stuck two fingers in, and kind of observed it dispassionately for a couple of seconds. Then he asked, "Any questions?"
17
I remember the class being split into boys and girls. The boys got an old gym teacher in the funny shorts who talked to us about "stuff." If I remember correctly, he spent most of the class telling us how cool gym teachers and priests were. He didn't tell my anything that I really needed to know in the back seat of my car after a Bruce Springsteen concert. Stuff that would have saved me a whole lot of aggravation.
18
@10 - isn't a banana classic? i know the shape is a little wonky, but that's true of some penises too.
i think it's unfair and/or terrifying to set us girls up with cucumber-sized expectations as much as it is demoralizing for adolescent boys.
i think it's unfair and/or terrifying to set us girls up with cucumber-sized expectations as much as it is demoralizing for adolescent boys.
19
I got comprehensive sex ed from a one-thumbed lesbian softball coach who was eager to describe the function of various body parts in scientific detail, but really hated describing sex. She would start each clinical and biology-specific/gender-neutral description with "okay, now for the boring part" and a sigh.
When someone eventually asked why she thought sex was boring, she explained that sex ed really didn't need to go beyond the general stimulative and reproductive aspects of biology (which is what the curriculum mandated), and having to define sexuality for folks was painful to her since "you guys probably have it all figured out by now" (which wasn't part of the curriculum).
Then we came to find out that her partner was a published professor of human sexuality with a specialty in something awkward like post-adolescent virginity (i.e. folks who don't do anything until college, later, or sometimes ever) and had a hard time believing that any teacher, let alone her own partner, would have the gall to describe different sexualities, even though it wasn't part of the curriculum.
So my teacher, even though we only learned the "how" and not the "who", made an effort to not only avoid driving through Sexualitytown, she backtracked three towns and took a flight over it.
Thankfully I didn't get the teacher who said that gay men have an 90% chance of catching HIV with each sexual act and that lesbians frequently died before 50 of various types of infection. Oh, and who also said most children conceived outside of marriage died young.
When someone eventually asked why she thought sex was boring, she explained that sex ed really didn't need to go beyond the general stimulative and reproductive aspects of biology (which is what the curriculum mandated), and having to define sexuality for folks was painful to her since "you guys probably have it all figured out by now" (which wasn't part of the curriculum).
Then we came to find out that her partner was a published professor of human sexuality with a specialty in something awkward like post-adolescent virginity (i.e. folks who don't do anything until college, later, or sometimes ever) and had a hard time believing that any teacher, let alone her own partner, would have the gall to describe different sexualities, even though it wasn't part of the curriculum.
So my teacher, even though we only learned the "how" and not the "who", made an effort to not only avoid driving through Sexualitytown, she backtracked three towns and took a flight over it.
Thankfully I didn't get the teacher who said that gay men have an 90% chance of catching HIV with each sexual act and that lesbians frequently died before 50 of various types of infection. Oh, and who also said most children conceived outside of marriage died young.
21
Dude, ok, I got my first session of sex ed in 5th grade (which was absolutely mortifying for me as I was in the ONLY fifth-grade class with a male teacher - terrifying.) And when we did it again in seventh grade, we practiced putting the condoms on...eachother. Seriously, imagine your best friend, holding their two hands together, pointing a "gun" at you using 2 fingers on each hand. Aaaand, then you put a condom on their fingers. In class.
22
@11 & 18...but the guys were saying the size made them feel inadequate, so I'm trying to find something that would boost their confidence. If baby carrots don't work, how about a pickle?
23
I actually never got sex-ed at school. In fifth grade, girls got a talk about menstruation and boys got some talk too, though it was separate from us so I have no idea what it was.
When I was in junior high, there was a health class that I was exempt from because I was in orchestra instead. Maybe they figured I could learn about sex by playing a bowed instrument???
Fortunately, my parents taught me the basic facts when I was young, and I asked questions as I got older, so it really didn't matter. Not sure what the other string players did, though....
When I was in junior high, there was a health class that I was exempt from because I was in orchestra instead. Maybe they figured I could learn about sex by playing a bowed instrument???
Fortunately, my parents taught me the basic facts when I was young, and I asked questions as I got older, so it really didn't matter. Not sure what the other string players did, though....
24
I don't know about string players, but I've known a few women who play the flute pretty well. Betcha they didn't learn that at band practice, though.
26
Aww. I got the condom stretched over an enclosed fist and arm. And the intructions that any boy who tells you this won't fit, thinks your an idiot. There's got to be wrappin' before the tappin'. It's a good thing too, because my parents were abstinence only folks. And, you can be damn sure that my teenage daughter got the same intructions, and then some (thanks, Dan). The preteen son gets the talk over winter break (thanks in advance, Dan).
27
"I got the condom stretched over an enclosed fist and arm."
Try leaving it on for 20 minutes and see how your hand feels.
Try leaving it on for 20 minutes and see how your hand feels.
28
27,
It was tight, but livable. And, I speak from my hands perspective, not a man's penis. Pregnancy and childbirth was far more uncomfortable, and I speak from my own experience.
It was tight, but livable. And, I speak from my hands perspective, not a man's penis. Pregnancy and childbirth was far more uncomfortable, and I speak from my own experience.
30
#28, #29, I'm not defending guys who weasel out of wearing condoms, but #28 said "any boy who tells you this won't fit, thinks your an idiot". Some larger guys genuinely do not fit into normal condoms, or if they manage to force themselves into one it becomes extremely uncomfortable really fast (think tight rubber band around your finger).
Just tell your daughter to keep magnums on hand. Then if she gets the "this doesn't fit" line, she can respond "ok, try this one". If she still gets the line, she can tell him to prove it (magnum will easily slip onto most guys, she could probably even do it herself). Teaching her to assume anyone with a potentially large penis thinks she's an idiot maybe not the best way for her to, er, get the most out of her partners.
If it's a new partner, though, just make sure the magnum isn't slipping off because the guy over-represented himself.
Just tell your daughter to keep magnums on hand. Then if she gets the "this doesn't fit" line, she can respond "ok, try this one". If she still gets the line, she can tell him to prove it (magnum will easily slip onto most guys, she could probably even do it herself). Teaching her to assume anyone with a potentially large penis thinks she's an idiot maybe not the best way for her to, er, get the most out of her partners.
If it's a new partner, though, just make sure the magnum isn't slipping off because the guy over-represented himself.
31
Thanks W7ngman,
That line was from my sex ed teacher when I was in school. I love men and have more respect for them than that. So, I didn't use that line with my daughter, she's barely a teen, but I did have her put it over my fist and arm and did one on her's as well (and a regular size). And, I did say that pensis come in different sizes, and some are larger than others and require magnum size. I imagine because she is so young that we will be talking about this subject for a while, at least I hope so.
Still, it's a great idea to have both sizes on hand. So, thank you for the suggestion.
That line was from my sex ed teacher when I was in school. I love men and have more respect for them than that. So, I didn't use that line with my daughter, she's barely a teen, but I did have her put it over my fist and arm and did one on her's as well (and a regular size). And, I did say that pensis come in different sizes, and some are larger than others and require magnum size. I imagine because she is so young that we will be talking about this subject for a while, at least I hope so.
Still, it's a great idea to have both sizes on hand. So, thank you for the suggestion.
32
I am still waiting for Dan or someone to write an awesome book about how to talk about sex with your kids. I don't even HAVE kids yet but think about the subject quite often.
By the way, Kim darling, you may want to check out and/or write a guest post for Offbeat Mama, (also run by a woman from Seattle).
By the way, Kim darling, you may want to check out and/or write a guest post for Offbeat Mama, (also run by a woman from Seattle).
33
Singing Cynic,
Don't be too impressed with me. I had help from Aunty Dan making sure all my basis were covered.
Don't be too impressed with me. I had help from Aunty Dan making sure all my basis were covered.
34
@24, oh sure, the flute players get all the attention. But I've been kicking around variations on this bumper-sticker idea for a while:
"Cellists spread their legs for big wood."
"Cellists spread their legs for big wood."
36
Thanks for the smile, JunieGirl and Fifty-Two-Eighty.
And, yes, playing the flute has provided unexpected blessings. Still, I prefer the guitar, I'm biased and think string players are way sexier. Hope that bumper sticker catches on.
And, yes, playing the flute has provided unexpected blessings. Still, I prefer the guitar, I'm biased and think string players are way sexier. Hope that bumper sticker catches on.
Advertisement
Most Commented on Slog
-
SL Letter of the Day: Pill The Homos! by Dan Savage
-
Dear Huffington Post... by Dan Savage
-
The Rick Santorum Rally in Tacoma Probably Could Have Gone Better by Paul Constant
-
Because Guns Make Us More Safer by Goldy
-
Slog Bible Study: Deuteronomy 21:10-14 by Goldy
-
Because Guns Make Us Safer by Goldy
-
Gay Kids Are Still Killing Themselves by Dan Savage
-
Gregoire: "This is signed!" by Eli Sanders
-
Prospecting Science by Charles Mudede
-
Google Briefly Acknowledges the Existence of Gay Couples—and Princess/Frog Couples—on Valentine's Day by Dan Savage
RSS
Facebook
Twitter
Comments (36) RSS