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News & ArtsThursday, November 19, 2009
Savage Love SL Letter of the Day: My Dick Is Bent
Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, Nov 19, 2009 at 10:57 AM
Hello. I'm 16, almost 17, and I'm a gay boy. I'm cool with it, though I'm sort of in the closet right now. I don't think I "look" gay, people don't ask, and I don't go telling. My mom knows, sort of, hope that counts as being out even if my dad doesn't (they don't live together). My problem is this: My penis is bent. It's been like that since I can remember, maybe since I was 5. Somehow I didn't really notice until I was in 7th grade, which is about the same time I really realized I was gay.I've had more ups and downs thinking about my penis than thinking about being gay. I never picture my own penis in sexual fantasies, for instance; and for a long time I tried to switch the hand I used to masturbate so that it might "even things up." It didn't work and I don't think it was meant to work, since my penis has been like that from before I began masturbate; then again, when I was 6 or 7 a cousin masturbated me a few times. I used to think he might have bent it, and hated him for that, but now I think that's not possible. My penis was bent before.
It's not circumcised, I don't have phimosis (yeah, I know what that is). It's bent downwards and it has the shape of a banana. You can't really tell when it's not hard, but when it is, it's obvious.
The rest of BENTT's letter—and my response and an assist from a similarly equipped dude—after the jump.
It's embarrassing. Like two months ago, I was with this guy and I freaked out when he tried to put his hand on top of my dick through my pants. I was a little scared but I definitely would've let him touch it if I wasn't afraid he'd notice. Instead, I stopped him without explanation and I've avoided him ever since. I feel like screaming. I can't imagine what he thinks of me now. I've never been more depressed about my penis. It would've been my first sexual experience as I'm a virgin. It feels unfair.I've seen penises, in internet porn and elsewhere, and I don't think I've seen one quite like mine, not nearly as bent, for sure. As I said, it's really hard to imagine my dick getting inside anyone. When I try to fantasize about penetrating someone I have to imagine I have someone else's dick, or someone else altogether, but it is frustrating and I feel stupid and it only reminds me it's there and then I don't even want to masturbate anymore.
I don't want surgery. I really, really don't want that. I just want my penis to be normal. Or maybe I want you to tell me if I'm dramatically wrong. Do bent penises work the same? Can they penetrate someone? Are they good for oral sex? Do they gross people out? Can they be fixed? What would've happened if I had taken it out? Would he have laughed? Did I let go the one chance I've had to be with someone who likes me? I feel like crap, I really don't know if I want someone to lie to me and tell me my penis is cool and some people will like it; I don't like it myself. I don't know.
I'm hoping my letter isn't too long. Of course it is, who am I kidding. I've been writing it for like 2 hours, and I've said stuff I haven't told anyone and I'm shaking nervous right now and I think I'm gonna start crying or something if I begin to tell you how much I think about being lonely and miserable and never have sex because my penis is the way it is.
Boy Eagerly Needs Talking To
I got some advice for you from a friend—a close friend—with a similar "problem."
But before you read any further: I don't think your dick is a problem. And you'll see, BENTT, when you start to sleep with people, that your cock—if it gets hard enough to shove into someone—is unique and in certain ways advantageous. You WILL be able to get your dick inside someone, BENTT, and it's going to feel really good for you and really good for the person you're shoving it into. Don't reject yourself for fear of being rejected by someone else—what you did with that boy you walked out on—and just be bold and confident and love your dick. It's the only one you've got. Does it get hard? Do you come? Then it works. Enjoy it.
And now some advice from a friend whose dick is shaped like yours.
I feel like I moved mountains getting past the same insecurites.I didn't notice my dick was bent and different until high school. Of course then I had to worry about big, hot jocks giving me loads of shit about the fact that I still looked like an eight year old—and those weren't the kind of loads I wanted from those guys. However, that's a topic for another day. Really, I think it's a matter of first accepting that this is as much a part of you as the parts you love. And second realizing that what you have there, at the right angle, can be a way better cock than your run of the mill "perfect" jock cock. Your own confidence is key here. Yes, bent penises are different, but they work the same way. And I don't know if you've been in a sex store lately, but not only can bent penises penetrate someone, some people spend good money on toys shaped the way our dicks are. Bent dicks put pressure on all the right spots. And yeah, someone might be "grossed" out, BENTT, but I'll tell you something: If a boy has gone that far with you, he's probably not going to laugh at you, and if he does then that's probably not the type of person you want to be with anyway. So hey... stop imagining you as someone else when you beat off because your pounding that insecurity into your head. Instead understand and love that your really bent dick can do things other dicks can't.
E.
Thanks, E., for sharing.
1
Well, I'm no gay man, but I have been with my share of straight boys and seen my share of dicks, so I do have some input.
1-Every man I've ever had sex with (and any I've talked to who are willing to discuss such topics) has some sort of insecurity about his penis. Shape, girth, length, circumcised, uncircumcised--they all have some level of doubt and insecurity about theirs, so I think that's just part of being male. (Yes, women have their own insecurities-never claimed they didn't.)
2-If it works, you're golden. In the heat of the moment, that's all anyone really wants.
3-Like Dan tells readers with kinks, don't present it as something to be ashamed of--think of it as a bonus. "You COULD be with any ol' run-of-the-mill dick, but MY dick is extraordinary!" Kind of like a super-hero dick.
4-17 is still pretty young and early in your sexual history to be panicking about never having sex. I'm glad you're asking now, instead of 10 or 20 years from now, spending all that time afraid of your own body.
5-Penis or not, we all have concerns going into sexual encounters. Once you have some more experience, you'll look back on this time and realize it was probably all a part of beginner's nerves.
Good luck with coming out to everyone--you'll have plenty of fun if you can embrace your body "as is" and realize that function comes before form.
1-Every man I've ever had sex with (and any I've talked to who are willing to discuss such topics) has some sort of insecurity about his penis. Shape, girth, length, circumcised, uncircumcised--they all have some level of doubt and insecurity about theirs, so I think that's just part of being male. (Yes, women have their own insecurities-never claimed they didn't.)
2-If it works, you're golden. In the heat of the moment, that's all anyone really wants.
3-Like Dan tells readers with kinks, don't present it as something to be ashamed of--think of it as a bonus. "You COULD be with any ol' run-of-the-mill dick, but MY dick is extraordinary!" Kind of like a super-hero dick.
4-17 is still pretty young and early in your sexual history to be panicking about never having sex. I'm glad you're asking now, instead of 10 or 20 years from now, spending all that time afraid of your own body.
5-Penis or not, we all have concerns going into sexual encounters. Once you have some more experience, you'll look back on this time and realize it was probably all a part of beginner's nerves.
Good luck with coming out to everyone--you'll have plenty of fun if you can embrace your body "as is" and realize that function comes before form.
2
BENTT,
FYI, straight woman here.
First, everybody has body parts that we don't think are optimal or lovely enough. We're all a little unsure at times. It's part of being human.
Second, think of it as your super power. Embrace it, cherish it, and rock it.
Good luck.
FYI, straight woman here.
First, everybody has body parts that we don't think are optimal or lovely enough. We're all a little unsure at times. It's part of being human.
Second, think of it as your super power. Embrace it, cherish it, and rock it.
Good luck.
3
If you're doin' a boy from behind, a downward curve would scratch his prostate real good. Like Dan said, it's all about learning how to use it. My favorite fuck buddy ever had a pretty radical curve to the side and he used it good enough to keep me coming back least three times a month for more than a year.
4
As the owner of a curved penis (upward and rotated slightly to my left), I can tell you that I've only heard positive comments from my partners (all women as that's just how I roll). Some have even bragged about it! As such, I have considered it a "super power" as others have indicated you should consider yours.
My first lover may have been the most appreciative (being 16 years older and more experienced than I didn't hurt, either). You could certainly try that approach to help boost your confidence.
My first lover may have been the most appreciative (being 16 years older and more experienced than I didn't hurt, either). You could certainly try that approach to help boost your confidence.
6
Bentt, two things...
First, I recently hooked up with a dude with a bent dick. I love dick in all shapes and sizes, and thought his dick was great. And it worked just like every other penis that was capable of having an erection.
Secondly, I have a slightly bent dick (bends up, not down) and the only person who ever made a comment about it was a straight dude who I hooked up with (we're still friends, but we haven't fooled around in years). He wanted to get fucked and he shot his load about 5 seconds after I entered him. He later wrote me a poem about my 'crooked penis'.
I hope you learn to love your cock. Your whole life will improve when you do. And there are plenty of guys who like penis' that bend one way or another.
First, I recently hooked up with a dude with a bent dick. I love dick in all shapes and sizes, and thought his dick was great. And it worked just like every other penis that was capable of having an erection.
Secondly, I have a slightly bent dick (bends up, not down) and the only person who ever made a comment about it was a straight dude who I hooked up with (we're still friends, but we haven't fooled around in years). He wanted to get fucked and he shot his load about 5 seconds after I entered him. He later wrote me a poem about my 'crooked penis'.
I hope you learn to love your cock. Your whole life will improve when you do. And there are plenty of guys who like penis' that bend one way or another.
7
Heehee... I remember the first (and only) time I encountered a bent dick. I was fooling around with this guy and I got so embarrassed because I thought I broke it. I asked "Did I hurt you?" He didn't say anything, and I actually think he didn't understand that I felt responsible for it. Looking back it would have been nice if he had given a quick explanation, that it works fine or something. I thought I had really hurt the guy and got so nervous I had to leave. I did end up having sex with him later, it wasn't very good cause his shape and huge size didn't work for my vagina. But I'm sure it would more than please some other lucky gal.
8
I doubt it is Peyronie's disease... but I found this to be an interesting read...
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/peyroni…
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/peyroni…
9
Although I've asked my sister-in-law NOT to give me a lot of details about their sex life, apparently my brother's dick is also curved downwards. He told her about it before they were dating, and she couldn't wait to see it in action. They still have sex nearly every day after 10 years together, so I guess it works for them.
And as JunieGirl pointed out, nearly every guy has some hang-up about his dick. My ex-husband — who has a perfect, 'normal,' average-size dick — was convinced that it was extra small because all of the dicks he'd seen in porn were gigantic. The moral of that story is: don't judge your penis by other penises. Only judge it by how good it feels.
And as JunieGirl pointed out, nearly every guy has some hang-up about his dick. My ex-husband — who has a perfect, 'normal,' average-size dick — was convinced that it was extra small because all of the dicks he'd seen in porn were gigantic. The moral of that story is: don't judge your penis by other penises. Only judge it by how good it feels.
10
Dear Bentt,
Comparing your dick to porn cocks is not going to give you a realistic image of what real dicks are like. Because I went by TV, when I was your age I thought my C cup breasts were small. As you can tell by the comments, you are not alone by a long shot. I'm willing to bet the captain of your football team has issues with his penis.
And the guy who put his hand down your pants? He probably would have found the very thing you were worried about cool. That's been my experience, anyway.
I have never regretted facing a fear or insecurity head on. It's the actions I made out of insecurity that I tend to regret.
Comparing your dick to porn cocks is not going to give you a realistic image of what real dicks are like. Because I went by TV, when I was your age I thought my C cup breasts were small. As you can tell by the comments, you are not alone by a long shot. I'm willing to bet the captain of your football team has issues with his penis.
And the guy who put his hand down your pants? He probably would have found the very thing you were worried about cool. That's been my experience, anyway.
I have never regretted facing a fear or insecurity head on. It's the actions I made out of insecurity that I tend to regret.
11
Dear Bentt,
Comparing your dick to porn cocks is not going to give you a realistic image of what real dicks are like. Because I went by TV, when I was your age I thought my C cup breasts were small. As you can tell by the comments, you are not alone by a long shot. I'm willing to bet the captain of your football team has issues with his penis.
And the guy who put his hand down your pants? He probably would have found the very thing you were worried about cool. That's been my experience, anyway.
I have never regretted facing a fear or insecurity head on. It's the actions I made out of insecurity that I tend to regret.
Comparing your dick to porn cocks is not going to give you a realistic image of what real dicks are like. Because I went by TV, when I was your age I thought my C cup breasts were small. As you can tell by the comments, you are not alone by a long shot. I'm willing to bet the captain of your football team has issues with his penis.
And the guy who put his hand down your pants? He probably would have found the very thing you were worried about cool. That's been my experience, anyway.
I have never regretted facing a fear or insecurity head on. It's the actions I made out of insecurity that I tend to regret.
12
Let me add one more "im bent and know what you are feeling" comment.
I must applaud KimInPortland for her "superpower" line. Long ago I realized I had something unique and awesome to use. With great power came great responsibility... to pleasure my partner. :)
I must applaud KimInPortland for her "superpower" line. Long ago I realized I had something unique and awesome to use. With great power came great responsibility... to pleasure my partner. :)
13
I also have a downward bend, not quite as much as a banana, but the boys do love it! Sometimes I have wished for it to be more straight, but I've never been laughed at or rejected because of it, so certainly don't be worried about that!
14
Oh man, NEVER compare yourself to porn. That kind of shit is exactly why women go get labiaplasties on totally normal vaginas.
Every dick is different. They all work and smell and taste different. You'll see that for yourself soon enough, but you gotta get out there and experience it to learn it!
Every dick is different. They all work and smell and taste different. You'll see that for yourself soon enough, but you gotta get out there and experience it to learn it!
15
Don't feel bad about it! A dick with a downward curve is just the right angle for blow jobs. I think you will find that most guys will appreciate the curve, they won't have to find an awkward angle to deep throat you.
17
What #15 said. A downward bend is the best thing ever for getting blowjobs while standing. Work on your toppish skills: anyone who likes getting on their knees is going to love the hell out of your cock.
18
As a professional bottom, I can tell you that a downward bending cock is definitely the best cock for getting fucked doggy style. It hits the spot oh so well. Be proud of it BENTT, it is truly a gift. :)
19
Everybody is taking this letter seriously and the issue it raises is a serious one. That said, the quality of writing leads me to have a little trouble believing it was written by a 16/17 year old. What really confirmed my gut feeling was the use of semicolons. Most college graduates that I know would probably struggle to find the semicolon on their keyboard, much less use it correctly. Maybe I'm wrong, but this seemed a little too neatly done.
Also, as a side comment: this seems to be one of the few cases where Dan really can't ask for photos for "research purposes."
Also, as a side comment: this seems to be one of the few cases where Dan really can't ask for photos for "research purposes."
20
There's actually a lot of examples of porn stars with a downward bend, if you must compare yourself to porn. There's one extremely prolific guy (straight porn) but I can't think of the name.
"If you're doin' a boy from behind, a downward curve would scratch his prostate real good."
Pretty much exactly what I was thinking. Would work great on the ladies, too, if you ever decide to go that way.
"If you're doin' a boy from behind, a downward curve would scratch his prostate real good."
Pretty much exactly what I was thinking. Would work great on the ladies, too, if you ever decide to go that way.
21
I'm a straight woman... But I think we're probably almost as qualified to weigh in on this one as gay men... I've been with my share of men and seen a lot of dick. Every one is unique and different and thats why they're so awesome. My current boyfriend has a pretty dramatic curve to left when he gets hard and I think his cock is gorgeous. Between the curve and his skillfulness in the sack, I can safely say that sex with him is BY FAR the best sex I've ever had every single time. That goes for vaginal and booty lovin. So don't let yourself get self-conscious, do some (safe) experimenting, and focus on learning everything you can about beign a good lover. Cuz sex is almost all about the skill, not the cock. Learn how to use what you've got and you're golden.
22
What's with the shitty advice? "Bent dicks are Ok...it works just fine"
Fuck you all! Many, many people lust for curvy cocks. They're a tremendous asset. Doesn't anyone understand that? It's no different than someone's taste in cut vs. uncut. Don't feel uncomfortable pulling out your dick. If someone does not find it attractive then that is not the person for you and you will know right away rather then wasting time with the courtship. But for many their eyes will grow big at the surprise that is in store for them. And just because someone is surprised does not mean they are not excited about your curvy cock. Society typically says old and fat is unattactive yet you see people feeling sick that they a too thin, or their dick is too big, or they wish were 30-years-older. You sound just like those people. Your cock is beautiful and unique and it IS porn star quality.
Fuck you all! Many, many people lust for curvy cocks. They're a tremendous asset. Doesn't anyone understand that? It's no different than someone's taste in cut vs. uncut. Don't feel uncomfortable pulling out your dick. If someone does not find it attractive then that is not the person for you and you will know right away rather then wasting time with the courtship. But for many their eyes will grow big at the surprise that is in store for them. And just because someone is surprised does not mean they are not excited about your curvy cock. Society typically says old and fat is unattactive yet you see people feeling sick that they a too thin, or their dick is too big, or they wish were 30-years-older. You sound just like those people. Your cock is beautiful and unique and it IS porn star quality.
23
Um, is no one else concerned about the fact that he was molested by his (presumably older) cousin as a child?
24
BENTT-
Dude! You have a remarkable gift! Downward bent cocks are super hot! Nothing's better for deep throating (they slide right down) and nothings better for hitting the prostrate doggy style!
No way would I laugh at your tool. I'd worship it.
Dude! You have a remarkable gift! Downward bent cocks are super hot! Nothing's better for deep throating (they slide right down) and nothings better for hitting the prostrate doggy style!
No way would I laugh at your tool. I'd worship it.
25
As Dan and many commenters have already pointed out, plenty of guys with bent penises have no trouble satisfying their partners. I'm a lesbian, so my experience with flesh-and-blood cock is pretty limited, but I can tell you that my toys with curves are the ones that see the most mileage. They're perfect for hitting the g-spot, and from what I understand, perfect for hitting the prostate as well. Like Badstone said, you'd probably want to do your partner doggy style for maximum prostate-hitting effect -- although I'd encourage you not to jump into penetration straight away. As Dan says, ass-fucking isn't a first date activity.
(Also, I notice that you seem a little self-conscious about being a virgin. Don't be. When I was your age, I got rid of my virginity just to get rid of it, with a woman who was married and twice my age. When the whole thing was over, I hadn't been let in on some great secret known only to sexually active adults; I had just had some sleazy, not-terribly-enjoyable sex with someone I didn't really like or respect. I'm not saying you should wait in a tower until Prince Charming comes along -- but do hold out for someone you're attracted to and friendly with.)
Finally, have you tried asking your doctor about this? A lot of perfectly healthy men have bent penises, but extreme curvature could potentially indicate a medically significant condition -- for instance, problems with the urethra. Most doctors won't recommend penile surgery except in extreme cases, and nobody can force you to have surgery. If your doctor does recommend surgery -- which s/he probably won't -- then just find another doctor. You'll feel better if you know for sure what's going on with your penis. And in the *highly unlikely* event that it might be a real health problem -- well, it's better to know as soon possible. Yeah, it'll probably be embarrassing to bring this up at your next check-up, but I can assure you that your doctor has heard much worse. And part of being an adult is being able to look your physician in the eye and say "So, I think I might have a problem with my penis/vagina/anus/whatever, and I was hoping I could get your advice."
Based on your letter, it seems possible that you have a condition called chordee -- which, incidentally, is proportionally more prevalent among gay men than straight men, probably because it's related to low levels of androgen production and/or receptivity in the womb. (This is the over-the-internet "diagnosis" of an armchair science buff, so take it with a HUGE grain of salt. Also, please don't think I'm pathologizing your sexual orientation. As a queer myself, I am extremely interested in the formation of sexual orientation -- and yeah, I do think there's a physiological component to homosexuality. But heterosexuality has just as much of a physiological etiology; it's not magically the default state.)
More...
(Also, I notice that you seem a little self-conscious about being a virgin. Don't be. When I was your age, I got rid of my virginity just to get rid of it, with a woman who was married and twice my age. When the whole thing was over, I hadn't been let in on some great secret known only to sexually active adults; I had just had some sleazy, not-terribly-enjoyable sex with someone I didn't really like or respect. I'm not saying you should wait in a tower until Prince Charming comes along -- but do hold out for someone you're attracted to and friendly with.)
Finally, have you tried asking your doctor about this? A lot of perfectly healthy men have bent penises, but extreme curvature could potentially indicate a medically significant condition -- for instance, problems with the urethra. Most doctors won't recommend penile surgery except in extreme cases, and nobody can force you to have surgery. If your doctor does recommend surgery -- which s/he probably won't -- then just find another doctor. You'll feel better if you know for sure what's going on with your penis. And in the *highly unlikely* event that it might be a real health problem -- well, it's better to know as soon possible. Yeah, it'll probably be embarrassing to bring this up at your next check-up, but I can assure you that your doctor has heard much worse. And part of being an adult is being able to look your physician in the eye and say "So, I think I might have a problem with my penis/vagina/anus/whatever, and I was hoping I could get your advice."
Based on your letter, it seems possible that you have a condition called chordee -- which, incidentally, is proportionally more prevalent among gay men than straight men, probably because it's related to low levels of androgen production and/or receptivity in the womb. (This is the over-the-internet "diagnosis" of an armchair science buff, so take it with a HUGE grain of salt. Also, please don't think I'm pathologizing your sexual orientation. As a queer myself, I am extremely interested in the formation of sexual orientation -- and yeah, I do think there's a physiological component to homosexuality. But heterosexuality has just as much of a physiological etiology; it's not magically the default state.)
28
I've been with exactly one guy who had a dick like this. He was a top and the sex was freaking amazing. BENTT has nothing whatsoever to worry about.
Here's an analogy: I'm uncut and grew up in a town where everyone was circumcised. Getting changed for gym class was an embarrassment because I was different from all of the other boys. I'd even pretend to go urinate before changing so I could roll the foreskin back and pretend my cock was cut.
And then, you know what? I got over it. And after that, after I came out of the closet, I discovered guys loved my uncut cock, because it was different.
Remember: when it comes to sex, different is almost always good!
Here's an analogy: I'm uncut and grew up in a town where everyone was circumcised. Getting changed for gym class was an embarrassment because I was different from all of the other boys. I'd even pretend to go urinate before changing so I could roll the foreskin back and pretend my cock was cut.
And then, you know what? I got over it. And after that, after I came out of the closet, I discovered guys loved my uncut cock, because it was different.
Remember: when it comes to sex, different is almost always good!
29
@23,
If the cousin wasn't older, then it's pretty normal sexual experimentation between children.
If the cousin wasn't older, then it's pretty normal sexual experimentation between children.
30
I can't speak to buttsex with a curved cock. But a downward curved cock is great for blowjobs! Goes down the throat MUCH easier than a typical straight cock.
You ever see those medical devices they use to intubate someone who can't breath on their own? It's curved to make it go down their throat easier. Just like your dick.
Your dick is shaped just like a perfectly designed medical device, ideally suited for shoving down someone's lucky throat.
Don't be embarrassed. Be happy.
You ever see those medical devices they use to intubate someone who can't breath on their own? It's curved to make it go down their throat easier. Just like your dick.
Your dick is shaped just like a perfectly designed medical device, ideally suited for shoving down someone's lucky throat.
Don't be embarrassed. Be happy.
32
Mine is bends downward too, but I don't remember having much anxiety over that. Maybe his bend is more dramatic.
As long as (1) your cock gets hard & (2) you can come; your future boyfriends will be very happy. That second point may seem odd from a 16 year old boy's perspective because coming is as easy as having a sexy thought at that age, but it does happen to some guys when they get older. The guy I'm seeing now can get hard but it take FOREVER for him to come. Most times he can't & gives up out of exhaustion. It sucks because I find myself not initiating because I don't feel like going through the ordeal of trying & failing. I come in two seconds without any effort! Why can't he?!?!
Sorry to hijack the thread. I'm just longing for a nice hot load! sigh
As long as (1) your cock gets hard & (2) you can come; your future boyfriends will be very happy. That second point may seem odd from a 16 year old boy's perspective because coming is as easy as having a sexy thought at that age, but it does happen to some guys when they get older. The guy I'm seeing now can get hard but it take FOREVER for him to come. Most times he can't & gives up out of exhaustion. It sucks because I find myself not initiating because I don't feel like going through the ordeal of trying & failing. I come in two seconds without any effort! Why can't he?!?!
Sorry to hijack the thread. I'm just longing for a nice hot load! sigh
33
I don't understand why everyone seems to be missing the point about how the boy was masturbated by his cousin when he was 6 or 7 and reports that he "hated him" and now he's scared when he attempts sexual activity.
Dan, you screwed it up by not mentioning this. This kid sounds like he could be a victim of childhood sexual abuse (possibly child-on-child sexual abuse) who relates his penis' inadequacies to the situation with his cousin. Maybe that incident is also the source of his anxiety. He's shaking and crying as he writes the letter, don't forget, and disclosing things he's never told anybody, possibly including the part about the cousin. I'm surprised that no one else sees that this guy's extreme fear might be about being scared of sexual activity or feeling inadequate and disempowered about his body and sexuality, more than truly fearing his penis' imperfect shape.
I don't know for certain if the kid was sexually abused, but it sure sounds like something he might want to take up with a good psychotherapist or support group.
Kid, if you're reading this and the idea of abuse being your problem resonates for you, hang in there. It's not your fault, and it can be solved (more easily than unbending your penis, probably). You can call RAINN for more information and a referral to social services in your area: 1800 656 HOPE, http://www.rainn.org/
Best of luck to you, no matter if childhood sexual abuse or a curved cock, or both, are the real problem.
Dan, you screwed it up by not mentioning this. This kid sounds like he could be a victim of childhood sexual abuse (possibly child-on-child sexual abuse) who relates his penis' inadequacies to the situation with his cousin. Maybe that incident is also the source of his anxiety. He's shaking and crying as he writes the letter, don't forget, and disclosing things he's never told anybody, possibly including the part about the cousin. I'm surprised that no one else sees that this guy's extreme fear might be about being scared of sexual activity or feeling inadequate and disempowered about his body and sexuality, more than truly fearing his penis' imperfect shape.
I don't know for certain if the kid was sexually abused, but it sure sounds like something he might want to take up with a good psychotherapist or support group.
Kid, if you're reading this and the idea of abuse being your problem resonates for you, hang in there. It's not your fault, and it can be solved (more easily than unbending your penis, probably). You can call RAINN for more information and a referral to social services in your area: 1800 656 HOPE, http://www.rainn.org/
Best of luck to you, no matter if childhood sexual abuse or a curved cock, or both, are the real problem.
34
I don't understand why everyone seems to be missing the point about how the boy was masturbated by his cousin when he was 6 or 7 and reports that he "hated him" and now he's scared when he attempts sexual activity.
Dan, you screwed it up by not mentioning this. This kid sounds like he could be a victim of childhood sexual abuse (possibly child-on-child sexual abuse) who relates his penis' inadequacies to the situation with his cousin. Maybe that incident is also the source of his anxiety. He's shaking and crying as he writes the letter, don't forget, and disclosing things he's never told anybody, possibly including the part about the cousin. I'm surprised that no one else sees that this guy's extreme fear might be about being scared of sexual activity or feeling inadequate and disempowered about his body and sexuality, more than truly fearing his penis' imperfect shape.
I don't know for certain if the kid was sexually abused, but it sure sounds like something he might want to take up with a good psychotherapist or support group.
Kid, if you're reading this and the idea of abuse being your problem resonates for you, hang in there. It's not your fault, and it can be solved (more easily than unbending your penis, probably). You can call RAINN for more information and a referral to social services in your area: 1800 656 HOPE, http://www.rainn.org/
Best of luck to you, no matter if childhood sexual abuse or a curved cock, or both, are the real problem.
Dan, you screwed it up by not mentioning this. This kid sounds like he could be a victim of childhood sexual abuse (possibly child-on-child sexual abuse) who relates his penis' inadequacies to the situation with his cousin. Maybe that incident is also the source of his anxiety. He's shaking and crying as he writes the letter, don't forget, and disclosing things he's never told anybody, possibly including the part about the cousin. I'm surprised that no one else sees that this guy's extreme fear might be about being scared of sexual activity or feeling inadequate and disempowered about his body and sexuality, more than truly fearing his penis' imperfect shape.
I don't know for certain if the kid was sexually abused, but it sure sounds like something he might want to take up with a good psychotherapist or support group.
Kid, if you're reading this and the idea of abuse being your problem resonates for you, hang in there. It's not your fault, and it can be solved (more easily than unbending your penis, probably). You can call RAINN for more information and a referral to social services in your area: 1800 656 HOPE, http://www.rainn.org/
Best of luck to you, no matter if childhood sexual abuse or a curved cock, or both, are the real problem.
35
@33,
From the sound of things it was just kids playing Dr. I could be wrong but from the way he described it I don't think it was abuse.
@BENTT
I've got a slight upward curve and I've had multiple women comment that it hits just the right spot. Give it time and practice and you'll figure out exactly how to use it to get he results you (and your partners) want. Sounds like your curve is pretty intense so just be careful with it your first few times. Don't rush into things, make sure you've got plenty of lube and don't hurt yourself. Remember, it's a curved pole going into a straight hole so it may take some practice. Trust me, soon enough you'll find guys coming back over and over again to get that special spot scratched like only you can do it. For oral that hard curve might even make it far easier to get down without choking.
Let me reiterate something very important Dan mentioned. If a guy freaks out about it when he sees it and runs out without your explanation forget him. He's not worth your time. Move on to someone more appreciative of your special abilities.
From the sound of things it was just kids playing Dr. I could be wrong but from the way he described it I don't think it was abuse.
@BENTT
I've got a slight upward curve and I've had multiple women comment that it hits just the right spot. Give it time and practice and you'll figure out exactly how to use it to get he results you (and your partners) want. Sounds like your curve is pretty intense so just be careful with it your first few times. Don't rush into things, make sure you've got plenty of lube and don't hurt yourself. Remember, it's a curved pole going into a straight hole so it may take some practice. Trust me, soon enough you'll find guys coming back over and over again to get that special spot scratched like only you can do it. For oral that hard curve might even make it far easier to get down without choking.
Let me reiterate something very important Dan mentioned. If a guy freaks out about it when he sees it and runs out without your explanation forget him. He's not worth your time. Move on to someone more appreciative of your special abilities.
36
@ 33 & 34 (PS WTF with the multiple posts?) Thanks for breaking it down for us. I guess the rest of us are just ignorant since we couldn't see the "real problem" disguised behind the writer's body image issues.
Cheers for providing online resource (just in case), jeers for the presumptuous, self-righteous tone.
Cheers for providing online resource (just in case), jeers for the presumptuous, self-righteous tone.
37
Like my politics, my dick trends strongly to the left. I've never really thought about it as anything different from my other body parts. I've got sort of stubby fingers, a short inseam and a long torso, green eyes and a dick that curves left.
38
Dude one of THE hottest fuck buddies I had had a "downward dog"...went down the ol' throat like a shot of Bailey's and hit all the buttons 'round back. Congratulations on your excellent gift from Baby Jeebus.
39
There's a straight porn star named Alex Gonz who has a penis like you describe and believe me, the guys has no problem fucking. But it seems that teens have insecurities about their bodies because they are changing so dramatically for them. Chill. Really. Chill. Now go make nice.
41
@1, thanks JunieGirl. For a straight (sexuality-wise, not necessarily dick-wise) dude, I found your first post really illuminating, especially the bit about lots of guys having insecurities. I've always assumed that pretty much every other guy in the world thought they were a porn star (aside from the odd cliche comparing himself to porn [or cucumbers!] and thinking his dick is too small) - maybe it's just the way straight guys often talk around each other. It's (in equal measure) both reassuring and sad to learn that dick insecurities are so common.
42
@35
Upward curve is H.O.T. and hits just the right spot - those girls weren't lying to you. Downward curve though? Er... all I gotta say is it's a good thing dude is gay and all the gay guys seem to be into it. Because the gonzo dick thing doesn't play as well with the ladies.
Upward curve is H.O.T. and hits just the right spot - those girls weren't lying to you. Downward curve though? Er... all I gotta say is it's a good thing dude is gay and all the gay guys seem to be into it. Because the gonzo dick thing doesn't play as well with the ladies.
43
@41-if it's any consolation, I've heard much more from women about their insecurities--and they tend to be more varied. Men that I've been with and spoken to tend to focus primarily on the dick, while the women I know tend to obsess over many facets of real or perceived flaws.
And I think you're right...the way guys talk amongst themselves seems to be mostly a chest-thumping thing, but behind closed doors the facade tends to crumble.
It is sad...give me a guy who is satisfied with his size and uses it with gusto any day over a guy with a bigger dick but insecurities galore. But I guess it's good to know that there's nothing new under the sun.
My current BF asked me what size I thought guys would make their dicks if they could, and I said they'd have to push them around in a wheelbarrow. (That's definitely not what *I* want from a guy...just my perception of what guys wish they could get.) I guess it's like money--everyone wants more than they have.
And I think you're right...the way guys talk amongst themselves seems to be mostly a chest-thumping thing, but behind closed doors the facade tends to crumble.
It is sad...give me a guy who is satisfied with his size and uses it with gusto any day over a guy with a bigger dick but insecurities galore. But I guess it's good to know that there's nothing new under the sun.
My current BF asked me what size I thought guys would make their dicks if they could, and I said they'd have to push them around in a wheelbarrow. (That's definitely not what *I* want from a guy...just my perception of what guys wish they could get.) I guess it's like money--everyone wants more than they have.
44
And my favorite dick-size comment is my brother's joking remark:
"You know what big hands and big feet mean?
Big rings and big shoes."
"You know what big hands and big feet mean?
Big rings and big shoes."
46
If by "my mom knows, sort of," the writer means he assumes his mom knows by now by his behavior or even topics of conversation, he shouldn't make that assumption. I'd always thought my parents knew I was gay because I would talk about gay rights issues sometimes, and I thought by my behavior they'd've figured it out. But when I said to my dad, "You know I'm gay, right?" he said, "Uh, no." He was fine with it, though, but he had no idea. When he told my mom, she burst into tears because she was scared I'd have a hard life. She didn't know either. Don't equate their surprise with unacceptance; they've been very supportive since day one.
All I'm sayin' is you can't assume anything. If he's going to live his life as though his mom knew he was gay, he may one day find out she doesn't. That day could be a pleasant experience or a horrifying one, so he might as well get it out of the way instead of waiting for some event to bring it to her attention.
All I'm sayin' is you can't assume anything. If he's going to live his life as though his mom knew he was gay, he may one day find out she doesn't. That day could be a pleasant experience or a horrifying one, so he might as well get it out of the way instead of waiting for some event to bring it to her attention.
48
Well, his description sounds about like my own dick (I'm also uncircumcised).
I'm also gay, and I haven't really gotten complaints about my cock, and some people like the fact that it's curved. I haven't had people being like, amazed and worshiping it because of the curve, but I don't get any problems in bed. I have been teased about it tho, outside of the bedroom (by a friend who apparently doesn't know where the line is for friendly teasing - saying your friend has a "deformed dick" when you're hanging out with groups of people is across that line).
And yes, the curvature really does help for blowjobs (and I know that from both giving and receiving them). Unfortunately, mine curves the wrong way for autofellatio. Sometimes I imagine how much better I'd be at that if it curved up instead (yes, better, as in I can do it already).
So, I'm gonna say that the curvature is pretty much a non-issue for the most part, and more guys like the curve than dislike it.
If you're wondering what my dick looks like, it's pretty similar to that dickpic Dan posted on Oct. 29th. That guy's dick is so similar to mine, it's almost like he's my dick-twin. Also note the many positive comments it received.
I'm also gay, and I haven't really gotten complaints about my cock, and some people like the fact that it's curved. I haven't had people being like, amazed and worshiping it because of the curve, but I don't get any problems in bed. I have been teased about it tho, outside of the bedroom (by a friend who apparently doesn't know where the line is for friendly teasing - saying your friend has a "deformed dick" when you're hanging out with groups of people is across that line).
And yes, the curvature really does help for blowjobs (and I know that from both giving and receiving them). Unfortunately, mine curves the wrong way for autofellatio. Sometimes I imagine how much better I'd be at that if it curved up instead (yes, better, as in I can do it already).
So, I'm gonna say that the curvature is pretty much a non-issue for the most part, and more guys like the curve than dislike it.
If you're wondering what my dick looks like, it's pretty similar to that dickpic Dan posted on Oct. 29th. That guy's dick is so similar to mine, it's almost like he's my dick-twin. Also note the many positive comments it received.
49
@23 and 33, not all childhood experimentation is abuse, and not all body issues are caused by abuse. Messing around with various cousins or neighbors is how most of us started experimenting when we were kids, because cousins and neighbors were accessible without adult supervision. And I don't think anyone knows anyone who doesn't have some sort of insecurity about her or his body - that's just human nature. BENTT did not write, "my cousin jerked me off and now I can't have sex." He wrote that he's freaked out by the shape of his own penis to the point that, as a child, he thought it had been broken by the jerk-off. Kids like sex, too.
50
One of my first boyfriends had a bent dick. We certainly had lots of fun together and it was never an impediment. It certainly doesn't seem to have been an issue with his next boyfriend, either, as they are now approaching their 20th anniversary.
51
@35 straight hole? Someone needs to spends some more time with his fingers down there and an anatomy textbook.
52
Just be glad you don't have a corkscrew shaped dick like mine. My wife can't fuck me without doing 360s.
53
@33
Sex play between young boys is normal, even for straight kids. Your pathologizing is not helpful.
Sex play between young boys is normal, even for straight kids. Your pathologizing is not helpful.
55
Hey, I'm smarter than a college graduate! Well, not really; I can do the semicolon thing, htg (@19), and I try super hard to write correctly, but Dan still had to work here and there with wrong conjugations, word order issues and cutting down the boring-creepy-whiny stuff (@27).
Anyway, I dropped by without his help to say: htg made my day almost as much as all of you cool people, making intelligent and kind comments and taking it easy with the crybaby.
I thought Dan might say I should embrace my dick or something, and maybe tell my mom and go see a doctor (God no), but he's just too super cool for that, and makes me glad I pulled the nerve to send the letter. What I didn't know is how much I needed to hear someone saying "I have one of those, it works OK, just chill"; the idea just didn't cross my mind, that others might have the same problem and not even consider it a problem. I'm amazed. For real, even if I know some folks (and ladies) are probably just saying "it's even better than a regular one" because I'm a wimp in desperate need for a confidence boost (and others are not, obviously @22), I can't be nothing but a deeply thankful guy. Thanks Dan, thanks E., thank you all. Had to say it. My life isn't solved, of course, and I still don't really like it, but I'm ecstatic to hear Dan's words together with testimonials from people who have one (sort of) like mine.
And also (to @23,and specially @33): I shouldn't have said anything about my cousin; I didn't want everyone to read that. But now that I did (and that Dan didn't edit that off), I have to add that he wasn't much older (younger than I am now), that we remained friends for years after that, and that I hated him for wrong reasons (and it wasn't even for a long time). Thanks for being concerned anyway, and for the link, it might help others.
And (@46), my mom know I'm gay: I told her; the "sort of" was because we've never really talked about it. She said I was too young to really know (like, 3 years ago) and we've never mentioned it again.
And last, I don't know anyone who reads Dan's column (that's kind of sad), I came across it through the AV club movie reviews, fell in love, and that's why I felt safe to write to him without worrying someone might recognize me if it was published. Even so, I do feel too exposed, and I don't think I'll talk about my problems in such a public fashion ever again. That said, you guys just amazed me for the lack of trolls and the abundance of good natured people.
And so, I felt I should thank you Dan. Publicly. And to everyone else who has taken the time to write about themselves, or about my problems, with a good heart and a great attitude.
MMM
More...
Anyway, I dropped by without his help to say: htg made my day almost as much as all of you cool people, making intelligent and kind comments and taking it easy with the crybaby.
I thought Dan might say I should embrace my dick or something, and maybe tell my mom and go see a doctor (God no), but he's just too super cool for that, and makes me glad I pulled the nerve to send the letter. What I didn't know is how much I needed to hear someone saying "I have one of those, it works OK, just chill"; the idea just didn't cross my mind, that others might have the same problem and not even consider it a problem. I'm amazed. For real, even if I know some folks (and ladies) are probably just saying "it's even better than a regular one" because I'm a wimp in desperate need for a confidence boost (and others are not, obviously @22), I can't be nothing but a deeply thankful guy. Thanks Dan, thanks E., thank you all. Had to say it. My life isn't solved, of course, and I still don't really like it, but I'm ecstatic to hear Dan's words together with testimonials from people who have one (sort of) like mine.
And also (to @23,and specially @33): I shouldn't have said anything about my cousin; I didn't want everyone to read that. But now that I did (and that Dan didn't edit that off), I have to add that he wasn't much older (younger than I am now), that we remained friends for years after that, and that I hated him for wrong reasons (and it wasn't even for a long time). Thanks for being concerned anyway, and for the link, it might help others.
And (@46), my mom know I'm gay: I told her; the "sort of" was because we've never really talked about it. She said I was too young to really know (like, 3 years ago) and we've never mentioned it again.
And last, I don't know anyone who reads Dan's column (that's kind of sad), I came across it through the AV club movie reviews, fell in love, and that's why I felt safe to write to him without worrying someone might recognize me if it was published. Even so, I do feel too exposed, and I don't think I'll talk about my problems in such a public fashion ever again. That said, you guys just amazed me for the lack of trolls and the abundance of good natured people.
And so, I felt I should thank you Dan. Publicly. And to everyone else who has taken the time to write about themselves, or about my problems, with a good heart and a great attitude.
MMM
57
The classic porno pose of kneeling in front of a guy and sucking his cock doesn't actually work that well when his cock is straight or point up. That's because it bangs into the roof of the sucker's mouth making it almost impossible to deep-throat in this position. Only a cock that is bent down, will slide smoothly down your throat, which also curves down. The two curves match.
The last guy I seriously dated had a BIG, GORGEOUS, CURVED, BANANA-SHAPED COCK and I fucking loved kneeling before him and sucking him all the way until he came down my throat. I fucking loved his curved cock.
The last guy I seriously dated had a BIG, GORGEOUS, CURVED, BANANA-SHAPED COCK and I fucking loved kneeling before him and sucking him all the way until he came down my throat. I fucking loved his curved cock.
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