I'm a pretty regular reader of your column, and this week I was looking through the archives for things I'd missed. Two columns prompted me to write and thank you for helping me navigate a difficult situation. The first was a letter from a sex-deprived man essentially begging you for permission to cheat on his wife. He used the acronym LDS, which is of course an immediate indication that he, like me, belongs to that gay-bashing, magic-underwear wearing religion based in Utah. The other was the two-part column on sappy endings, wherein you showed that two people with very different sexual interests can make things work and be happy. ["Sappy Endings," February 15, 2007; "Sappy Endings II," February 22, 2007.]

Lest you misunderstand, I spent 40 years as a participating, card-carrying, self-loathing Mormon, complete with the creepy underwear thing. I'm now 45 and have been out of the church for 5 years, though out of respect for my wife's wishes I haven't formally resigned my church membership. All during those years I suppressed my sexuality to a ridiculous degree. Mormons are terribly sexophobic, with one "prophet" telling us that masturbation inevitably leads to homosexuality. And of course it was a Mormon bishop who explained to me what masturbation was when I was 12 (they don't think twice about having a grown man regularly interviewing young boys and girls behind closed doors about their sexual habits). Needless to say, I grew up with some terrible sexual hangups and fears.

The rest of TFE's letter—and another nice thank-you note that arrived in the mail today—after the jump.

I was a good boy. I never had sex before marriage and swore off masturbation at age 17 because I was told that the Holy Spirit doesn't hang out with wankers. I didn't even have a clear picture of what female genitalia looked like until my honeymoon (and my wife wouldn't look at me below the waist for at least a month). But I knew I was different. By the time I admitted I was bisexual with BDSM interests, I was married with a bunch of kids. My wife asked me if I had any sexual fantasies, and it took a lot of prompting for me to get it all out. Of course, she freaked, being the straightlaced Mormon mom she is, and I regretted telling her at all.

Mormon men are supposed to "preside" in the home (that's such a creepy expression), and women are supposed to be subservient and pop out lots of babies. There's no place for a submissive guy like me in that culture, though I'm sure those issues of unequal gender roles played a big part in developing my sexual interests. At one point, my wife suggested that we speak with our bishop about my "unnatural" desires. You can guess how well that went. But your column helped me realize that I wasn't a freak; in fact, my fantasies are pretty mundane, all things considered. You also helped me to understand that I needed to communicate to my wife that this part of me was important and needed to be expressed. After a lot of talking (and some therapy and marriage counseling), we have reached a really good place in our marriage. She is most definitely GGG (she has her limits, as does everyone), and she finds that she really enjoys seeing me get so much pleasure out of the experience. Of course, I do my best to give her what she needs, and we're both deliriously happy.

I don't have a question, but just wanted you to know that you have made a profound difference in my life. And may I apologize to you and everyone who supports equal marriage rights for ever supporting a destructive and bigoted organization like the LDS church. I have a blog that deals fairly often with my issues with Mormonism, including the two miserable, soul-crushing years I spent as a missionary overseas. So, people can change, and it's good to have people like you to help us.

All my best to you and your partner (that should be spouse, dammit),

Thanks For Everything

Thanks for the nice note, TFE, and I'm glad the column helped. The more Mormon men out there getting their asses beat—safely, sanely, consensually—the better, I say. And here's another lovely little thank-you note that arrived in the mail today...

Listening to your latest podcast, I agree with the caller who says you´ve been sounding a bit down lately. So I thought that I´d write a note to tell you how much I enjoy your podcast and that nearly all of my friends listen to it and enjoy it as well. I'm a Canadian student (21, straight, female) on exchange to Paris right now and having a great time. I have a 45 minute walk to university evey day, and I have downloaded all of the available back issues and I listen to them every morning. It always sets my day off to a good start.

I´m also very happily living the life that is being an exchange student... I have a more serious partner who is in Madrid, so we don´t see each other that often, but it's amazing when we do. Here in Paris I have another boy who I'm beginning to experiment BDSM with (in French, so it counts as studying and being academic) and another possibility who I flirt with in the library regularly. We've got a date planned for this weekend.

So, in essence I'm a slut at the moment and it's awesome. It's slightly messy, because I think most human sexual encounters are, but it's lots of fun. Listening to your podcast for the past couple years has certainly helped me grow up as well. When my best gay friend sent me a link to your column four years I was shocked. I didn't even know that vibrators existed back then! Now I'm being tied up, I can talk dirty in three languages, and I'm having an awesome time. And I think it's probably all due to you. Some might call it corruption, Dan, but I want to thank you for it.

I don't have a question right now, but I was wondering if you could please do another show with Mistress Matisse? That episode is my favorite. [It's SLP Episode 97—click and scroll down.] I walk past 2 convents and a seminary on my way to class, and as I was listening to it for the first time the head nun (abbess?) starting yelling at the younger ones as you two talked about nun-on-nun porn. I cried I was laughing so hard and had to turn down a side street.

Thanks again, please keep up the great work!

K.