I don't know if this will get to you, but anyway... I just wanted to thank you and tell you briefly what's been up.

My original email to you is below. It's not dated but I sent it you around the end of February 2000. I had met you at Sidetrack [a gay bar in Chicago] and I had also read something you wrote along the lines of, "Don't worry about it, have sex if you feel like it, that will not destroy the hopes of a relationship." Anyway... On March 10, 2000, a girl spilled a drink on me at Berlin in Chicago. I didn't enjoy it, but there was this boy smiling at me and saying, "Don't worry about it." I felt like he was special somehow. After dancing and chatting for quite a while I offered him a ride home. (In my Geo Metro, fancy!) I was thinking I shouldn't sleep with him. But then I remembered your thoughts... and I did. And we have had an absolutely wonderful relationship since then. On March 10 we celebrate our 10th anniversary.

Thanks, Dan.

M.

No, M., thank you—your email made my day. In all honesty it brought a tear to my eye. And please accept my congratulations in advance on your upcoming anniversary. How wonderful!

M.'s ten year-old email to me, and my original response to him, are after the jump.

Hi Dan,

I met you at Sidetrack last weekend. I recognized you and you seemed surprised about it. I'm a student at UofChicago, maybe that'll remind you of who I am. Anyway...

I'm writing to this address because it's the only one I know of. Maybe you'd deem this suitable for your "Savage Love" column, I don't know, but I would love it if you'd at least write back to me with your
thoughts.

It goes like this: I can't seem to find a boyfriend! (I know, that's a lame line). No, seriously, I'm a truly nice guy, not a slut, very caring, good looking, and yet I can't seem to find a significant other. Sex? I could get lots. But I want SOMEONE SPECIAL. You probably get tons of this stuff every day, and it's most likely that by this time some schmuck who screens email sent to this account already deleted this, but anyway, it doesn't hurt to try.

Now what's the problem? I truly think that I'm a good catch. I have my own problems, but who doesn't? Very few I'd say, and besides, I feel that not-so-perfect people are interesting anyway... I don't shy away of
the opportunity, I don't think. Is it a collective low self-esteem problem? People think I wouldn't be interested in them? Some have told me this, that's why I say it. It is true that many times I think "He's too cute or too interesting, he would not be interested in me..." What's with all this?

Thanks for reading...

M.

Hey, M....

Just a quick note... it was nice to meet you, too...

You know, i've always had great luck finding boyfriends by being, well, by being a bit of a slut. You'd be surprised how many long-term, stable gay relationships started out as one night stands. A guy who seems to be only after sex might be interested in more—you never know. I've been with my current boyfriend for six years. We met in a gay bar, made out in the bathroom, had sex that night, etc., and we're still together six years later. Don't dismiss the sex-right-now thing 'cuz it just might be the way you wind up meeting SOMEONE SPECIAL. I sure did.

xo
Dan

The boyfriend-of-six-years I mentioned in my note to M.—a guy I made out with the bathroom at Re-bar—is my boyfriend still. We just celebrated our 15th anniversary together on a short and thoroughly surreal weekend trip to New York City. A toast to all the stable, loving, long-term relationships out there that, like mine, had fun & sleazy starts.