If you're single and bitter about your break-up, separation, divorce, de-slave-collaring ceremony—whatever—look around for a memento of that failed relationship and bring it to the Stranger's 13th Annual Valentine's Day Bash. Wedding rings, china, sex toys: bring your memento to Neumos on Saturday, February 13, tell your sad story to the cheering mob—they'll be cheering for you!—and then I will personally destroy your memento for you live onstage in a heart-mending ritual that will help you heal and move past your heartbreak. You will love again! And since the Bash this year is on Valentine's Day Eve, and since Neumos will be packed with other single people who are ready to laugh and date and have sex again, you could wind up with a date on Valentine's Day! Come to the Bash! And... since Valentine's Day just isn't Valentine's Day without chocolate, everyone who comes to the Bash with a memento to smash will receive a Cupcake Royale Deathcake. (The Stranger's resident sugar addict's review of the Deathcake is here.)

The Valentine's Day Bash goes down Saturday, February 13th, at Neumos (925 E. Pike). Doors at 8, show at 9:30. $6 advance, $8 at the door. And you can get your tickets in advance here.