Last Wednesday evening, Seattle Police responded to a call that a Papa Murphy's Take 'N' Bake Pizza manager had just been assaulted. An employee told police that "last night the suspect had ordered a pizza and was unhappy about the way it was made." That's fair. These things happen. So, another pizza was made, and the female suspect picked it up. The next day the woman returned and complained, yet again, about the quality of her (replacement) pizza. According to a police report, the woman stated that "the pizza she had bought last night was so bad that she fed it to the dog."

A few things to note here: (1) It's a Papa Murphy's Take 'N' Bake Pizza. You are the one who bakes it. Unless the ingredients were all past their prime, you are the one who made the pizza terrible; (2) You fed it to your dog? Really? Could you be any more dramatic? Perhaps. You could have said it was so bad that even the dog refused to eat it.

Back to the police report: The hapless employee informed the woman "that without at least a portion of the pizza, a replacement was out of the question." The manager repeated this to the irate customer. "At this point, the suspect stormed out the door," police say. Nearly 15 minutes later, the woman walked back into the store and "threw it in [the manager's] face." The customer said, "Here's your pizza," and then left.

The manager followed the customer out to her vehicle, and, while attempting to get her license plate number, the woman "got out (of the vehicle) and said 'get the fuck away from my truck,'" the report says.

Okay, people, listen up. As someone who used to take pizza orders via phone for Pagliacci Pizza, let me tell you that it's only pizza. If your pizza is not up to its usual quality, kindly ask for another one, and do it before you eat the whole damn thing.