This morning my married lover and I ended our one year affair. Neither one of us wanted to but he is married with young children and I want more out of the relationship. He has broken up with me several times over the year saying it was too hard and he could not give me what I deserved. Every time we broke up we got right back together within a few weeks by falling into bed together. Man the sex was hot. Our chemistry is what kept pulling us back together. His wife had suspicions and I think she confronted him on occasion but he would just lie his way out of it, we would cool it for awhile and all would be well.

Incidentally he was not happy at home in the bedroom, he once told me that they had been together for about 16 years and for the last 10 they had barely had sex. He is a very well-hung, sexy passionate guy so I could not imagine not screwing him every day. As much as I did not want the relationship to end I knew that it wasn't fair for me any longer and sooner or later we were going to get caught.

After he left I wrote him a very long, very explicit email detailing how I felt about him, how much I had learned from him and celebrated our time together. I was very graphic about what he had done for me sexually and emotionally. I didn't want to keep getting on this break-up get back together train so this was closure for me. Within two hours he texted me that his wife had read the email and all hell had broken loose. I knew that his wife had checked his personal emails before so I did not use that one. I used his work email, a no-no I know but I thought it was safe. Regardless of how I feel about his wife, no women should ever have to read the things I wrote about her husband. I apologized profusely to him but I know that he will always suspect that I sent it on purpose. I am scared about what this might do to his family now that I have given his wife written proof about a very long and heated affair.

How can I fix this? It is likely that I will see him as we work in the same industry. How can I ever face him knowing what I have potentially done to him and his family? Will he hate me forever?

Cheating Piece Of Shit

My response after the jump...


You can't fix this, CPOS, because there's no way you'll ever be able to prove to your ex-lover—or to me—that you didn't do this on purpose, CPOS, consciously or subconsciously. So don't even try. Leave it alone now. You've done enough already.

As for whether or not he'll hate you forever, well, that's not a question I can answer. That largely depends on the conclusion he reaches about your motives. Perhaps I'm reading too much into it, but I detect a hint of malice—if not quite malice-of-forethought—in this phrase: "Regardless how I feel about his wife..."

If your ex-lover comes to believe that you sent an email celebrating your time together to him in the hopes that his wife would find it (and it certainly didn't take her long to find it), he may not want anything to do with you even if he finds himself suddenly single. If his family breaks up because you clicked send, your ex-lover will forever view you—and his relationship with you—through the prism of either your extreme carelessness/thoughtlessness, if he comes to believe you never intended his wife to find the email, or your maliciousness/vindictiveness, if he believes you intended his wife to read it. Whatever he comes to believe, CPOS, I'm thinking you might want to go into a new field if you can't face your angry ex-lover.

Sorry, CPOS, I don't mean to salt your wounds, which are just hours old, but you didn't just screw the pooch here. You fucked that dog to death. And while you're doing a pretty good job of feeling awful and beating yourself up, let's not lose sight of the real victims here, the people who are really going to suffer: your ex-lover's young kids.