by Lindy West
on Fri, Jul 16, 2010 at 10:48 AM
Let's talk etymology/entomology for a minute. Keep in mind that I am always right.
When I was growing up, "daddy long-legs" meant this dude:
"Fuck your skink. I'm hungry."
They lived in the garden and kept the skink population under control. They're arachnids, but they are not spiders, because they do not have fangs that inject venom. They also do not spin webs. They look like an Advil with legs—they don't have a separate middle part and butt part (science term) like spiders do. Daddy long-legs.
Because supposedly it devours hella mosquitoes per day. I neither know nor care if that's true.
And this was just called an "uuuuuuhhhhh-get-it-off-meeee!":
Silent as the grave.
At my parents' cabin, these dudes were forever dangling down from the ancient exposed fiberglass above the shower. You'd be all nude and shampooing, feeling like a million bucks, and then all of a sudden like three of these would be on your wet face. Jerks.
Anyway, only one of those is a daddy long-legs, and it's the first one. Everyone else needs to shut up. Good day.