Today, I went to a grocery store in order to make some shopping. But the sections of this store made so obvious the cultural gap between France and the US that I had to post about this. First, I saw de la confiture. I was very happy to see that you have fine products in your grocery stores.

This is typically what you eat where you’re on holidays in the countryside. You get up, awake au chant du coq and you walk or ride your bicyclette to the nearest village. There, you buy some fresh bread, ideally a baguette and not some sort of limp and floppy pre-frozen bread like this.

French, French—et mon cul, c'est du poulet? You also take some fresh butter made up by a farmer and not some weird butter-flavoured spray. Then, you go back home with your local newspaper folded under your arm.

There, you cut your bread into thick slices. You love these moments of calm when the rising sun caresses your skin while the birds are singing. Then, in a delicate gesture, you take a knife to spread butter on the bread and add some confiture with a spoon. And you eat it all, enjoying the orgasm growing inside of you.

A few moments later, your kids join you. Actually, they prefer Nutella because it’s sweeter. Once in a while, yeah, you let them spread Nutella on their bread. It’s a bit fat, but they’re French too, so they won’t abuse it. I mean, they’re not like those American people who make excesses all the time, are they?

Those American people… Their food is just disgu... Hey! No judgment allowed on foreign cultures. No opinion, Julien. Give the facts. Only the facts. That’s what your internship is about: learning from American journalists so as to report the facts and not your own opinion. If American people really want to eat a soup made of powdered cheese and potatoes, that’s their very right. Sure, it makes you nauseous, that’s a fact, but you’re fine as long as they don’t force you to eat it.

And yes, their oil spray and their liquid eggs can look like a heresy to all the supporters of good food and natural stuff, but deal with it. In fact, how can you resist the delightful sight of these macaronis trickling with cheese?

Well, you have thrown up. Big deal. Never mind. You should make a meal of your own. Let's move to the fresh products section. Don’t these fresh vegetables look tasty? And have a look at the moisturizing system. You don’t have this in France, don’t you? You just let them dry all day long. You see: American people can make good things too.

And I’m sure you’ll take some pancakes. Your French crêpes are not that much enjoyable, aren’t they? I can see you’re looking with envy at those pineapple packs. They seem convenient, right? You don’t have this in Paris, for sure. Really? You have to carry the whole pineapple if you want to eat some? Modern stuff can really help sometimes.

Let’s leave now. Do you want a copy of this magazine with Justin Bieber on the cover?

Oh no, please, don’t throw up again.