by Dan Savage
on Tue, Sep 28, 2010 at 2:02 PM
My best friend is getting married to a girl that all of his friends despise. She's the most "politically correct" and "polite" person you will meet until she starts talking about how she doesn't eat Vietnamese food because she doesn't like Vietnamese people. Or that she supports Meg Whitman because she agrees that all Mexicans should go back to their own country. Should I also tell you that my friend wasn't allowed to watch Glee in concert because his fiancée felt he liked Lea Michelle too much? Basically whatever she says goes, and my best friend sits there in silent obedience.
When I asked him why he is marrying her, his first response was "because he owed it to her." They have been together for five years and are tying the knot next May. I'm the best man at his wedding. But the question is, does my opinion matter? I want him to be happy, but I can't tell you if he is because she won't shut her mouth long enough for him to let me know. Should I keep my mouth shut or should I just keep working on my dinner speech?
Thanks for the help Dan, and my boyfriend and I both commend you on the new YouTube channel.
Get your friend alone—show up at his place of employment if he isn't allowed to leave the house without an escort—and tell him that he's making a huge mistake and that you do not approve of his rude, racist, and controlling fiance, and that you will not be the best man at his wedding. It'll be difficult to say, and it may be hard for him to hear, but telling someone a difficult truth is one of the primary responsibilities of friendship.
Also, MBFW, I suspect that you haven't gotten around to calling this woman on her shit when she starts in on the Vietnamese, Mexicans, and whoever else she's hating on at any given moment. She doesn't sound like the kind of person who would hang out with someone—or allow her whipped boyfriend to hang out with someone—who confronted her for being the racist POS that she is.
You need to speak the fuck up—you and the rest of the Hee-Haw gang. You say that all of his friends despise her. Great, then you can all swear a blood oath to confront her, in real time, and aggressively, when she says something stupid and hateful. The worst that could happen is that this woman—a woman you despise, remember?—would refuse to hang out with any of you anymore.
Not only would that be a relief to you all, MBFW, it might also help to bring your friend to his senses.