I’m writing to inform you of the ball-shrinking horror you induced in me when I read this in your most recent column: “...if he were uncomfortable being in the same room while you fingered O'Donnelled his girlfriend.”

Oy! Say it ain’t so! I just can’t handle my last name being Santorumed!

I guess it’s all fun and games until someone (read: ME) loses their dignity, but please, please don’t turn my honorable surname into a euphemism for masturbation. For the record, I love masturbation. Been a full time proponent since the age of twelve. But...but...but... I have a niece. She’s only six, Dan. Think of the schoolyard taunts, the bullying, the shame that awaits her if "O’Donnelling" takes hold in our lexicon.

I can’t stop you, I know. And I fully recognize that that this O’Donnell woman is a tragic example of our country’s brain freeze on the subject of healthy sexuality (not to mention Christian values like loving thy neighbor and being charitable), but I had to lodge a minor pip of complaint. It’s just too horrible.

Sincerely,

T. O’Donnell

P.S. The “It Gets Better” campaign is brilliant and made me all teary eyed and hopeful. Good on ya!

My response after the jump...

It was never my intent to actually, like, work at popularizing O'Donnelling—I wasn't planning to create a website or lead a santorum-style internet campaign.

Rest assured, TOD, that crack was just a toss off, an aside, a one-time joke at the expense of a woman who, come November 2, we're unlikely to hear from ever again. Christine O'Donnell is not now, and never will be, a sitting U.S. senator or even a semiserious presidential "hopeful," as Rick Santorum fancies himself to be—despite Santorum's a lousy sixth-place finish in the presidential straw poll at the recent Values Voters Summit.

So even if you hadn't written in, TOD, you were unlikely to any further references to O'Donnell in my column. But you have my permission to show your niece the original column (once she's old enough), and a copy of your letter to me (but not my response), and take full credit for preserving her good name and yours.