Dear Everyone,

Please stop putting celery in the all the salads and everything else you can think of. I know it's really cheap (cause it's mostly water and dietary fiber or whatever), but it doesn't taste like anything and it has the worst texture ever known to mankind. Then again, I've been weird about vegetables my whole life. Still, PLEASE LAY OFF THE CELERY.

UPDATE: Jen Graves used to receive bouquets of celery rather than flowers*! She just hit me with one for saying I don't like celery.

*She now prefers flowers.