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Thursday, March 17, 2011

Life / TV Beware: Toaster vs. Sharks

Posted by Cienna Madrid on Thu, Mar 17, 2011 at 3:26 PM

I recently learned from the Illustrated Book of Mormon that toasters kill more people than sharks every year.

Compliments of the incomparable Derek Erdman

Psalms 5, Screed 2. Compliments of Derek Erdman.

Toasts are on a rampage. Check yourself.

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Comments (19) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment

Spell "most": M-O-S-T.
Spell "boast": B-O-A-S-T
Spell "roast": R-O-A-S-T

What do you put into a toaster?

B-R-E-A-D!

Posted by derek_erdman

on March 17, 2011 at 3:31 PM

@1, HAR HAR HAR HAR!

Posted by Cienna Madrid on March 17, 2011 at 3:34 PM

Toaster death: Via electrocution, or getting whacked in the head by one?

Posted by Canuck on March 17, 2011 at 3:35 PM

@3, poison.

Posted by Cienna Madrid on March 17, 2011 at 3:38 PM

One of my all time favorite editorials from The New York Times.

The Statistical Shark - Sept. 6, 2001

http://bit.ly/hUoY16

Posted by I Got Nuthin' on March 17, 2011 at 3:43 PM

That is why one of the women on Sister Wives cooks all the toast in the oven because she is afraid of her toaster!!! Ha!

Posted by jwlsesq on March 17, 2011 at 3:45 PM

@4 Will file this for future reference/need, as toasters are plentiful, and their poison nearly untraceable.

Posted by Canuck on March 17, 2011 at 3:48 PM

Looks like we definitely need to ban toasters.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty

on March 17, 2011 at 3:56 PM

.....and forks, because those are what people use the most to fish things out of the toaster.

Electricity is a handmaiden, but she can also be a murderess. Never forget that.

Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay

on March 17, 2011 at 4:01 PM

@7: Cienna left out lasers, neckbreaking, and coordinated nuclear strikes on all twelve colonies.

Posted by Sweeney Agonistes on March 17, 2011 at 4:18 PM

Frackin' Cylons...

Posted by COMTE

on March 17, 2011 at 4:31 PM

@10 But then, don't forget about land sharks...or are you guys too young to remember them, and their lethal method of attack? ..... "Candy-gram."

Posted by Canuck on March 17, 2011 at 4:38 PM

Cylons always ring the doorbell.

They get a thrill out of contact with another machine ...

Also, beware of Red Beer Eyed Cylons on St. Patrick's Day. The non-evil ones have green eyes on St. Patty's.

Posted by Will in Seattle

on March 17, 2011 at 4:46 PM

@12:

Or the alternate, "Plumber."

Posted by COMTE

on March 17, 2011 at 4:59 PM

@12

Oh god, I could never forget that noise they make... when they're hunting for victims, kicking down those doors.

GASHUNK GASHUNK

Posted by Shini on March 17, 2011 at 5:06 PM

Per encounter, I'd say a shark is considerably more dangerous. But then, I've gone one of those overpriced stainless steel De' Longhi's, and that fucker can't even hurt bread.

Posted by Dougsf on March 17, 2011 at 5:51 PM

Sometimes that toaster he looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. And, you know, the thing about a toaster... he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be living...

Posted by seandr on March 17, 2011 at 6:53 PM

I eagerly await Toast Week on the Discovery Channel.

Posted by robotslave on March 17, 2011 at 6:56 PM