As far back as I can remember, I've been judged, teased, picked on, and embarrassed in public for my ambiguous gender. I didn't look or act like the other girls. Growing up, I could never just "be." I was always questioned: Are you a boy or a girl? What's with your voice? Why do you wear boy's clothes? Why don't you have a boyfriend? Why do you have a boy's haircut? I was taken out of my first-grade class and put in a special program to make my voice more feminine. When I'm singing on stage now and accidentally hit a high note, I blame that experience. I'll save the other details—like being forced to wear dresses—for the memoirs....
I didn't set out to wear boy's clothes, have no visible hips, prefer short hair, or be good at sports. It was just what came naturally. I didn't think about it. I didn't think anything was wrong with me until people started asking questions. I didn't see myself as a boy or a girl, and had no idea where that left me. Today in my act I always say this in the opening monologue to a confused audience member: "I can read your mind... You're thinking... man or a woman? The answer is No."
Murray Hill is one of the many writers, artists, and activists who contributed an original essay to It Gets Better: Coming Out, Overcoming Bullying, and Creating a Life Worth Living, which will be released on March 22. You can pre-order a copy at Amazon, through ItGetsBetter.org, or at your favorite local bookstore. It Gets Better event in Seattle at Town Hall on Tuesday March 29. Tickets and info here.
