I'm a 25 year-old-straight woman in a relationship with someone I really love. We'd share quick hellos in school but it never really went anywhere. After I took a leave of absence for a semester we ran into each other on the street and spent hours talking about life. We went on a date the next night and he told me he wanted to marry me. Two months later I moved in and six months later he started going to the gym every day. The more he went, the less we had sex. Now we don't have it anymore. I confronted him and he told me that he still loves me, but isn't attracted to me as much now. He also said he's content with not really having sex and isn't "bursting at the seams." He assured me he isn't cheating and he hopes this is just a phase, but in the meantime wants to know what I think we should do. He also said he doesn't want me to cheat, but would understand if I did. I love him and want to marry him, but I am a very sexual person and I just can't live like this. Aside from the sex the relationship is amazing. But he doesn't want to marry someone he isn't attracted to and I don't want to marry someone who won't have sex with me. What the hell do I do?
To Upset To Make A Cool Acronym
My response—and TUTMACA's response to my response, and mine to hers to mine—after the jump.
Leave.
Forever? Or just for the time being? Oh, man. I never thought when I finally had something to email you about, your response would be to leave. Sigh.—TUTMACA
Why would you want to stay? What he's doing to you—whirlwind romance, premature promises about marriage, followed by this kind of rejection—is emotionally abusive. He may be heaping on the good stuff, e.g. whatever works about this relationship, but he's only doing that to keep you in this relationship. And why would he want to keep you in this relationship? Well, if he's an abuser, he wants to keep you around so that he can continue to shred your sexual self confidence.
Something is up. He's a fag or he's fucking someone else or he's an abuser or he's just an asshole. It's gotta be something. And while we may not know exactly what that something is, TUTMACA, we do know, whatever it is, that it's a break-up level offense. You're 25. Cut your losses.
DTMFA.—Dan
