Couldn't they at least have the decency to re-title it The Original Snoopy Exercise in Futility Machine? Or The Original Snoopy Elbow Grease and Frustration Factory? Or The Original Snoopy Frosty Child Labor Palace? Or The Original Snoopy Ha-Ha-Hope-You-Didn't-Actually-Want-A-Snow-Cone Plastic House-Shaped Box of Disappointment? Or The Original Snoopy Summertime Fuck You Jamboree?

I mean, really. Show me an Original Snoopy Sno-cone Machine that has actually produced a snow cone, even once, and I'll show you a beagle that can fly a goddamn plane.