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Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Um. How Best to Respond to a Thing Like This?

Posted by on Wed, May 4, 2011 at 4:44 PM

Help me out, Sloggers.

HutchMail.jpg

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Comments (129) RSS

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Matt from Denver 1
Send him a thank you card.

What, is this rocket science?
Posted by Matt from Denver on May 4, 2011 at 4:46 PM
lukeiscool 2
The quote, for those without bibles:

A Living Sacrifice
1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

I wonder what his feelings are on the constant re-translation and alteration of the bible over the past several thousand years. I wonder how God's will has been preserved through all of this...
Posted by lukeiscool on May 4, 2011 at 4:46 PM
3
Now you've done it, Eli. Looks like you're his new pet project.
Posted by Mr. Happy Sunshine on May 4, 2011 at 4:46 PM
scary tyler moore 4
tactfully, yet firmly. good manners are never out of fashion.
Posted by scary tyler moore http://pushymcshove.blogspot.com/ on May 4, 2011 at 4:47 PM
monkey 5
Send him a copy of YOUR favorite book.
Posted by monkey on May 4, 2011 at 4:47 PM
Will in Seattle 6
What @1 said.
Posted by Will in Seattle http://www.facebook.com/WillSeattle on May 4, 2011 at 4:48 PM
7
Send him a thank you note with some porn, so he can know what other's are enjoying.
Posted by econoline on May 4, 2011 at 4:48 PM
Baconcat 8
Read it a few times (3 times, plus re-reading Revelations numerous times), it's not that great of a book. I suggest you regift it to him in a more usable form like a flask holder or something.
Posted by Baconcat on May 4, 2011 at 4:49 PM
aardvark 9
send him his football card and ask for an autograph of that instead? send him the koran? the book of scientology? the book of mormon? videotapes of bill maher and joseph campbell talking about mythology? a science book for kids? kant's critique of pure reason? a week's worth of your office trash?
Posted by aardvark on May 4, 2011 at 4:50 PM
rob! 10
His flock shelled out a total of, what, $5.80 for that?

That "make yourself a living sacrifice" quote, um, makes me wonder...
Posted by rob! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZBdUceCL5U on May 4, 2011 at 4:51 PM
michaelp 11
Send him a gay porn DVD, with the same note:

Now you can know what WE are talking about.

Done and done.
Posted by michaelp on May 4, 2011 at 4:52 PM
Claypatch 12
No, sorry Dr Hutch, but we still dont know what you are talking about. Because you've taken a 4000 year old text, written for a tribal people and re-interpreted it, badly. Because your re-interpretation is confusing. Because your reinterpretation is wrong.

But, #1 is right. A thank you card is appropriate.
Posted by Claypatch on May 4, 2011 at 4:53 PM
13
Send a thank you note and read that book. I don't know your background, but an education into Christianity is never a bad thing. At the least, you'll better be able to slam so-called Christians that want to use their book out of context and as an excuse to hate. Anyway, it's a good book full of crazy shit, no harm will come from reading it. It's too bad so few people acknowledge that it's a book, and not a direct translation from god.

I always read the bible when I'm going to crazy Christians homes. It really helps me debunk their arguments. I especially recommend taking notes and memorizing passages...that'll stump most Christians, as I suspect that at least a small majority of Christians don't actually read the bible. LOL.
Posted by scratchmaster joe on May 4, 2011 at 4:54 PM
14
I like @5's suggestion. Something about whatever issue you think he most needs to read about, and inscribe it with the same condescending message.
Posted by pox on May 4, 2011 at 4:55 PM
christopher575 15
I hear the pages are good as rolling papers.
Posted by christopher575 on May 4, 2011 at 4:56 PM
AmyC 16
i used to do shit like that when i was a christian. my advice would be to send a blandly worded thank-you card if you're in a kindly mood. otherwise just stick it on a shelf and move on with your day.
Posted by AmyC on May 4, 2011 at 4:56 PM
Zebes 17
thank you note.

And I don't know, it's just a book. Put it on a shelf?
Posted by Zebes http://www.badrap.org/rescue/index.html on May 4, 2011 at 4:56 PM
18
I'd start by removing his home address from this post.
Posted by ChrisF on May 4, 2011 at 4:57 PM
dnt trust me 19
"Help! Help!"
Eli, you fucking baby.

Just send him some "It Gets Better" toilet paper.
Posted by dnt trust me on May 4, 2011 at 4:57 PM
20
thank you note + a copy of a "lifechanging" book from your life.

...or a science book for kids :P
Posted by novabird on May 4, 2011 at 4:57 PM
gloomy gus 21
I'd say "just use it to continue the mutual publicity campaign you and he have going on", but I don't need to, so I'll just keep quiet. Starting now. No, now.
Posted by gloomy gus on May 4, 2011 at 4:58 PM
Eli Sanders 22
@18: Unless he lives at Antioch Bible Church, it's not his home address.
Posted by Eli Sanders http://elisanders.net/ on May 4, 2011 at 4:58 PM
Canuck 23
@1 and @11 Have covered your bases perfectly...the alpha and omega of etiquette.
Posted by Canuck on May 4, 2011 at 5:00 PM
camlux 24
It won't bite. Read it if you are curious. Or if you want to find out more about two major religions. Send a thank you note. He's graciously sending you a gift; why not graciously receive it?
Posted by camlux on May 4, 2011 at 5:01 PM
25
Send him a copy of the Constitution with a thank-you note and the same inscription he put on the bible.
Posted by unpaid reader on May 4, 2011 at 5:03 PM
26
How about a copy of Darwin's "On The Origin Of Species"?
Posted by That Wacky Guy on May 4, 2011 at 5:03 PM
27
Return the favor with a copy of the Constitution. Those pocket-sized ones are handy for things like this, and are available from ACLUs and your congresspersons. No reason to swap books with opposing opinions that no one will read.. Ken is the only one against freedom of religion, etc.
Posted by meggo on May 4, 2011 at 5:05 PM
Goldy 28
@24,

Um... I think it is safe to assume that Eli has already read the Bible. (Or at least half of it.)
Posted by Goldy on May 4, 2011 at 5:08 PM
29
It will be worth $$$ when Hutch becomes president.
Posted by It Could Happen on May 4, 2011 at 5:08 PM
30
It is legal, under certain circumstances, to mail live bees. (USPS Mail Manual: http://pe.usps.com/text/pub52/pub52c5_00… )

Just food for thought.

(I'm kidding. #1 is right. Just like when your grandmother got you an awful sweater for Christmas. I just like sharing that mail manual link.)
Posted by jaxal on May 4, 2011 at 5:10 PM
Matt from Denver 31
@ 28, maybe the first five books?
Posted by Matt from Denver on May 4, 2011 at 5:10 PM
The Max 32
I'm with @1: a simple polite thank you. Anything else would be rude.

Later, you could respond further with a carefully composed letter demonstrating thorough knowledge of scripture ripping his bullshit theology to shreds. Look to the stories of The Good Samaritan (Luke 10: 30-36) and The Centurion and his Fuckslave (Luke 7: 1-11; Matthew 8: 5-10).

If he honestly thinks only the ignorant reject his batshittery, he could benefit from being shown how weak it is scripturally.
Posted by The Max on May 4, 2011 at 5:11 PM
33
I would recommend a polite thank you, and a suggestion that there are many names of God, and many ways to find truth, and a reminder that you have chosen a way to find truth that does not involve promoting slavery, or oppressing gay people, or explicit racism, or torture porn. Of course, that's assuming you don't believe in those things, but I'm just assuming...
Posted by jambalaya on May 4, 2011 at 5:11 PM
Lola, Missing Iowa City 34
I don't know what you should do with it, but suddenly my pursuit of a doctorate just doesn't mean as much as it did before I saw his signature.
Posted by Lola, Missing Iowa City on May 4, 2011 at 5:11 PM
35
I could send you instructions to make it into a stash box.
Posted by OntheHill on May 4, 2011 at 5:12 PM
monkey 36
I meant that in all sincerity, by the way. Send him a copy of your favorite book.
Posted by monkey on May 4, 2011 at 5:12 PM
DeepFriedBananaBits 37
Sending them a thank you card would be nice. I'd also suggest sending a copy of the origin of species.
Posted by DeepFriedBananaBits on May 4, 2011 at 5:14 PM
Packeteer 38
@24 The bible of part of Muslim writings as well, it is just a subordinate book to the Koran and the Hadith. So by my count that is Judaism, Christianity, and Islam that all consider at least part of the Bible part of their official cache of holy books.

Also, thank him genuinely for a gift, this is not hard as #1 said. Feel free to send him a gift of "god is not great" if that sums up your view on religion.
Posted by Packeteer on May 4, 2011 at 5:14 PM
sven forkbeard 39
I'm with @1, though some quality erotic lit would make a nice companion.

It looks like a fairly nice bible, all things considered. Is that cover real leather?

@2 from what Christians have told me, the translations are holy words brought by angels. Perhaps that only applies to the original King James version.
Posted by sven forkbeard on May 4, 2011 at 5:15 PM
scojomojo 40
A thank you note with a copy of one of Dan's books with the same inscription.
Posted by scojomojo on May 4, 2011 at 5:16 PM
41
You can send him a dog turd in a lovely heart shaped box! He's probably too ignorant to read, so it really would be the perfect gift.
Posted by mr pinky on May 4, 2011 at 5:23 PM
Catalina Vel-DuRay 42
How about a copy of The Jefferson Bible?

http://www.amazon.com/Jefferson-Bible-Th…
Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay http://www.danlangdon.com on May 4, 2011 at 5:23 PM
43
If you believe this to a be genuine gift, simply send a thank you note, as @1 and others have suggested. There's no need to be a prick, unless....

If you believe this to a be an antagonistic swipe at you and your values, go with the spirit of @11's suggestion.
Posted by California on May 4, 2011 at 5:25 PM
OuterCow 44
Leave it in a flaming pile of shit at his doorstep. Ring doorbell. When he comes out to stomp on his precious bible, point and laugh. It's classic for a reason.
Posted by OuterCow on May 4, 2011 at 5:25 PM
balderdash 45
I'd suggest you ask him for the receipt since it just doesn't fit and you'd like to return it for something that you can actually use.

And remind him that he's not a fucking doctor.
Posted by balderdash http://introverse.blogspot.com on May 4, 2011 at 5:26 PM
CodyBolt 46
a nice thank you note with a copy of the flying spaghetti monster's bible
Posted by CodyBolt on May 4, 2011 at 5:31 PM
Farbe 47
A polite thank you card seems to be the consensus here or at least in the majority.

Looks like you've got a new BFF there Mr. Sanders.
Posted by Farbe on May 4, 2011 at 5:31 PM
TotesFierce 48
eat it.
Posted by TotesFierce http://fag4life.com on May 4, 2011 at 5:33 PM
Bub 49
You can return the New Testament pages with a note saying, "This part is superfluous."
Posted by Bub on May 4, 2011 at 5:37 PM
50
Fuck what they're talking about. You need to find out what Willis was talkin' bout.
Posted by Arnold on May 4, 2011 at 5:39 PM
51
@1 Word.
Posted by cracked on May 4, 2011 at 5:40 PM
52
Turn it into a Christmas tree for your decorations next year! http://www.robeth.com/Craft/phonebookchr…
Posted by idaho on May 4, 2011 at 5:41 PM
piminnowcheez 53
I don't see why you should do anything at all. If someone who knew my politics gave me a copy of Atlas Shrugged to read, should I thank them for it? I mean, I wouldn't be a dick about it, but a zillion page book full of stuff I consider nonsense is not the kind of gift I want to encourage in the future. Do you really think it's possible that Hutch believes you might sit down and read the Bible and become convinced?

Unless he's is a very, very naïve man, this is at some level a bullshit gift - not given out of a real desire to please you or better your life, but to make a statement about how you should be living it under the guise of generosity. I don't see a reason to thank someone for that.

I'd chuck it in the trash and move on to my next thing, if it were me.
Posted by piminnowcheez on May 4, 2011 at 5:43 PM
Simone 54
Send him a pink book. I've seen pink bibles if you are interested.
Posted by Simone on May 4, 2011 at 5:47 PM
55
Thank you card and thats it, keep it classy
Posted by Democrat1234 on May 4, 2011 at 5:49 PM
The Gay Curmudgeon 56
I'd go with the thank you note and a thoughtfully inscribed copy of "Anal Pleasure & Health: A Guide for Men and Women".
Posted by The Gay Curmudgeon http://www.thegaycurmudgeon.com on May 4, 2011 at 5:50 PM
57
also makes you the bigger man with just a thank you note
Posted by Democrat1234 on May 4, 2011 at 5:51 PM
antiuser 58
Oh cool, a story book! I particularly like the one story about all the world's animals fitting inside a boat.
Posted by antiuser http://antiuser.org on May 4, 2011 at 5:56 PM
Fish Wrench Asteroid 59
@1 and all the people that agree: You don't think, 'Now you can know what we are talking about!!!' is already rude.

He's implying that Eli is ignorant, and that ignorance is the basis for his disagreement with Hutch's Dogma. I don't think that warrants a thank-you note. I think it warrants a stern, but polite explanation as to why you shouldn't just assume everyone that disagrees with you is ignorant.
Posted by Fish Wrench Asteroid on May 4, 2011 at 5:57 PM
Knat 60
A thank you card on top of a copy of "The God Delusion", with a similar note written into the thank you card (because he probably won't even open the book).
Posted by Knat on May 4, 2011 at 6:01 PM
svensken 61
I suggest you send him a thank you note and a lovely quote from Richard Dawkins(King of the Atheists).
Posted by svensken on May 4, 2011 at 6:05 PM
raku 62
Highlight the passages condemning homosexuality, along with the other ridiculous laws in the bible - outlawing shaving, outlawing the handicapped from going to church, outlawing eating shrimp or fat, allowing incest, encouraging polygamy, allowing slavery, etc. Take Polaroid photos and send them back with a note, "WTF are you talking about?"
Posted by raku on May 4, 2011 at 6:08 PM
Last of the Time Lords 63
Send him a thank you note with a copy of the Satanic Bible by Anton LeVay...oh and remember the books of spells.
Posted by Last of the Time Lords on May 4, 2011 at 6:13 PM
64
Er this is pretty petty even by Stranger standards.

I hope that is a business address on his return label... that is really rude to post that specific of personal information even if "he started it".
Posted by Swearengen on May 4, 2011 at 6:14 PM
shw3nn 65
Well, these are classy responses. If you want to go classy, you have enough ideas.

Rather take the low road? Let's talk.

Ask around/google all the really horrible passages from the bible. Highlight them. You can color code it so....like.....yellow is for when God kills children to punish their parents, pink is for when women are treated like chattel....the discretion is yours, really.

On the inscription, scratch out the word "we" and correct it to read "you".

Then return it.
Posted by shw3nn on May 4, 2011 at 6:16 PM
gloomy gus 66
Canuck, you're right about @1 and @11 making a perfect combination. Good eye, you.
Posted by gloomy gus on May 4, 2011 at 6:18 PM
dangerousgift 67
The obvious response is a handsomely bound collection of Ton of Finland sketches.
Posted by dangerousgift on May 4, 2011 at 6:23 PM
michaelp 68
NEW IDEA!

Strangercrombie 2011!!! This could totally be an item!
Posted by michaelp on May 4, 2011 at 6:27 PM
69
I agree with the thank you card. If you are interested in engaging in conversation, send a copy of your favorite religious/philosophical book along with a brief explanation of why it's a favorite. If I'd gotten something like that, I'd reply with this book:

http://www.amazon.com/Chosen-Faith-Intro…

Posted by uubuntu on May 4, 2011 at 6:37 PM
Matt from Denver 70
@ 53, anyone who's a dick about a present like you doesn't deserve gifts.

No one says you have to read the damn thing. Just say "thanks" and be done with it.

@ 59, of course, but so what? Anyone who responds to dickishness with dickishness is a dick.

Nothing deflates dickishness like courtesy.
Posted by Matt from Denver on May 4, 2011 at 6:47 PM
Andy 71
Hollow it out and hide a gun in there. Isn't that what people do?
Posted by Andy on May 4, 2011 at 7:00 PM
SPG 72
You should send him the Lord of the Rings box set.

Taken literally it's some unbelievable crazy shit. Taken as a story it has some good lessons on responsibility, doing the right thing, etc.
Posted by SPG on May 4, 2011 at 7:04 PM
Mark in Colorado 73
@70 "Anyone who responds to dickishness with dickishness is a dick."

You'd know, wouldn't you? Mattie boy.

Posted by Mark in Colorado on May 4, 2011 at 7:06 PM
Donolectic 74
Totally Strangercrombie.
Posted by Donolectic on May 4, 2011 at 7:12 PM
75
Go to the Antioch parking lot on a Sunday morning, hold a "trial" with someone "defending" all the heinous parts of the book (start early, or you'll be there till after dark), condemn the book to death, and burn it. If you time it right, the match will be struck as the churchgoers exit.
Posted by Fight hellfire with hellfire on May 4, 2011 at 7:17 PM
76
Return it.
Posted by Michael Wells on May 4, 2011 at 7:17 PM
reverend dr dj riz 77
yeah i think he's a dick, especially with the 'now you can know.. 'part. but if you want to actually express gratitude for his gift, send him a jar of honey. he probably won't eat it just like you won't read his book.
Posted by reverend dr dj riz on May 4, 2011 at 7:20 PM
78
Order him all the volumes of the Talmud, payment on delivery.
Posted by sarah68 on May 4, 2011 at 7:26 PM
PRS-1 79
My ex-mom gave me a leather-bound bible once, and it comes in handy for reference as to what a crazy collection of books it actually is. I recommend a book called "Kens Guide to the Bible" to help you sort out the madness.
Posted by PRS-1 on May 4, 2011 at 7:29 PM
Matt from Denver 80
@ 73, I'm glad you weren't at the meet up. It's a courtesy you can pay me over and over...
Posted by Matt from Denver on May 4, 2011 at 7:35 PM
Aurophobia 81
Email him with a bunch of the weird/creepy/evil parts. The scriptures that talk about the rules of owning slaves, about Lot offering his daughters to be raped by an angry mob, the killing of whole towns (including children) in order to get wives, etc.
Posted by Aurophobia on May 4, 2011 at 7:45 PM
Fish Wrench Asteroid 82
@70 I just don't get why it's dickish to defend yourself when your intelligence is insulted. Especially considering this guy tries to wield power against the rights of his fellow Americans.

It's bigoted to assume that a Jew is a Jew because he's ignorant of the Christian Bible.
Posted by Fish Wrench Asteroid on May 4, 2011 at 8:09 PM
83
Ugh. Goyim.
Posted by Zombie-Fighter on May 4, 2011 at 8:13 PM
84
If for some reason you don't want to Strangercrombie it, here's what you can do. Tear out the dedication page and leave it in a church so the trees won't have died in vain. They'll know what to do with it. Blog about doing that, or don't, then move on without further comment. Don't read it or else Pastor Hutch wins. As someone who read the Bible all the way through as a misguided child, I'm here to say it's a batshit insane grab bag of stories and folksy wisdom. Life is too short.
Posted by Prettybetsy on May 4, 2011 at 8:13 PM
85
@70 "Nothing deflates dickishness like courtesy."

Yeah, that's worked SO well for democrats/left-leaning historically against republicans/right-wing...

I'd say get a collection of fairy tales and send it inscribed "Now you can know what you are talking about!"

Not that I'd ACTUALLY do that, but that's what I'd want to do. And I would support someone actually doing it, under these circumstances. This kind of arrogance is NOT dissolved with courtesy @70.
Posted by S-Lo on May 4, 2011 at 8:17 PM
Matt from Denver 86
@ 82, are you sure Hutch meant to insult Eli? People who are serious about this stuff really do think the rest of us are just wandering in the wilderness, waiting for someone to lead us out. He might be sincere.

But let's suppose for a second that he isn't, and that he is intentionally being insulting. (Accidentally or thoughtlessly being insulting isn't the same thing.) What would it bring Eli to react in kind? A bit of rah rah support from regular Stranger and Slog readers, and a lot of negative publicity should it blow up in his face, the way spats between public figures do.

Following etiquette is never a bad choice, and in this case, unless someone can show for sure that Hutch is purposely being a jerk who really has zero regard for Eli, it's the best choice here.
Posted by Matt from Denver on May 4, 2011 at 8:22 PM
chaseacross 87
I think it was sincere. As Matt pointed out, many Christians, particularly evangelicals, regard their faith as a miraculous and ecstatic truth to be shared. They sincerely believe that the most of men are wandering "within a forest dark." I say repay in kind: share a book with the Hutch that means something to you. I'd be inclined to send The Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, or The Hero with a Thousand Faces, or perhaps The Road to Wigan Pier if you want to take the political tack.
Posted by chaseacross on May 4, 2011 at 8:35 PM
88
Dildo!Dildo!Dildo!Dildo!Dildo!Dildo!Dildo!Dildo!Dildo!Dildo!Dildo!Dildo!Dildo!Dildo!Dildo!Dildo!Dildo!Dildo!Dildo!Dildo!
Posted by Dildo!Dildo! on May 4, 2011 at 9:05 PM
89
He picked out a baby blue one? That's pretty gay.
Posted by Ga Ga for Gays on May 4, 2011 at 9:06 PM
90
Just print out this comment stream, and send it along, with a nice thank you note, of course.
Posted by Brooklyn Reader on May 4, 2011 at 9:34 PM
Reverse Polarity 91
Bullshit.

This isn't a sincere thoughtful gift from Hutch (however ill thought out). Hutch has been one of the most active and vocal opponents of any sort of gay rights for many years. He preaches exactly the kind of hatred that causes gay kids to kill themselves, and advocates to deny rights to those of us unwilling to kill ourselves. He knows Eli's background. He knows full well that there is exactly zero chance of converting Eli. At best this can be considered a stunt to impress his followers.

This absolutely does NOT deserve a polite thank you card. No way. He'd just wave it in front of his flock and claim victory.

Probably the least dickish thing to do would be to put it up on Strangercrombie. Then at least it gets regifted to someone who wants it (for whatever perverse reason), and it would raise a few bucks for a decent cause.

I will be sorely disappointed if you send this asswipe a polite card. He does not deserve that kind of respect.
Posted by Reverse Polarity on May 4, 2011 at 9:36 PM
Joe Szilagyi 92
Meh, I'd just read it if you're interested, then chuck it in your desk at work. It's a free reference book if nothing else.
Posted by Joe Szilagyi http://twitter.com/joeszi on May 4, 2011 at 10:19 PM
freesandbags 93
Just say thanks.
Posted by freesandbags on May 4, 2011 at 11:05 PM
DeaconBlues 94
As has been no doubt said already: Eli, you should do the same thing you should any time you receive a misguided but well-intentioned gift. Send a thank-you note. Maybe even a misguided but well-intentioned gift of your own, perhaps some piece of secular literature that has a lot of meaning for you.
Posted by DeaconBlues http://radzillas.blogspot.com/ on May 4, 2011 at 11:33 PM
95
It's not a gift. It's a political message like a decapitated horse head under the sheets. If you value your sanity, you will discard it and find someone reasonable to have a dialogue with. If you want to go down the rabbit hole, read it and try to debate reality with the delusional. Trying to find common ground with the ultra religious is a fool's errand.
Posted by JasonLantz on May 5, 2011 at 12:25 AM
96
There's nothing wrong with having a Bible or two on your shelf. I actually have several (KJV, LXX, Tanakh, Greek New Testament, etc.) It's right next to my copies of the Iliad and Odyssey (which occupied a similar position in antiquity to what the Bible does now). What do they all have in common? They're all texts important for understanding Western civilization.

My co-Denverite, Matt has the right idea. When someone gives you a gift, even a gift you don't particularly care for, the appropriate response is "Thank you very much."

@91 How could anyone, even with the sickest, most twisted mind imaginable, interpret a thank-you note as a victory? I'd welcome it if he tried to pull such a thing: there might even be someone in the congregation who thinks to him- or herself "You know, Hutch tried to be kind of a dick about this, but that Eli fellow seems rather nice."
Posted by Corydon on May 5, 2011 at 12:52 AM
Vince 97
Send a thank you note with a photo of you warming your hands over a trash can fire. The note should say "Thanks for your warm gift".
Posted by Vince on May 5, 2011 at 1:16 AM
98
What else did you expect from engaging with an evangelical fundamentalist? Send a well-written thank you note that also makes it clear you're not his conversion project. He is trying to be nice and failing rather badly - the man lives in a bubble.
Posted by planned barrenhood on May 5, 2011 at 2:02 AM
mayor 99
Offer to fuck Patricia while Faith (Faith A. Hutcherson, 22 DEC 1988) and Avery (Avery M. Hutcherson, 04 MAY 1990) watch. Happy birthday, Avery!
Posted by mayor on May 5, 2011 at 2:43 AM
Centopar 100
I'd send a thank-you note, and then do some surgery on it with some Elmer's glue and a craft knife so you can turn it into a seeekrit box to keep a butt plug in. Think of the frisson every time you use it!
Posted by Centopar on May 5, 2011 at 5:28 AM
101
I believe it is sincere. After 9/11, we started getting all sorts of anonymous weird letters from people who wanted to find our way to heaven. They assumed we were Muslims because we of our name (we are Syrian) and genuinely thought that they were doing us a favour. It was a little depressing.
Posted by SCalmlyW on May 5, 2011 at 5:56 AM
102
Send him a copy of the "It Gets Better Project"
Posted by WanderingSoul on May 5, 2011 at 6:03 AM
Frau Blucher 103
Have to agree with @91's assessment. Everything stated in that post is true, about the Hutch. Don't fool yourselves for one, solitary moment that you're going to "change" what this man believes about gays & lesbians.

His pride would never allow for him to think he might be wrong. E-V-E-R!

Basically, if I were in Eli's shoes and I felt compelled to "do" something, I'd do as @102 suggests - send him a copy of the "It Get's Better Project." Otherwise, I'd simply do nothing - no thank you, no warm & fuzzies, but NOTHING.
Posted by Frau Blucher on May 5, 2011 at 6:32 AM
ratatosk 104
Send him a copy of Richard Dawkins' book, The God Delusion with a cheery note.
Posted by ratatosk on May 5, 2011 at 9:03 AM
Cory 105
He really likes putting 'Dr.' in front of his name.
Posted by Cory on May 5, 2011 at 9:05 AM
Lissa 106
Chiming in to add my endorsement of the idea of sending a thank you card and a copy of It Gets Better. I also love the Strangercrombie idea!
Posted by Lissa on May 5, 2011 at 9:07 AM
the Dude abides 107
Thank him kindly and send him a copy of "Why I am not a Christian" by Bertrand Russell.
Posted by the Dude abides on May 5, 2011 at 9:19 AM
108
The correct thing to do is to thank him for the gift, but return it. Tell him it is your policy not to accept gifts from readers.
Posted by jeffy on May 5, 2011 at 9:45 AM
109
Send back a condescending thank note with other citations of the bible nobody believe anymore: women should never gave their opinions, divorce sends you to hell, slavery is normal, rape is ok as long as you mary the girl.
The origin of species can be good too.
Posted by Kyrie on May 5, 2011 at 9:46 AM
--MC 110
I'll take it. I need one. Keep running into clues in the NYT crossword that I have to look up in there. "Hairy man in Genesis", four letters. It ain't Phil (Collins).
Posted by --MC on May 5, 2011 at 9:52 AM
kim in portland 111
I'd send a polite note. You could send some book that is meaningful to you, but that may continue the exchange or further attempts to evangelize. If you want the attempt to evangelize to end, then you must say so very clearly and succinctly. You may need to say it multiple times.

My gut says that you are now a project of his, a soul to be saved. Yes it is arrogant on his part. It has been my experience that evangelicals hold the idea that others have either never heard and that is why they don't believe, or that people are being willfully ignorant and are ignoring the "truth" they have deep inside as an act if defiance. I don't his interest in you stopping, by giving him a platform on Good Friday he has the impression that you want him to evangelize you and maybe even the idea that between the two of you the entire Stranger staff and readership can be saved. He's trying to mentor you, Eli. Do you wish to be mentored and evangelized is a question for you.

This is just my $0.02 on the entirety of your exchange posted on Slog. Feel free to toss it in the dustbin.

Good luck.
Posted by kim in portland http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/11/fast-paced_video_provides_a_fu.html on May 5, 2011 at 9:52 AM
kim in portland 112
Returning it with a polite note that you don't accept presents from readers may be the fastest option, Eli.
Posted by kim in portland http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/11/fast-paced_video_provides_a_fu.html on May 5, 2011 at 9:57 AM
113
You could also share a bible verse with him, such as:
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?sea…
Posted by jeffy on May 5, 2011 at 10:12 AM
Rob in Baltimore 114
Send him a copy of Grimms Fairy Tales, and say that it is much more believable and coherent than the story book he sent to you.
Posted by Rob in Baltimore http://www.wishbookweb.com/ on May 5, 2011 at 10:26 AM
115
Send him a copy of the Constitution.
Posted by Hannah in Portland on May 5, 2011 at 10:29 AM
funnylittlemunki 116
I think a thank you note would be appropriate, I mean, think of all the rolling papers you're gonna get out of that thing!
Posted by funnylittlemunki on May 5, 2011 at 11:12 AM
Puty 117
Back awaaay from the crazy person
Posted by Puty on May 5, 2011 at 11:30 AM
skweetis 118
Auction it off and donate the money to IGBP.
Posted by skweetis on May 5, 2011 at 12:21 PM
piminnowcheez 119
@70 Ehhh, so not taking the time/effort to send a thank-you note for an unsolicited gift I didn't want from someone I do not have a personal relationship with... that's what makes me a dick?

You've got a pretty low threshold for dickishness, there, I'd say.
Posted by piminnowcheez on May 5, 2011 at 12:56 PM
Matt from Denver 120
@ 119, they have a PUBLIC relationship which, I would say, is a personal relationship in a way. It's not like Hutch is some Jehovah's Witness here.
Posted by Matt from Denver on May 5, 2011 at 1:49 PM
121
Return. It.
Posted by Michael Wells on May 6, 2011 at 7:26 PM
birdy num num 122
aren't you guys right near a bunch of thrift stores? or, indeed strangercrombie.
Posted by birdy num num on May 7, 2011 at 7:39 AM
123
You could always reply with a video of said volume on fire.
Posted by Central Scrutinizer on May 7, 2011 at 8:57 AM
124
All this fear and fury over the innocuous gift of a Bible is very telling about you folks. I don't share the Muslim faith, or the Hindi or that most evangelical fundamentalist and intolerant one, atheism. But I don't fear them with the soul consuming angst demonstrated here against Christianity.

You might recall that Sanders is nominally Jewish. That kinda means most of what you've been writing is potentially as offensive to him as it's intended to be to Ken Hutcherson.

I knew logic was beyond most liberals. I knew you were wrong about economics and politics and culture, if sincerely wrong. I didn't think common courtesty entirely dead within you. Oh well, live and learn.
Posted by Seattleblues on May 7, 2011 at 9:34 AM
125
BTW,

When a single one of you roundly condemns the sickening attack on the pastors family at 99, I'll believe the whole tolerant liberal line. Disliking the man is one thing, but decent people leave families out of politics.

Come to think of it, I don't recall a single posting telling scum like the person at 99 to back off. Don't recall a single instance of people telling him, her or it that they are hardly representing the liberal cause well with that kind of disgusting vulgarity. Not once. Ever. Go libs!
Posted by Seattleblues on May 7, 2011 at 9:40 AM
Matt from Denver 126
@ 125, if that person is a measure of all liberals, then all the people who called Chelsea Clinton "ugly" when she was 14 is a fair way to measure you.

Vulgarity - cons like you do it too.
Posted by Matt from Denver on May 7, 2011 at 2:57 PM
127
@126

Conservatives do it too, but not with the frequency, elan and zeal of liberals. We have a lot of catching up to do, I guess.
Posted by Seattleblues on May 7, 2011 at 3:21 PM
Matt from Denver 128
You're right. Cons do it about double the frequency, elan, and zeal.

Respecting those who are different is a hallmark of liberalism, although a few will give voice to their frustrations with the refusal of the cons to see things as they really are. Contempt for those who are different is a hallmark of conservatism, unless they're willing to work completely for conservative ends. There are exceptions, of course, but that's the kind of person who finds conservative ideals appealing.
Posted by Matt from Denver on May 7, 2011 at 5:41 PM
DeaconBlues 129
@127: hahaha are you serious? You are, aren't you? hahahahahaha that's delicious.
Posted by DeaconBlues http://radzillas.blogspot.com/ on May 8, 2011 at 1:44 AM

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