An assembly of the hottest neighborhood on neighborhood on neighborhood action.

Southern Baptists Take Over the Grand Illusion Cinema: A group of Southern Baptists who call themselves "Paradox" and evidently adhere to the Mark Driscoll's brand of conservative trickery Christianity—young and hip OMG TATTOOS!—will start meeting on Sunday mornings at the Grand Illusion Cinema, which is named for some early work by Jean Renoir. Because nothing goes together like French cinema and Jesus*!

Strippers 1, Robbers 0: Maple Leaf Life reports that home robberies were down in their pretend hamlet in mid-May. But tension is still swirling in the neighborhood, as a new strip club—the hyper-literately named Pandora's Adult Cabaret—is about to unleash all manner of sin upon Lake City Way.

But Does He Like Panda Bear?!?!!! Magnolia View reports that Ralph, who is maybe a retriever/border collie mix, definitely needs a home. Reportedly, he's "a great guy, and a very dapper gentleman." I think he looks like a hipster poseur. I mean, that neckerchief. And he's a couch surfer. All he's missing is fleas and an eating disorder...

*Well, except for maybe French cinema and existentialism. Or secular humanism. Or nihilism. Or hedonism...