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News & ArtsWednesday, June 8, 2011
City The Bravest Woman in Seattle
Posted by Eli Sanders on Wed, Jun 8, 2011 at 6:28 PM
Try to imagine having gone through what the woman who just testified at the Isaiah Kalebu trial experienced.
Try to imagine: Raped multiple times, in multiple ways, by a knife-wielding man who said he only wanted sex. Held captive next to your partner while the man did the same to her. Slashed and stabbed by the man while he slashed and stabbed her. Except he got his knife through her heart, and she died on the street in front of the South Park home you both lived in, while you survived.
Nearly two years later, you're called to talk about all of this in a sweltering courtroom in downtown Seattle.
Would you be able to?
Imagine recounting the love you shared with your partner, the wedding you were planning with her, the mix of utterly pedestrian and truly remarkable things that occurred in what turned out to be her last hours. The way she put chapstick on her lips before bed, and the brand, now dutifully entered into the court record: Soft Lips. The time-stopping conversation you'd both had over a recent dinner about your futures together, the child you wanted to have together, the small theater you hoped to one day quit your corporate jobs and build. The way she said her last "I love you." The way you said yours. The way your partner checked the locks multiple times that night (like always), the way she brushed her teeth multiple times that night while flossing in between (like always), the way she "had a few OCD qualities" when it came to things like that. The way you always took the right side of the bed, and she the left, which is just the way it was that night.
Imagine recounting, for the court, what happened next. How, after the intruder raped you and your partner the first times, he walked around your bedroom and slowly, one after the other, shut all the open windows. The way he leaned against the dresser, naked and self satisfied, and said: "Don't worry. That was just round one."
The way he then just stood there, silently, for a long time—and how for you, that waiting for more pain to come was worse than experiencing the pain in the moment. The way he smelled. (Clean.) The way he talked. (Softly.) How much hair he had on his head. (A fair amount.) How much hair he had on his skin. (Not much.) The things your terrified mind thought: If I do what he wants, he won't kill us. If I make a move while he's raping my partner, he'll kill her. If I tell my partner I love her, maybe he won't like that, so I won't say that now.
And the way you and your partner both "scuttled up," hands wrapped around knees, knees pressed to chest, between the rapes.
Imagine you get through all that, and then the prosecuting attorney approaches the witness stand. He reminds you that the man who attacked you and your partner told you that this "was just round one," and he asks you: Was there more?
You reply: "There was more."
How many rounds?
"Three."
It's 4 p.m. at the King County Courthouse.
The prosecuting attorney asks the judge if this is a good place to end for the day, and the judge says yes. You will return tomorrow, first thing in the morning, to describe all that happened next.
You walk out. You've cried in court. You've laughed on the record. You've diagrammed the interior of that house on a giant pad of paper set on an easel and now numbered as an official trial exhibit. You've bared, in a public proceeding, the interior of a relationship you hoped would never end. You've described—for twelve jurors, four lawyers, one judge, and dozens of onlookers—an inhuman violation.
You are not finished. You look determined. You are amazing.
1
And that is why, despite being an otherwise bleeding heart liberal, I keep a gun in the house. I live alone.
2
Wow. She is amazing.
@1: There's no clarity whether having a gun in the house would have protected her. Could she have reached a gun before he stabbed her or her partner? Would he have wrestled the gun away from them, or perhaps found it before he woke them?
@1: There's no clarity whether having a gun in the house would have protected her. Could she have reached a gun before he stabbed her or her partner? Would he have wrestled the gun away from them, or perhaps found it before he woke them?
3
Jesus Christ. Could we, for one fucking thread, not make this about guns? Could we just, you know, respectfully acknowledge what we've just read about a horrifying crime and the bravery of a woman who has taken the stand against her attacker? Just. This. Once?
4
@1, if there had been a gun in the house, their assailant would have gotten it first. They usually do. And with two gunshot victims in the house, instead of one slashed to pieces outside on the street, he probably would have gotten away.
5
Inhuman is exactly what I was thinking about the rapist during that whole post. "How does one human being do that to another human being?" I ask that question to myself way too often.
6
Thank you for giving a voice to her nightmare in such an eloquent way. I cannot imagine what it was like to hear her recount the worst day of her life. She is indeed amazing.
7
Horrifying. A long time ago I knew someone who worked in a rape crisis hotline center who heard stories of this viciousness every day. She helped a lot of people who never got a chance to testify against their attackers and many cases where there was no chance for any sort of justice. I still hold what I knew of her as a standard for my own humanity.
8
"You are not finished. You look determined. You are amazing."
Given up on journalism, eh Eli?
Guess this is what happens when a black man rapes one of The Stranger's key reader demographics - white, liberal, gay, educated and privileged- you get crucified by this paper.
Given up on journalism, eh Eli?
Guess this is what happens when a black man rapes one of The Stranger's key reader demographics - white, liberal, gay, educated and privileged- you get crucified by this paper.
10
Rob McKenna will take down the nutsos.
He announced his candidacy for Gov at 6pm today.
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/ed…
12
@11 truth hurts? Do you think The Stranger would bothered with this case if Kalebu had murdered and raped a straight black couple in Skyway? If you think they'd use this much ink for that story, you're delusional.
13
#3 Thank you. #8 Fuck you (from someone trained in journalism--you worthless know-nothing shithead).
And much more important than the comments, thanks Eli for the post and the way you recounted the hell these victims were subjected to and the amazing bravery and dignity of the victim who lived. I'd imagine she has many times thought that dying would be easier than this.
And much more important than the comments, thanks Eli for the post and the way you recounted the hell these victims were subjected to and the amazing bravery and dignity of the victim who lived. I'd imagine she has many times thought that dying would be easier than this.
14
Thank you, Eli. I've met you, and I know the race of the victims has nothing to do with your compassionate ear.
17
@13 Take it from someone who is trained in dealing with trolls, you can safely ignore them knowing the actual person behind that post literally does not believe their own words they type. They are likely just trying to get a rise out of you.
Also since guns got brought up in this whole mess I might as well chime in. Even if making a move for my gun got me and my partner killed instead of just her I would be willing to take that chance knowing that you also have the possibility of saving the both of you.
Also since guns got brought up in this whole mess I might as well chime in. Even if making a move for my gun got me and my partner killed instead of just her I would be willing to take that chance knowing that you also have the possibility of saving the both of you.
18
"If I do what he wants, he won't kill us. If I make a move while he's raping my partner, he'll kill her."
Exactly the wrong thing to do.
I could not imagine not moving while my partner was being raped, even over fear for her/his life. In a sort of similar situation (not rape, "only" assault), we were warned to stay quiet, but as soon as my friend started whimpering from the blows, I just lost it and freaked. I don't just mean yelling for help, I got hysterical, and though I was told to be quiet and was indeed hit for yelling, I was in total freak-out mode, wet myself and everything. The creeps didn't know how to deal with that, and I'm convinced that's what saved us from further harm. Unfortunately they got away and though we reported the incident, they were never picked up, which I guess is usual in random crimes like this. But my reaction is something I've used since, though thankfully not in a situation as bad as that one.
Everyone I know who's been attacked (male or female) and has fought back or resisted, fared better than those who didn't.
Maybe it's a throwback to my '70s upbringing. I remember women especially being told you had to fight back during a rape attempt, because if you didn't have any injuries, it wouldn't be considered rape. In one class it was even explained that saying "I didn't resist because he held a knife to my throat" wouldn't necessarily be enough because the guy could always deny he had a knife. There was more a tendency to treat the woman's claim as suspect, and not the man. I believe this is why no woman I know who was raped ever reported it. The attack would've had to be as vicious as the one here for any sympathy to be generated. The only woman I know whose attacker was brought to court was Mia Zapata, who sadly wasn't around to see it.
Years later, I read another story, of a cop talking to a group of woman about self-protection, and he too advised "going along with" a rape if it meant saving yourself. A woman asked if he would give the same advice to a man threatened with rape, and he said "No, I'd tell him to fight like hell." Then he caught himself over what he had said.
It would be awful have to relive your experiences so publicly, but the victim can at least get some satisfaction that the alleged attacker will be put away. I don't think it matters what his defense is, he's going to be locked up. I think his plea of "not guilty" is just another ploy to exert more cruelty. He's forcing everyone to go through this awful moment again. She's reliving it and crying. I'm sure that pleases him a good deal. Because he gets to relive it too. I'm sure he's not crying.
I am surprised at some of the comments, people astonished that other humans can be so hateful. I believe that's actually our trademark; innate cruelty. Cruelty is, I think, is part of what makes us human, what makes us different from the so called "lower" animals. Civilization tries to keep it at bay, but scratch the surface and evil will out.
At least in this case, the evil will get locked up, either in prison or a hospital.
More...
Exactly the wrong thing to do.
I could not imagine not moving while my partner was being raped, even over fear for her/his life. In a sort of similar situation (not rape, "only" assault), we were warned to stay quiet, but as soon as my friend started whimpering from the blows, I just lost it and freaked. I don't just mean yelling for help, I got hysterical, and though I was told to be quiet and was indeed hit for yelling, I was in total freak-out mode, wet myself and everything. The creeps didn't know how to deal with that, and I'm convinced that's what saved us from further harm. Unfortunately they got away and though we reported the incident, they were never picked up, which I guess is usual in random crimes like this. But my reaction is something I've used since, though thankfully not in a situation as bad as that one.
Everyone I know who's been attacked (male or female) and has fought back or resisted, fared better than those who didn't.
Maybe it's a throwback to my '70s upbringing. I remember women especially being told you had to fight back during a rape attempt, because if you didn't have any injuries, it wouldn't be considered rape. In one class it was even explained that saying "I didn't resist because he held a knife to my throat" wouldn't necessarily be enough because the guy could always deny he had a knife. There was more a tendency to treat the woman's claim as suspect, and not the man. I believe this is why no woman I know who was raped ever reported it. The attack would've had to be as vicious as the one here for any sympathy to be generated. The only woman I know whose attacker was brought to court was Mia Zapata, who sadly wasn't around to see it.
Years later, I read another story, of a cop talking to a group of woman about self-protection, and he too advised "going along with" a rape if it meant saving yourself. A woman asked if he would give the same advice to a man threatened with rape, and he said "No, I'd tell him to fight like hell." Then he caught himself over what he had said.
It would be awful have to relive your experiences so publicly, but the victim can at least get some satisfaction that the alleged attacker will be put away. I don't think it matters what his defense is, he's going to be locked up. I think his plea of "not guilty" is just another ploy to exert more cruelty. He's forcing everyone to go through this awful moment again. She's reliving it and crying. I'm sure that pleases him a good deal. Because he gets to relive it too. I'm sure he's not crying.
I am surprised at some of the comments, people astonished that other humans can be so hateful. I believe that's actually our trademark; innate cruelty. Cruelty is, I think, is part of what makes us human, what makes us different from the so called "lower" animals. Civilization tries to keep it at bay, but scratch the surface and evil will out.
At least in this case, the evil will get locked up, either in prison or a hospital.
19
@18, her situation is not your situation. She did what she could do. Please do not tell any victim that they did it wrong.
20
Eli stop. you fucking voyeur. stop it.
yes she is a brave woman. braver than you'll ever be.
just STOP.
yes she is a brave woman. braver than you'll ever be.
just STOP.
21
I dont' really have anything to say, except I agree and would love to see this hit most commented so everyone else can see who is the bravest woman in Seattle.
22
Eli, this is great writing. I hope you continue - it's a heartbreaking story that needs to be heard.
23
@20: look you don't have to read it. And maybe I'm just a sick voyeur by proxy, but I'm grateful for all of Eli's posts on the trial and his reporting on this since it first happened. From most of the comments in the various threads, it appears I'm not alone.
Eli has consistently reported on this gruesome event and it's aftermath in a compelling, gripping and gut-wrenching way. I haven't any other reporting coming even close.
Eli has consistently reported on this gruesome event and it's aftermath in a compelling, gripping and gut-wrenching way. I haven't any other reporting coming even close.
25
@18. I'm glad that worked out for you. I mean that, but fighting doesn't work for every victim. Police and prosecutors determined that Mia Zapata, a Seattle musician, was most likely killed (strangled by the strings of her hoodie) because she fought her rapist.
27
@26 Whether or not it is right or wrong I really only see trigger warnings in feminist websites or websites that deal with sexual assault commonly.
Personally I think that is ok because mentioning trigger warnings can be a slippery slope, where do you draw the line? What about murder or cancer? It does however make sense that places where victims are very likely to be you issue a warning but you can't trigger warning for every trigger in the mainstream media.
Personally I think that is ok because mentioning trigger warnings can be a slippery slope, where do you draw the line? What about murder or cancer? It does however make sense that places where victims are very likely to be you issue a warning but you can't trigger warning for every trigger in the mainstream media.
28
Let's get back to the point here: A brave woman today who must march on tomorrow. Stay strong, sister!
29
Exactly, @28. Her strength and bravery is the only bright spot in this otherwise horrific tale that Eli is treating so reverently.
And now I think I need to go have a brief cry over how horrible humans can be to their fellow humans, and perhaps enjoy a couple of shots of vodka....
And now I think I need to go have a brief cry over how horrible humans can be to their fellow humans, and perhaps enjoy a couple of shots of vodka....
30
I really want this guy to get a fair trial. But if he's found guilty, I'd like to see him dropped into an aluminum smelting pool.
31
@25 No argument that fighting doesn't always work. And it is obviously a risk, and you have to understand that when you take such action. But I do believe it gives you a better chance than not fighting at all.
To build on your example, I believe poor Mia would've still died if she hadn't fought. In fact at trial it was brought out that her internal injuries were such she would've died even w/o being strangled. The other reason she prob didn't have much chance is that her killer was massive (I attended court and saw him in person).
I guess I was thinking about this more as I was reading Ann Rule's latest edition of The Stranger Beside Me. In a new chapter, she recounts stories of a few women who got away from an attacker. "As I write these recollections of women who survived, I hope my readers are taking careful note of why they did. They screamed. They fought. They slammed doors in a stranger's face. They ran. They doubted glib stories. They spotted flaws in those stories. They were lucky enough to have someone step up and protect them."
@1, The gun is only useful if you have time to get to it. If you're taken by surprise (as was the case here, judging by testimony), it's useless. Though if there had been a gun, possibly during the 90 mins one of them could've made a grab for it. But whether that would've worked or not will never be known.
No mention in this story that the women were praying during the attack (I read that in the Seattle Times). I must say, if there was anything going to disabuse me of any faith in God, going through something like this would do so.
I think it's useful to read what other people think could/should have been done during the attack. You can learn from it.
To build on your example, I believe poor Mia would've still died if she hadn't fought. In fact at trial it was brought out that her internal injuries were such she would've died even w/o being strangled. The other reason she prob didn't have much chance is that her killer was massive (I attended court and saw him in person).
I guess I was thinking about this more as I was reading Ann Rule's latest edition of The Stranger Beside Me. In a new chapter, she recounts stories of a few women who got away from an attacker. "As I write these recollections of women who survived, I hope my readers are taking careful note of why they did. They screamed. They fought. They slammed doors in a stranger's face. They ran. They doubted glib stories. They spotted flaws in those stories. They were lucky enough to have someone step up and protect them."
@1, The gun is only useful if you have time to get to it. If you're taken by surprise (as was the case here, judging by testimony), it's useless. Though if there had been a gun, possibly during the 90 mins one of them could've made a grab for it. But whether that would've worked or not will never be known.
No mention in this story that the women were praying during the attack (I read that in the Seattle Times). I must say, if there was anything going to disabuse me of any faith in God, going through something like this would do so.
I think it's useful to read what other people think could/should have been done during the attack. You can learn from it.
32
I'm with 20. How totally inhumane that she had to relive that publicly in the courtroom. And now that same horrifying personal story has been repeated to the whole world and every last random acquaintance in her life knows exactly what sort of hell she lived through. I don't see any public benefit from this, and your sensationalistic account makes it even more gross. Give this woman who you profess to admire so much a fucking break- she's been through enough.
Someone I'm close to was raped. It wasn't until much later, when the scene was described to me in detail that I had a hard time looking at her without picturing that horror. It doesn't help anyone to have those images burned into all of our minds.
Someone I'm close to was raped. It wasn't until much later, when the scene was described to me in detail that I had a hard time looking at her without picturing that horror. It doesn't help anyone to have those images burned into all of our minds.
34
Oh sweet Jesus. I've never seen this woman and likely never will (living in a different country and all) but I am amazed and humbled by her bravery. I hope she knows that a whole lot of people think she is strong, and courageous, and a fantastic example of a survivor. Obviously none of this will even begin to touch the pain and suffering she's gone through and will continue to go through, but she has a cheering section, at least.
35
I knew my comment would be inflammatory, but it honestly wasn't intended as flame bait. Nor am I a die hard who says everyone should have a gun. But knowing there's sociopaths out there like this guy, makes me want to take my chances armed. Could someone surprise me? Of course. Would a gun have helped in this case? Who knows, too many ifs. Could been 2 dead victims or 1 dead suspect. My only point is that no matter how liberal and compassionate I am, there are sick humans out there like this guy who can't be reasoned with, who only want to hurt and torture. Like a rabid dog. If I ever see an intruder standing in my bedroom doorway with a knife, I'm going to do everything I can to shoot him. Anyway this woman is a hero, don't get me wrong. I applaud her bravery.
36
and I'm with 32 - yes these details are public record bc they are part of a trial, but should we, people who are not immediately involved in the trial, seek them out? no. part of the godawfulness of this all is that these incredibly private details are now part of the public record. this woman now has no control over who knows what happened to her and her partner. and those who've read this stuff now will only think of her partner and her with even more horror than before. this is tragic.
37
To all out there opposed to the death penalty: shut the fuck up! If this guy is proven guilty, he should die. Quickly. End of story, no tax payer burden, no appeals, no parole hearing, no finding God, no memoir, no wedding proposals. Just a fucking needle in the arm. Goodbye fucker.
39
Thank you, Eli.
For those that don't think the details should be recounted, I respectfully disagree. I'm so sorry she has to go through it again. However, putting this out and making people HEAR it somehow makes the horror of rape and assault REAL for people that dismiss it in their minds. Oh, sure, they'll tell you how awful it is, but do they really understand? I don't think they do. But when we are forced to listen, our reactions, tears, anger, heartache for this victim makes us better people. So, maybe if we're asked to step up in the future in whatever capacity, we have some understanding.
For those that don't think the details should be recounted, I respectfully disagree. I'm so sorry she has to go through it again. However, putting this out and making people HEAR it somehow makes the horror of rape and assault REAL for people that dismiss it in their minds. Oh, sure, they'll tell you how awful it is, but do they really understand? I don't think they do. But when we are forced to listen, our reactions, tears, anger, heartache for this victim makes us better people. So, maybe if we're asked to step up in the future in whatever capacity, we have some understanding.
40
well, 39, it's possible that there may be some public benefit in the way you describe, but I think the only ethical thing to do is to ask the victim whether they are interested in having the personal details of their story broadcast to the world in the name of educating the public. It's hard to imagine many victims volunteering for that. I know I wouldn't, but maybe I'm in the minority. Perhaps Eli did ask? I would hope that the wishes of someone already so brutalized would be honored, otherwise you're just heaping more shit on her already full plate.
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