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News & ArtsMonday, June 20, 2011
LGBTQITSLFA My Flame Is Dim?
Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, Jun 20, 2011 at 1:36 PM
They're issuing Gay Cards now and I'm saddened to report that I scored pretty dismally on the official-gay-card quiz:
I got my Gay Card just the same. But to raise my Gay Card score I'm gonna hafta get some GaGa/Cher/Madonna on my iTunes, invest in a wider selection of hair product, and go out dancing more frequently than my current once-in-a-never schedule. You can take the Gay Card Quiz here. Then you can giddily share your score somberly discuss whether this quiz amounts to a little harmless fun or whether it reinforces the horrifying stereotype that all gay men everywhere are sex/hair/gym-obsessed lubeheads in comments. Enjoy!
1
I've maintained for years that I was essentially a gay man with no fashion sense. (I'm female.)
I got a 56. I feel vindicated.
I got a 56. I feel vindicated.
4
Ha ha, I got a 24. Dan, they say I've got potential, which would make you a top notch official of teh gay!
9
64. The questions themselves are very stereotype based but the thing that's worse is the actuall card they want you to print out.
10
I got 24; I've never been so happy to score so low on a test before, and I consider myself pretty gay (and so does my boyfriend).
11
Shit, I only got a fucking 48?!?!?!?
Fucking stupid ass test!!! It should bend over and I'll show it just how gay I really am!!!
Fucking stupid ass test!!! It should bend over and I'll show it just how gay I really am!!!
19
76! Holy shit.
I'm a perfect Kinsey-3 bisexual. I've had relationships almost exclusively with other bisexual people and the occasional queer straight boy. I've been in love once with a man, once with a woman.
...and I'm gayer than all of you, including you, Mr. Savage.
I'm a perfect Kinsey-3 bisexual. I've had relationships almost exclusively with other bisexual people and the occasional queer straight boy. I've been in love once with a man, once with a woman.
...and I'm gayer than all of you, including you, Mr. Savage.
23
I got a 60 and which makes me "acceptably gay" yet I am neither male nor gay. I think I'll pass on telling my boyfriend my score, he teases me enough that I act more like a boy than a girl (affectionately, he's got a thing for butch girls).
25
The quiz is preposterous. Blacks and (everything but dark) browns can go together fabulously. Have y'all who wrote this silly thing ever seen photos from a Gucci runway collection? Have you ever bought something from the Ralph Lauren store online? No? Then who died and made you queen?
31
76 bitches! I'm gayer DaaAn, I'm gayer than DaaAn! Which really isn't that hard since I'm a bi woman with a degree in theatre and costume design. And black and brown absolutely can be worn together. So I have writen. So shall it be.
32
I got a 48! As a straight female I'm honored. I still think you're cooler than I am, Dan. I just use more hair products than you.
35
4. I know the importance of good lighting, but apparently that only gets me the "closet warmer" rating. Not that I'm disappointed, being a straight guy.
41
44 as well, and basically straight. I am kind of a theater fag (fuck you, GLAAD), though, and I do sort my underwear and throw dinner parties.
@23: Then again, scoring high on this quiz doesn't exactly scream "butch".
@23: Then again, scoring high on this quiz doesn't exactly scream "butch".
42
I got a 76! I am horrified how close-to-home some of those questions hit. So WHAT if my undies are classified into A-Team, B-Team, and Laundry Day!?! I imagined the separated drawers of my bureau when I read that question with shock.
46
"Will allow" and take this all in fun (36 here) but I'm getting a little tired of the Gay Box just like I'm tired of the Black Box and the Mexican Box and the Asian Box that too many still use for easy labeling.
I'll step aside, though, because I'm fighting the "protective father" role and my very much grown son can handle this himself (can't deny that I would look to see if he laughs first..... very hard to shake that role.)
I'll step aside, though, because I'm fighting the "protective father" role and my very much grown son can handle this himself (can't deny that I would look to see if he laughs first..... very hard to shake that role.)
47
Acceptably Gay at 56.
Not bad for a straight girl.
Dan, would you like me to give you some of my points?
Not bad for a straight girl.
Dan, would you like me to give you some of my points?
48
I'm only 32% of a flaming stereotype. I would probably be even less so if I didn't know that Sondheim wrote "West Side Story."
49
40. But it seems to me if you are deaf, this seriously handicaps you. Being female doesn't help either :-P. And black and brown DO SO work together.
51
16. As a straight guy I'll take that. (Could have been higher - I do own at least three hair products, but I routinely use only shampoo and conditioner, so that one got a "no.")
52
Yeah, I lost points on the black and brown thing. I have this great black/brown dress . . . guess I have to get rid of it now!
Blip @48, Sondheim only wrote the lyrics to "West Side Story," so you're only half as gay as you thought.
Blip @48, Sondheim only wrote the lyrics to "West Side Story," so you're only half as gay as you thought.
53
So dudes who fuck dudes don't get spotted 80 right off?
Lame.
Meanwhile, I got 56. But I don't think the quiz is set for lesbian-mode.
Lame.
Meanwhile, I got 56. But I don't think the quiz is set for lesbian-mode.
54
52 for a straight woman. And it would have been way lower if I weren't a nerd. I know about the bandana code from books, not from personal experience.
55
What, I get a 12 because I've been to fire island, know black and brown only works on dogs, and can name a sondhiem play? There is no kid who grew up in New York City in the 70s and 80s who wasnt subject to a billion Sweeny Todd ads on channel 11 for christ's sake.
59
I scored a little over one point for every year I've been out and rated even lower than Dan at a measly 36. Next time add a few sex questions to boost the score. This was much more a self-absorbed fag test than an actual gay rating.
61
As a woman, I don't get any particular enjoyment out of similar stereotypes about women (shoe-obsessed, chocoholic, shopping-addicted, chick-flick watching, sports-hating....) I just find these stereotypes demeaning.
But then, maybe gay stereotypes are different because they subvert the conventional, heteronormative gender code. Hence the giddy sharing of scores.
Or maybe I'm just overanalyzing this.
But then, maybe gay stereotypes are different because they subvert the conventional, heteronormative gender code. Hence the giddy sharing of scores.
Or maybe I'm just overanalyzing this.
63
Scored a 24.
I know a Sondheim who co-owns the Rosebud... does that count? (I believe he is related). And you must the flag code or else you can get into a lot of trouble.
I know a Sondheim who co-owns the Rosebud... does that count? (I believe he is related). And you must the flag code or else you can get into a lot of trouble.
65
So, I'm a terribly straight married father who scored 36% more gay than Dan. (Not that there's anything wrong with that). Where were the questions about finding long term happiness in a relationship with a partner with the same shaped junk?
66
I'm a 45 year-old straight mother of three. Never even kissed a girl. And I got a 64. *Beams*
Apparently being GGG and an ally counts for more than I knew. ;)
Apparently being GGG and an ally counts for more than I knew. ;)
67
I scored 24 and I'm a gay in training? It doesn't even occur to the questioner that it's possible not to have an iPod. At nearly 50 I can tell you that I am "untrainable". I own three pairs of shoes, my clothes are ghastly and what's worse, I can easily afford better, but *gasp* I really, really don't care. I have never owned "product". My shower has shampoo and soap. As long as my partner loves me the way I am and vice versa, I could give a damn.
69
How about the stereotype that all gays are men??? What about the lesbians y'all? I thought we made up at least a third of the gay population or are we getting pushed out by those trendy bi girls. Even the asshole homophobes leave us out of their bashing most of the time when they talk about promiscuity and butt-sex. Come on, homophobes, aim higher!
I still don't see why we need lesbian when the word gay was supposed to cover both sexes. Straight seems to cover it for men and women.
I still don't see why we need lesbian when the word gay was supposed to cover both sexes. Straight seems to cover it for men and women.
71
@69,
1. You're right, there are no actual, real bi girls out there. They're just trendy, much like you homosexuals who "choose" your fashionable deviant lifestyle.
2. We should all be outraged over the lack of representation for lesbians (or gay women, or whatever you want to call them) in this silly internet quiz. Being made subject to ridiculous stereotypes is, like, a human right.
1. You're right, there are no actual, real bi girls out there. They're just trendy, much like you homosexuals who "choose" your fashionable deviant lifestyle.
2. We should all be outraged over the lack of representation for lesbians (or gay women, or whatever you want to call them) in this silly internet quiz. Being made subject to ridiculous stereotypes is, like, a human right.
72
I got a 48, and I'm as gay as my avatar.
(hmmm... maybe that's telling me something: I AM as gay as my avatar. I'll have to think about that a bit...)
(hmmm... maybe that's telling me something: I AM as gay as my avatar. I'll have to think about that a bit...)
74
I scored 40, and I am a 43 year old woman, legally married for almost 20 years...granted, I do have a checkered past, but who doesn't know the difference between turquoise and cerulean?
I vote this site is a FAIL.
I vote this site is a FAIL.
76
Hey, I got a 24, and I'm about as straight a male as they come (which is at least 95%). I'll bet this is only because I'm the only male I know who can tell the difference between turquoise and cerulean.
So much for the truth-revealing value of this test...
So much for the truth-revealing value of this test...
78
I also got a 44 (and I'm a straight-ish woman!) I can now proudly say that I am as gay as Dan Savage.
80
24. I'm a Kinsey 6. Found the entire thing to be incredibly offensive. Obviously there is no room for gays like me in the community?
81
20 for this mostly straight guy. Why are black and brown a bad pairing? Everything goes with black. I'm talking slacks and shirts--agree that brown shoes or a brown belt with an otherwise all-black ensemble is a bad idea, but a combo like black shoes, black jeans, black belt and brown-spectrum shirt looks okay, doesn't it? Or brown shoes, khakis, brown belt and black shirt? Sigh.
82
@80: The "community" did not create or endorse that quiz. One guy did it. Don't get too buttsore.
84
@79, let's go SKIPPING!
Oh, wait, that's "infantile", not "gay". I'm that too.
My favorite sportcoat of all time was brown and black check with a blue plaid over it. Gorgeous. I wore it until the fabric fell apart (nothing to do with the front not closing anymore, I swear it).
Oh, wait, that's "infantile", not "gay". I'm that too.
My favorite sportcoat of all time was brown and black check with a blue plaid over it. Gorgeous. I wore it until the fabric fell apart (nothing to do with the front not closing anymore, I swear it).
85
I got a 40. Gay-In-Training as well. I wonder if my wife will let me steal from my kids' college funds for tuition.
87
I refuse to look at any quiz I didn't compose myself, but I cannot comprehend Mr Savage's score being so low. Sex-obsessed? Check. Hair? I thought everyone above the age of 33 was being forced to shave his head these days, so that he can't lose too many points there. Gym? Double check. Lubehead? Well, I shan't touch one with a ten-inch pole, but it certainly seems that Mr Savage ought to score higher than 44. Maybe he was downgraded over South Park?
89
80-GAY GAY GAY. And my brother in law said he was proud of me (I scored higher than he did)
I am very sad that the grooming that extends below the neck is classified as a gay man only thing.
I am very sad that the grooming that extends below the neck is classified as a gay man only thing.
91
32
And I am a bi guy on the gay side of the Kinsey 3. Maybe it just means we have no culture in my big ole cowtown.
But I own silver pants and a net shirt, dammit! I used to drive a jeep! I have a HICBIA! I have abs!
And I am a bi guy on the gay side of the Kinsey 3. Maybe it just means we have no culture in my big ole cowtown.
But I own silver pants and a net shirt, dammit! I used to drive a jeep! I have a HICBIA! I have abs!
94
Aside from the gay stereotyping, does anyone else care about how things like this disappear gay women? Anyone?
I tried to take it but I can't handle misspellings in an online quiz.
I tried to take it but I can't handle misspellings in an online quiz.
96
Mostly straight girl here. I got a 64. It must be knowledge (and love) of Sondheim, not to mention knowing all the Golden Girls.
97
Mixed feelings about getting 36. I'm a boring old hetero married guy but I do like the arts over sports. Hmm, I'm kind of offended now that no gay man has ever made a pass at me.
100
I have a version of this test.
Are you exclusively sexually attracted to people of your same gender? A yes answer gets you the full 100 points.
Are you exclusively sexually attracted to people of your same gender? A yes answer gets you the full 100 points.
102
Hm...straight tomboy, and I also got a 44. Definitely geared towards males. I know a few women who would score 10000. :)
104
Jeez. I got a 72, and I need to work on it, apparently. Being a Kinsey 6 since 1951 doesn't cut it, I guess.
105
Despite my avatar - faggy Voltaire - I only scored 32. Lord - what's wrong with me? I adore Sondheim but have absolutely no hair product in my boudoir. I am deaf in one ear - so an iPod is out of the question. And if the guy/girl/it that made up this test doesn't how to spell Mykonos or the difference among Providence, Provincetown or Ogunquit, then it's just a snap quiz with no effect on your Homo Orals.
106
I got a 20. This only reinforces my belief that I'm homosexual, not gay.
And what's the bandanna code?
And what's the bandanna code?
107
I got 24 and I am gay as daisies in May but being European, the test was way americancentric...but it was funny doing it
1-I do not have an Ipad
2- I do not have much hair anymore
3-and who is Sondheim ....
4-My undies are only classified clean/in the laundry
5-I do not drink
6- I do like a good cock in my mouth though, does this count?
1-I do not have an Ipad
2- I do not have much hair anymore
3-and who is Sondheim ....
4-My undies are only classified clean/in the laundry
5-I do not drink
6- I do like a good cock in my mouth though, does this count?
108
Quite happy to have come in at a 20.
What's (apparently) gay about me? I know Sondheim (by the way, whatever happened to classical music and opera queens? We're supposed to be the ones keeping the culture going here). I know bears and pigs. And hanky codes. And how to cook.
Does it count if I've only used "girlfriend" ironically?
What's (apparently) gay about me? I know Sondheim (by the way, whatever happened to classical music and opera queens? We're supposed to be the ones keeping the culture going here). I know bears and pigs. And hanky codes. And how to cook.
Does it count if I've only used "girlfriend" ironically?
109
Nothing about leather. Nothing about bears, denim, flannel or facial hair. Nothing at all about politics.
I'm married to my husband and we have a home dungeon. I should think either one should spot me at least a few extra points.
Somehow, I suspect that my standards for "making an entrance" and those of whoever wrote the quiz are wildly different. For that matter, the reason I have multiple hair products has more to do with the state of my hair and scalp and far less to do with looking fabulous. And what, no cooking questions?
Personally, I have no interest in being "in training" to be the kind of gay person that quiz seems to indicate. Having someone "in training" means something entirely different to me. See the above dungeon point.
I'm married to my husband and we have a home dungeon. I should think either one should spot me at least a few extra points.
Somehow, I suspect that my standards for "making an entrance" and those of whoever wrote the quiz are wildly different. For that matter, the reason I have multiple hair products has more to do with the state of my hair and scalp and far less to do with looking fabulous. And what, no cooking questions?
Personally, I have no interest in being "in training" to be the kind of gay person that quiz seems to indicate. Having someone "in training" means something entirely different to me. See the above dungeon point.
110
I identify as bi, although my experience with other women is limited and am married to a dude. I scored a 60. I'm pretty sure the scale is off!!
111
This quiz is awfully dumb. They used "Providence" as a gay destination question 2 when I'm sure they meant to say "Provincetown." I mean, Providence is pretty gay-friendly, but it's no Fire Island.
116
I only got a 20. What a ridiculous test. Also, I could remember three of the Golden Girls, so I should have gotten partial credit for that answer.
117
I scored a 72 (acceptably gay) and I'm a lesbian. That seems wrong to me. Shouldn't I have another set of questions about Home Depot, Subarus, and human services work?
121
What exactly do these questions have to do with being gay? I am 100% gay yet I scored 28. I am attracted to men, period. In fact, just the thought of having sex with a woman disgusts me. Hell, seeing a straight couple having sex disgusts me. This quiz falls right into the hands of the homophobic christianists in that it perpetuates the lie that being gay is a lifestyle when in fact being gay an emotional and physical attraction to someone of the same sex. It has nothing to do with shoes or musicals or body care products. No, this is a quiz to discover your level of self-indulgent narcissism.
125
I am at least the second bi-guy to score a 32. Hence, I propose it is the bi-score based on this ample evidence.
127
Shit, I thought "Oklahoma" was Sondhiem. I'm not even the 20 I thought I was. I suck at being gay. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to make do with vaginas. Ce la vie.
128
36. Is it just me, or are at least 30 of those points pretty much guaranteed if you've ever sung in a choir or lived anywhere but Indiana?
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