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News & ArtsThursday, June 23, 2011
Chow / Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Miracle Whip Is Disgusting
Posted by Bethany Jean Clement on Thu, Jun 23, 2011 at 7:43 AM
...and the new "We're Not for Everyone" ad campaign isn't fooling people with tastebuds.
- theoatmeal.com
- Click for full comic (worth it!)
Now to the poll (dissenters may set themselves up for vilification in comments)...
5
Miracle Whip isn't mayo. It's not supposed to be mayo. It looks similar but to compare the two is like saying Western salad dressing is supposed to be ketchup. Mayo is for horrible gloppy "salads", potato, macaroni, tuna, etc, while Miracle Whip is for sandwiches.
6
This a ruse. "Miracle Whip is Disgusting" can ONLY be a Savage Love Letter of the Day. And bounteousness beholds, instead of another annoying verbiaged plea for Savage's counsel, the author has drawn a cartoon!! I'll supply the implied note:
Dear Faggot:
I'm fat, so first off, you love me. My miracle whip when lathered with Miracle Whip, stings me on the fanny with the slithery sensation of an electric eel?! Electric!? Yes, Electric! Tell me oh so lord of advice. Is imagined electricity a bad fetish?
Sincerely,
Boy Doing Sinful Miracles
Dear Faggot:
I'm fat, so first off, you love me. My miracle whip when lathered with Miracle Whip, stings me on the fanny with the slithery sensation of an electric eel?! Electric!? Yes, Electric! Tell me oh so lord of advice. Is imagined electricity a bad fetish?
Sincerely,
Boy Doing Sinful Miracles
7
The perfect storm:
On a salad plate, stack:
one leaf iceberg lettuce
one canned peach half
one dollop of Miracle whip
freshly grated mild cheddar cheese
and serve. This was the '60's idea of a salad. Lived through it somehow.
On a salad plate, stack:
one leaf iceberg lettuce
one canned peach half
one dollop of Miracle whip
freshly grated mild cheddar cheese
and serve. This was the '60's idea of a salad. Lived through it somehow.
8
Miracle whip is disgusting on sandwiches. Miracle whip is just on anything. Miracle whip is just plain disgusting. "goblin cum" is right.
12
Mayonnaise is amazing. It belongs anywhere butter isn't.
Miracle Whip is for fat midwesterners who often think "Sure this is good, but it could be sweeter."
Miracle Whip is for fat midwesterners who often think "Sure this is good, but it could be sweeter."
13
Miracle Whip is a miracle that could make a shit sandwich taste like manna from heaven, and I will now find a way to have it for breakfast.
15
Like so many middle class midwesterners, I grew up eating the Miracle Whip. Tasted especially good on my Wonder Bread and Oscar Meyer baloney sandwich.
Also, we roamed freely through the neighborhood starting at age 5, we were allowed to play with toy guns, and we didn't have to wear a helmet every time we mounted something with wheels.
Also, we roamed freely through the neighborhood starting at age 5, we were allowed to play with toy guns, and we didn't have to wear a helmet every time we mounted something with wheels.
16
I haven't had it in years, and I don't ever buy the stuff, but miracle whip is like that really shitty processed cheese. It just tastes good sometimes.
17
I like Miracle Whip when I'm out of mayo. Sometimes I switch it up.
Nothing wrong with change people.
Nothing wrong with change people.
18
@ 15, are all those observations supposed to make a point?
I grew up on Miracle Whip, margarine, and Cool Whip. Today, I eat food.
I grew up on Miracle Whip, margarine, and Cool Whip. Today, I eat food.
19
Excuse me, but my White Trash Ancestry is being oppressed by this posting. Miracle Whip is excellent on a grilled cheese sandwich. or balony.
20
"People who need you to know how they feel about Miracle Whip."
This is missing from Lindy West's fabled list of the different kinds of people there are.
This is missing from Lindy West's fabled list of the different kinds of people there are.
23
@22 I accidently bought vegannaise once and got through 1/2 the bottle before I realized it wasn't real mayonaise. I haven't gone back since and I GD love me some mayo.
25
@7, and if Mom's on a diet, cottage cheese instead of cheddar. Christ, how many of those things did I eat?
27
The mass-produced version of either is the epitome of grossness.
If it ain't a home-made, hand-whisked garlic aoli, get it the HELL off my plate!
If it ain't a home-made, hand-whisked garlic aoli, get it the HELL off my plate!
28
My mother had a fat phobia and used Miracle Whip in tuna salad, pimento cheese, chicken salad, sandwich spread, etc. She was under the impression that it was healthier (and had fewer calories, of course).
I didn't have my first jar of Hellman's until I left home (and I haven't looked back since). I tolerated MW when I was a kid. I didn't know any better. But I'm nowhere brave enough to try it now. I'm pretty sure I'd hate it - and since it ain't cheap (nothing's cheap anymore), why waste the money?
I do remember it being sweet and kind of vinegar-tangy - and that's key with a lot of the lower fat processed foods. They remove fat and add sugar or corn syrup...and that's supposed to be healthier?
I didn't have my first jar of Hellman's until I left home (and I haven't looked back since). I tolerated MW when I was a kid. I didn't know any better. But I'm nowhere brave enough to try it now. I'm pretty sure I'd hate it - and since it ain't cheap (nothing's cheap anymore), why waste the money?
I do remember it being sweet and kind of vinegar-tangy - and that's key with a lot of the lower fat processed foods. They remove fat and add sugar or corn syrup...and that's supposed to be healthier?
31
Mass-produced mayonnaise is barely above Miracle Whip, but homemade mayo is Condiment of the Gods.
32
Miracle Whip always makes me think of that religious organization that fancies itself, and it's leaders, chosen personally by God, {Dan's moniker: Child Rape, Inc.), and what incredible things they tell young boys (and girls) to guilt trip them into silent compliance.
Miracle Whip, indeed.
Miracle Whip, indeed.
33
@27 and @31: I smell what you're cooking, but! I insist you try Trader Joe's organic mayonnaise. (You too, Aaron Huffman.) It just might change your mind.
34
I haven't had it since I was a kid, on Underwood deviled ham sandwiches. I loved it then. I wonder if I'd like it now.
35
Once, I bought Store Brand Mayonnaise and I made some tuna salad with it. It tasted like death. wasn't actually mayo, but Store Brand Miracle Whip calling itself Store Brand Mayonnaise! BEWARE!
36
Miracle Whip is something that tastes great and that isn't very good for you in abundance. See also: bacon.
38
@7 and 25,
My grandfather's '50s-era salad consisted of iceberg lettuce, peach halves or fruit cocktail, and cottage cheese.
It wasn't so bad, at least not to a 5 year old.
My grandfather's '50s-era salad consisted of iceberg lettuce, peach halves or fruit cocktail, and cottage cheese.
It wasn't so bad, at least not to a 5 year old.
39
Brand matters for mayonnaise. I would never buy store-label mayo, which is always awful and disgusting (TJ's is something of an exception, of course).
For store-boughten, it's gotta be Hellman's/Best Foods (why the name change out here in the west???). Kraft is barely tolerable.
As for Miracle Whip, the less said the better. It's even more revolting than off-brand mayo, which makes it seriously revolting.
For store-boughten, it's gotta be Hellman's/Best Foods (why the name change out here in the west???). Kraft is barely tolerable.
As for Miracle Whip, the less said the better. It's even more revolting than off-brand mayo, which makes it seriously revolting.
40
I rolled my eyes when my boyfried bought miracle whip. Then I looked at the ingredients. Normal food items. Nothing gross, not much different than mayonaise. If you don't like the taste, that's one thing, but if you think it's some mystery-meat, spray-cheez, food product, it's just not. I'm a believer now.
41
I like them both.
And I guess if liking Miracle Whip makes me some kind of goblin fetishist, then that's just what I am.
And I guess if liking Miracle Whip makes me some kind of goblin fetishist, then that's just what I am.
42
I'm with #18. This is the stuff I was raised on - I don't eat 'em today, but ah the memories...
MW is tangier than mayo. To this day I can't take the awful mouth-filling fatty taste of mayo.. blyecch!
Also, MW was originally marketed as a salad dressing! Don't know if it still says that on the label, but I remember many a meal with a big bowl of green salad, mixed up with a dollop of tangy MW. Tasted good to the 5-yr-old I was then...
MW is tangier than mayo. To this day I can't take the awful mouth-filling fatty taste of mayo.. blyecch!
Also, MW was originally marketed as a salad dressing! Don't know if it still says that on the label, but I remember many a meal with a big bowl of green salad, mixed up with a dollop of tangy MW. Tasted good to the 5-yr-old I was then...
43
I grew up on Miracle Whip too. It's just a tangy version of mayonnaise. Regular mayo doesn't have enough taste for me. I do, however, like Heinz mayo - I don't know where to find it, though.
44
I was in Germany a dozen years ago and stopped at an "American" bagel place. It had a picture of a bagel with a slice of tomato, a slice of cheese, some basil, and what looked like a thick hunk of cream cheese. My mouth was watering as I bit into it, only to discover it wasn't cream cheese but FUCKING MIRACLE WHIP. I nearly puked, but then I was overcome with wonder at how in the holy living hell someone could think that was a good idea? CHRIST!
Somehow I liked it when I was a kid though.
Somehow I liked it when I was a kid though.
45
I like Miracle Whip in certain things. For most sandwiches I go with mayo but I've found I HATE mayo in tuna and egg salad. It's the oil that's the problem, it's just too oily while miracle whip has a less oily texture and is more tangy which works well with egg and tuna.
46
I grew up on Fat Free Miracle Whip and that's my condiment of choice on sandwiches and in tuna salad and such.
47
@15 ... and we tied onions to our belts, as was the fashion at the time...
Seriously, I have those same memories of a carefree childhood. Sweet memories. Sweet like delicious Miracle Whip.
Seriously, I have those same memories of a carefree childhood. Sweet memories. Sweet like delicious Miracle Whip.
48
Have any of you complaining about the SUGAR in MW ever looked at the nutrition facts on the bottle? It has like *2G* of sugar per serving. That's like 1/8 of a teaspoon. Not a bad trade for the *4G* of fat it replaces. It's not like some of the "light" foods (Snackwells, salad dressing) that add 2-3 tsp. of sugar just to drop a gram or two of fat. So long as you're not going through a jar a week, the sugar content is irrelevant. And as @40 pointed out, there's nothing *actually* unnatural about MW. Water, oil, vinegar, eggs, a dash of sugar and some spices. One could even MAKE THEIR OWN if they were so inclined (apparently THAT'S the secret to my friend's MIL's pasta salad...the only one in existence I like).
I'm not going to judge your preference. Food preferences are what they are. But here's one that will make your head spin: I NEVER had mayo OR MW until I was an adult. No health issue, my mother didn't like them, and insisted that her kids wouldn't either. Even never having tasted either until I had functional, non-impressionable taste buds, I like both. Yes, they taste different, but except for light or fat-free mayo (now THAT'S some goblin cum grossness...or something...they taste like plastic), neither taste bad, wrong, or unnatural to me.
I'm not going to judge your preference. Food preferences are what they are. But here's one that will make your head spin: I NEVER had mayo OR MW until I was an adult. No health issue, my mother didn't like them, and insisted that her kids wouldn't either. Even never having tasted either until I had functional, non-impressionable taste buds, I like both. Yes, they taste different, but except for light or fat-free mayo (now THAT'S some goblin cum grossness...or something...they taste like plastic), neither taste bad, wrong, or unnatural to me.
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