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Thursday, June 30, 2011

This Is the Second Most E-Mailed Story at the NYT

Posted by on Thu, Jun 30, 2011 at 9:36 AM

Holy Mary, Dan. Congrats!


Comments (29) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
Chip 1
Savage, who is 46

They got his age wrong, though.
Posted by Chip on June 30, 2011 at 9:43 AM · Report this
tdalec 2
You guys wake up late out there on the Left Coast.
Posted by tdalec on June 30, 2011 at 9:46 AM · Report this
Dominic Holden 3
@2) You geezers go to sleep at dinner time.
Posted by Dominic Holden on June 30, 2011 at 9:50 AM · Report this
@ 2, for serious. I read this article hours ago.
Posted by moosefan on June 30, 2011 at 9:55 AM · Report this
@1, that was my first thought, too!
Posted by arts&letters on June 30, 2011 at 10:01 AM · Report this
Last of the Time Lords 6
I thought Dan was 52?
Posted by Last of the Time Lords on June 30, 2011 at 10:06 AM · Report this
MasMadness 7
I've been in a poly thing for several years and I really think my favorite part about it, intellectually anyway, is the always-glaring generation gap. I think it's adorable to watch "the adults" sit there with an abacus and reason it all out when it comes so very easily to younger folk. Seeing how novel and genuinely confusing the idea of "just be honest" is to them is a treat that never really gets old. It's even more adorable the way people act like DS invented non-monogamy, or really has any ground-breaking ideas on the subject whatever. (Not meant as a diss, but yeah, these are not exactly original ideas.)
Posted by MasMadness on June 30, 2011 at 10:07 AM · Report this
danewood 8
@ 7

I didn't see that article treating Dan like he'd invented non-monogomy any more than they treat him like he invented homosexuality. He's a fierce, fearless advocate of both. One doesn't have to have the original idea to advocated passionately for it.

Secondly, honesty is a problem in relationship both old AND young. And, erm, in my experiences the lesser of the relationship honesty occured when I was young and ignorant.

Lastely, many poly relationships don't have it all figured out just as many monogamous relationships don't. But I am glad that you do, so kudos.
Posted by danewood on June 30, 2011 at 10:15 AM · Report this
bethm 9
That's a good article! I want to share it on facebook, but I'm worried it will be seen as an invitation. ;)
Posted by bethm on June 30, 2011 at 10:22 AM · Report this
I think it's really sweet that Dan smashed a cake in that kid's face.
Posted by Doot on June 30, 2011 at 10:27 AM · Report this
MasMadness 11
@8, I guess I just kind of chortled a bit at phrases like "Savages' honesty ethic", etc. Just kind of made me giggle is all...the same feeling I get when people say things like "the Greeks invented logic". And I didn't intend to take away from the advocacy angle. DS definitley gets credit for helping get it all out into the mainstream.

I know that people have problems with honesty, I just don't understand why...if I can't be honest with people and don't think they are consistently honest with me, I generally don't keep that around. And I know that (dis)honesty knows no age...but am I just totally whiffing on the tone of that article? I suppose since he's the 'Beliefs' columnist at NYT he has to keep that weird detached, clinical vibe that seems kind of incongruent, trying to write an backwards-gazing anthropological piece about current events. But it just struck me as something that you'd read in an issue of Time magazine from the 60's about hippies. But maybe I'm the only one who perceived it that way.

As for the rest, yeah, I'm not a good case study...I got very, very lucky through a confluence of circumstances very unlikely to be duplicated, so I'm of sort of limited use and perspective, I guess. Just lookin through my own little window...
Posted by MasMadness on June 30, 2011 at 10:36 AM · Report this
Aw. The part of the story about the cake-smash guy is really rather touching.
Posted by apollonia666 on June 30, 2011 at 11:01 AM · Report this
Soupytwist 13
@10 - That moment in the book had me laughing and crying at the same time, it was so sweetly done.
Posted by Soupytwist on June 30, 2011 at 11:01 AM · Report this
@10 Fun details: the kid is straight, Dan was fully clothed throughout the interaction and, just before the smash, said "Now close your eyes and pretend I'm Hilary Swank."
Posted by Brashion on June 30, 2011 at 11:42 AM · Report this
tdalec 20
It's now #1 on the most emailed list.
Posted by tdalec on June 30, 2011 at 1:06 PM · Report this
Yay, my comment got "highlighted" at the NYT. I'm going to celebrate by hooking up with the first woman I meet.
Posted by delwalk on June 30, 2011 at 2:16 PM · Report this
What's with the polygamy troll?

Dude, you need to put up a web page or something. Your broken-record posts don't add up to anything. Develop your philosophy, work out the details, start a website. See if anyone gives a shit.

Anyone here who might have been sympathetic has probably learned to ignore your repetitions by now. And your unrequited yearning for Dan's approval is truly pathetic.
Posted by Brooklyn Reader on June 30, 2011 at 2:27 PM · Report this
Check out today's Ask Amy. Quite a hilarious contrast:…
Posted by pkbrown on June 30, 2011 at 2:49 PM · Report this
Eva Hopkins 67
Us = the period troll, somebody get rid of them, already.

I read the first buncha unregistered comments. They're all likely the same, skippin' 'em.

This has prompted some good discussion on my FB page -… - & I'm unsurprised at the comments there, some folks = marriage = monogamy & they're pretty strident about it. Other commentors, who I know practice monogamy, were surprisingly open-minded about the concept.

Hey Dan, congrats on the Times piece, it's very thorough. Go, team monogamish.
Posted by Eva Hopkins on July 2, 2011 at 11:29 AM · Report this
Eva Hopkins 68
Whoops. Never mind, I just read some of the non-registered comments that weren't the period troll's. Good discussion.

I don't think the thrust of the interview was, an open marriage will work for just anyone. My take-away was, some people are monogamous, & some people are not. It'd be great if there was more honest discussion between couples, hopefully before marriage, to ensure that both halves of the couple are on the same page. The divorce rate would lead one to believe that the model of marriage we have now isn't working.

The first man I lived with, I walked in on cheating on me w/ someone else. I would have far rather had a painful discussion beforehand than the humiliation of that afterwards.
Posted by Eva Hopkins on July 2, 2011 at 11:36 AM · Report this
@11: There are huge advantages to dishonesty, sad to say, and they can be hard to give up. You don't have to compromise: you can have things exactly how you like, while you tell other people that things are really how they like.

Off-topic, but are there discussions of logic that predate the Greeks? I hadn't realized.
Posted by BlackRose on July 2, 2011 at 3:17 PM · Report this
The headlines I've seen linked to this article are misleading: "Monogamy destroys more lives than it saves", "Can infidelity save a marriage?" It's not monogamy that's the problem or infidelity that's the solution. Dishonesty is the problem, honesty is the solution.

I've been with the same guy for 5 years, married for 2, and have no desire to sleep with anyone else. Sure there are other people out there I think are attractive, but I'd rather have sex with the guy I love. Maybe that will change 10 years down the line, but right now, I only want him. I know he's attracted to a lot more people than I am and is more able to separate sex from emotion and intimacy than me, so we'll see what happens. I'd be willing to open up the marriage in the future if that's what he feels he needs to be happy.
Posted by Amanda on July 2, 2011 at 11:42 PM · Report this
I think that blasting your opinion over and over and over again in a comments forum is abusing the privilege. Someone's panties are clearly in a bunch, but that doesn't make me want to read their screed. Notice the clearly cowardly practice of inventing screennames that are one-line insults - how clever. Thank you Stranger, for collapsing those comments that are unregistered. It really helps filter out the verbal puke.
Posted by montex on July 3, 2011 at 10:02 AM · Report this
Comments from #57 on seem to be cut and paste jobs from the Times article's comment sections. Can repeated plagiarism result in a bannination?
Posted by clashfan on July 3, 2011 at 10:42 AM · Report this
samktg 74
@73, Actually, it's cut and paste from #33 on.
Posted by samktg on July 3, 2011 at 12:21 PM · Report this
LEE. 78
I really hope you're getting paid for this.

you know who this is directed towards.
Posted by LEE. on July 3, 2011 at 6:45 PM · Report this
@ 75, cut and paste IS plagiarism if the source is not given. Please enlighten me as to when the Stranger staff have copied others' writing without citing their source.

You did commit plagiarism, which I have little tolerance for. Also, kindly leave off the gratuitous insults. I don't think they add much.
Posted by clashfan on July 4, 2011 at 11:00 AM · Report this
Really? What have I done to earn them? I don't recall insulting you or using profanity in your direction. Or are you using ad hominem attacks because you choose not to argue against my points of view on varying topics?
Posted by clashfan on July 5, 2011 at 7:12 AM · Report this
god, I find tiresome all the, mostly women, who find in necessary to go on about how monogamy is best in these threads.

Glad that monogamy is best for YOU.

Thanks for taking time out of your busy day to post.
Posted by Doot on July 14, 2011 at 1:20 AM · Report this

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