The Stranger Election Control Board is sitting down with perennial candidate Goodspaceguy—who has run for office 11 times, wants to colonize space, and explained during his run for county executive in 2009 that we could increase tourism in the region by damming lots of rivers and creating scores of beautiful lakes—along with the other two candidates running for King County Council Position 8.

So, Goodspaceguy, are you sad that today marks the end of the space shuttle program?

"It’s a happy day," Goodspaceguy told a stunned SECB. "I am very pleased that it’s the last shuttle. The shuttle was a boondoggle. I was sad when we shut down the rocket that we went to the moon with. Whatever we send into orbit should stay in orbit. Trips into orbit should be one-way trips. When people go to space, they should stay for a long time. Our goals should have been space colonization. If that was our goal, we would have 200 habitats in orbit about the earth, the moon and mars by now."

How does he describe his campaign platform?

"I want to be known as the person who wants to abolish the minimum wage," he told a still-stunned SECB. "I want it to be called the 'job destroying minimum wage.' Abolish it and the homeless and those in leisure can join the workforce."