I know there are women out there who don't believe they have a right to police the erotic imaginations of their boyfriends and husbands—to say nothing of their brothers, coworkers, bosses, and coaches. There are women out there who don't consider porn a form "buying sex." There are women out there who don't go "ballistic" when their boyfriends or husbands admit to looking at a little porn. And there are women out there who use porn themselves. I know all of that. And I know that this completely insane post at Jezebel was written by a man. But, shit, reading it... all I could think was... I'm so glad I'm gay.
The castrati sings:
Because so many men are dishonest about sex, either lying directly or being "economical with the truth" about their private behavior, women are left feeling unsafe and mistrustful. Of course, not every single man uses porn or buys sex in other forms. But a great many do, as Newsweek reminds us, and they do include husbands and boyfriends, brothers and fathers, bosses and teachers, coaches and co-workers. That so many women are unsettled by that reality is as much a reflection of what they don't know about the men in their lives as what they do....
I've heard from many guys who tell me that they lie about porn (and the other kinds of sex they may buy) because, as one put it to me, "women go ballistic when you tell them the truth." But it's not women's job to ratchet down their anger in order to make it safe for men to get real. We owe it to the women we love—and to ourselves—to have the courage to name what it is we're doing and how often we're doing it.
So... husbands and boyfriends, brothers (!) and fathers (!!), bosses (!!!) and teachers (!!!!), coaches (!!!!!) and coworkers (!!!!!!) have a responsibility to be honest with the women in their lives about their porn use. But women can't be asked to "ratchet down their anger" when they're told the truth—indeed, they have a right to be furious, and you should stand there and take it, you sex maniac. You tell the truth, she goes ballistic—got it, guys?
Sometimes I'm so glad that my wife is a man.