An innocent Saturday night of drinking unexpectedly turned into a harrowing home knife assault, according to a police report filed by SPD Officer Matthew J. Blackburn. The officer arrived in north Capitol Hill after midnight to find an injured couple holed up in their apartment.

According to the report, the trouble had begun when the man and woman arrived at their apartment after a night spent drinking. Blackburn writes that the residents invited friend they had been drinking with "to sleep on their couch as they felt he was too drunk to drive."

The would-be house guest had other ideas, however. The guest reportedly "became agitated and demanded his keys," the report continues. At that point, Blackburn writes, the scene got ugly when the house guest "grabbed a knife from a magnetic hanger and slashed [the male resident] on the right side of the neck. ...[The female resident] began to scream and yell for both men to stop fighting. [The house guest] turned and punched her several times in the face with a closed fist. [The male resident] then forced [the dickbag] out the front door and contacted the police."

Officer Blackburn arrived to find the suspect standing in the hallway. Blackburn arrested the suspect, he writes in the report, saying the man "appeared intoxicated and [Blackburn] had trouble understanding him as he spoke." After first responders arrived, the suspect was booked into jail and the victims were treated for their injuries.