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Thursday, August 4, 2011

SL Letter of the Day: Name That Poon

Posted by on Thu, Aug 4, 2011 at 1:42 PM

Over the years I've written many letters to you although I never sent any of them. I take the great Ann Landers advice—I can't express in words how happy I am that you now have her desk!—and write letters whenever I am troubled just to get my feelings out. Then re-read the letters after I calm down and realize how small my problems are.

Anyway, I write to you today to ask a favor. I have been with my girlfriend for about two years now and a while ago we had a discussion about the various names for a woman's lady bits. There is the offensive (cunt and snatch), the creepy (pussy), the squeamish (vajayjay), the goofy (box), and the technical (vagina). What we could not come up with was a word that described a woman's genitals in a sexual sense that was positive and fun. We ended up creating our own word: vaclabia. It's a mash up of vagina, labia, and clitoris. It doesn't creep us out to say it. We don't feel dirty saying it. And we don't feel like we are 12-year-old girls who are uncomfortable with sex when we say it. (That's how we feel when we say "vajayjay.") I'm happy with it just being a word that we use between the two of us, however my girlfriend would love to get the word out on this word. She thought about getting Oprah to use it before she went off air, but I didn't see it as an Oprah kind of thing. I figured you were much more of the expert in this area—not vaclabia, of course, but coining words with sexual connotations and popular appeal.

Lesbo in NY

My response after the jump...

···················

Hm...

To my ears, LINY, "vaclabia" sounds equal parts sinister and ridiculous. I mean, maybe I'm impaired here, maybe it's early, and maybe I'm putting the emphasis on the wrong syllable... but every time I said "vaclabia" out loud I hear "Count Chocula" in my head. Now I can't say "vaclabia" aloud without using a bad Transylvanian accent. (And, no, this isn't evidence of my gynophobia. LINY's word reminds me of something I used to enjoy eating and would happily eat again if someone were to put a box—ha! box!—in front of me.)

And I don't really see a gaping hole in our sexual vocabulary that requires filling. Between vagina, vag, pussy, twat, cunt, snatch, box, fanny (for the Brits), and vajayjay (for the twits), it seems to me that there's an acceptable/palatable slang term for women's genitals out there for everyone.

But, hey, I'm impaired, and I don't have a vaclabia myself, so what do I know? So I'm tossing this out there, vacation-style, to all the vaclabia-havers reading Slog: What do you think of the term "vaclabia," ladies? Does it work for you? Got something better?

 

Comments (253) RSS

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1
My daughter's male classmate (both five years old) has started talking about smelling her "yoni" (in the context of smelling butts and farts and other things that five-year-olds find fascinating). Creeps me out, personally, but apparently that's the term of choice in his household.

Her Mom and I just use "bits" as a gender-neutral catchall for genitalia.
Posted by Big Adventure Steve on August 4, 2011 at 1:52 PM · Report this
Enjua 2
I do not like "vaclabia," I do not like any of the pre-existing words, and I do not have a good alternative. I crave a sex-positive sounding word that covered both vagina and vulva.
Posted by Enjua on August 4, 2011 at 1:54 PM · Report this
Just Jeff 3
I'm a big fan of "coochie" or "cooch".

Cooch is cute. Cooch is your buddy. Cooch buys rounds of drinks for the gang.

Yep. Go with "cooch".
Posted by Just Jeff on August 4, 2011 at 1:54 PM · Report this
erin 4
I SO think we need a new, not baggage-y word for female genitals. She left out the horrific and anatomically incorrect "vagina" when referring to vulva, too.
I find no palatable word for what i have, everything does seem like a word a cheseball would use. Granted, I prefer the word "wang" when discussing the penis, so maybe we could just start fresh for everyone.
Posted by erin on August 4, 2011 at 1:55 PM · Report this
tjc 5
I don't think of vajayjay as "squeamish", I think of it as a silly modernizing / pop culture-izing of "vagina", kinda like "hizzle" and "hiz-owse" were (post- rap / "urban" originators).

"Vag" with a soft g?
"Pussy" is creepy? Never thought of the word that way, but as a gay man, maybe the actual item being referenced a little.

How about picking something in a foreign language? What's Spanish or French for "twat"? "La twah" or "La twatta"? Italian, perhaps?

"Minge" comes to mind too, but I think because to me it sounds like half of a bad sitcom duo, like "Mork and Mindy" -- "Mark and Minge-y" or something.

Just some random sober thoughts.
Posted by tjc on August 4, 2011 at 1:55 PM · Report this
duckee 6
Do not want.
Posted by duckee on August 4, 2011 at 1:55 PM · Report this
More, I Say! 7
Why can't a girl just get away saying "gash?"

But then, I'm the kind of girl who makes bleeding-axe-wound type of jokes.
Posted by More, I Say! on August 4, 2011 at 1:55 PM · Report this
8
Hey, I played the vaclabia in middle school band! I think I still have the mallets smewhere.
Posted by Actionsquid on August 4, 2011 at 1:55 PM · Report this
rara avis 9
No. Just no. There are already a million names for the genitals I possess and all of them are better than "vaclabia".
Posted by rara avis on August 4, 2011 at 1:56 PM · Report this
spamky 10
Inside-out penis
Posted by spamky on August 4, 2011 at 1:57 PM · Report this
11
At the doctor's office, it is my vagina. With my friends, it is my pussy. And when I'm having sex, it is my cunt. My god you better believe it is my cunt. And this guy and his girlfriend sound like total douchebags.

Seriously. Vaclabia sounds like a percussion instrument. I'd sooner refer to it as 'stink factory' than vaclabia. Good for them for not giggling like morons when they say it. They just sound asinine.

You can take my 'cunt' when you pry it out of my cold, dead hands. God yes I hope I've offended someone.
Posted by I like to read on August 4, 2011 at 1:57 PM · Report this
More, I Say! 12
Also, @5, the spanish word for cunt is "chocho." And fwiw, the middle-english common term was "cunny," hence "cunt."

But, Cunny! That sounds sweet, and beguiling! Cunning + Honey. Delightful!
Posted by More, I Say! on August 4, 2011 at 1:59 PM · Report this
erin 13
@5 i read in my high school french dictionary about lesbians being called "lentil-eaters", referring to clits as lentils, and i've been stewing over that for years.
Maybe some nice food-words would work?
NOT CANNED HAM.
Posted by erin on August 4, 2011 at 1:59 PM · Report this
14
Vaclabia sounds like a disease.

Cooch is cute, I guess. I tend to use pussy and don't see why it would be creepy. My sister also uses yoni with her little daughter - that strikes me as a little New Agey, but not bad if you want a non-sexual nickname.
Posted by tamar on August 4, 2011 at 1:59 PM · Report this
bleedingheartlibertarian 15
We give words too much power.
Posted by bleedingheartlibertarian on August 4, 2011 at 2:00 PM · Report this
bigg 16
Where I come from it's frequently a beaver or a cooter.
Posted by bigg http://biggblah.blogspot.com/ on August 4, 2011 at 2:00 PM · Report this
17
"Vaclabia" is actually the name of the place in Transylvania where Count Chocula's castle is.
Posted by Brooklyn Reader on August 4, 2011 at 2:00 PM · Report this
emma's bee 18
Not digging it. Sounds like someone is trying to hoover my fanny.
Posted by emma's bee on August 4, 2011 at 2:00 PM · Report this
More, I Say! 19
@13 Lentils...stewing....I see what you did there!

Another I just remembered: "pussy" en español is "coño," pronounced like "cone-yo." Also not bad.
Posted by More, I Say! on August 4, 2011 at 2:01 PM · Report this
20
Pussy is fine, and PUSSY is great. @1, a five year old who says yoni is destined to be a really, really fucking annoying person. Do your daughter a favor and discourage that friendship
Posted by whomever whilst have me on August 4, 2011 at 2:01 PM · Report this
21
"Vulva" needs a proper revival. (But then I drive a Volvo, so saying "vulva" doesn't make me giggly or squeamish in the least. In fact, I may as well refer to my vulva as my Cross Country.)
Posted by shefightslikeagirl on August 4, 2011 at 2:01 PM · Report this
erin 22
@12 i love "cunny" but feel like a total asshole when i say it. like "HUZZAH! Let us hie anon to thy boudoir posthaste with our d20s for some steamy RPG fun in our utilikilts"
which, no. not me.
Posted by erin on August 4, 2011 at 2:01 PM · Report this
WFM 23
Vaclav Havel would get royalties.
Posted by WFM on August 4, 2011 at 2:02 PM · Report this
Akbar Fazil 24
Pussy is creepy? Guess I better tell my wife who prefers that word above all others.
Posted by Akbar Fazil on August 4, 2011 at 2:02 PM · Report this
Afreet 25
"vaclabia" is terrible. I'm with @3. "Cooch", and perhaps even the slightly cutesier "coochie", are much better alternatives. My wife is pretty particular about the words used to describe her genitalia, and she generally goes with "cooch", or sometimes, "lady-bits" :)
Posted by Afreet on August 4, 2011 at 2:02 PM · Report this
balderdash 26
Couldn't you have come up with a better word instead of just another word? Not only does vaclabia sound bad, it also makes me feel kinda creepy.

Anyway, this all reminds me of this.
Posted by balderdash http://introverse.blogspot.com on August 4, 2011 at 2:03 PM · Report this
27
Friends of mine like the term "Vagine" (rhymes with "tagine", soft j sound for the g) I think it sounds nice and has no bad connotations to my mind.
Posted by yeti on August 4, 2011 at 2:04 PM · Report this
BEG 28
vaclabia is too many syllables, I think.

I grok the original wish -- a quick, positive over toned slang term for vagina. Bits comes closest, I think, but it's gender neutral and I'd like to see a positive work for vagina specifically.

Vajajay is simple stupid, and is way too close to vajazzling, both of which are current pop culture referents I could have lived my entire life without ever encountering.

I've always kind of liked snatch & muff, but there may be connotations with those words I'm unaware of. I know ppl who try to reclaim cunt, but I'm inclined to toss that one in the bin nearest n***** as pretty much unredeemable.

I don't think pussy is sinister, but I don't find it all that appealing.

I've come across yoni before (derived from another language) but it's fairly neutral for me. So, I haven't got good alternatives either.
Posted by BEG http://twitter.com/#!/browneyedgirl65 on August 4, 2011 at 2:05 PM · Report this
Fnarf 29
@11, I think you missed the signature on the letter.

How about "cooter"?

Google says "puki" in Filipino, "cony" in Catalan. Those are pretty good.
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on August 4, 2011 at 2:06 PM · Report this
Just Jeff 30
Reading through these comments I can't help but think that there might be a monologue somewhere in all this.
Posted by Just Jeff on August 4, 2011 at 2:08 PM · Report this
balderdash 31
@28, in context I cannot help but roll my eyes at your use of "grok."
Posted by balderdash http://introverse.blogspot.com on August 4, 2011 at 2:09 PM · Report this
erin 32
nopales? i always get snatchy feelings when i eat a nopales salad, and the sound of the word is great.
peach?plum?
I get turned on eating figs cuz they're so freaking sexual.
could i talk about my "lil figgy"?
Posted by erin on August 4, 2011 at 2:10 PM · Report this
BostonFontSnob 33
The 90's indie-comic-book Julie Doucet fans might recommend "plotte" which is fine by me. I also think 'betty" is an acceptable counterpart to "dick" or "johnson".
Posted by BostonFontSnob on August 4, 2011 at 2:11 PM · Report this
34
When I was a child, I spake as a child. When I became an adult, I learned to speak as one, as there is nothing wrong with a word like "vagina." I don't understand the need for slang when there are perfectly good words already available.
Posted by Little Brown Hen on August 4, 2011 at 2:12 PM · Report this
35
My cousin came up with "vanarge" when she was a kid. Not exactly what I would pick, but pretty hysterical coming from a 8-year-old who couldn't remember what a vagina was actually called. (It was in a conversation that began, "Hey, I know boys have penises, but what is it that girls have? I think it's a vanarge. I forget.")

I dunno, as an adult woman, I have no problem using pussy in intimate conversations. I believe my best friend calls it a "chatch." I've never been fond of that. But I tend to want to slap people who call it a "hoohoo" rather violently.
Posted by JrzWrld on August 4, 2011 at 2:12 PM · Report this
Jennifer in Chicago 36
After much discussion, my boyfriend and I named mine "Lilith".

@7

"Don't trust anything that bleeds for four days and doesn't die."

I also like to say she "bleeds like a stuck pig".
Posted by Jennifer in Chicago http://truthinessandbullshit.blogspot.com on August 4, 2011 at 2:12 PM · Report this
Jaymz 37
I now like both cooch and chocho - gonna ramp up my game and try them out. (Can't figure out how to make that neat Spanish "n" or I would also add cano which, unadorned, evokes that canned ham thing,,,,)
Posted by Jaymz on August 4, 2011 at 2:13 PM · Report this
38
@2 Vavulva?
Posted by cgd on August 4, 2011 at 2:14 PM · Report this
Vince 39
My parents used to call it a chookie, which is kind of sweet. (sounds like cookie with a ch)
It kind of stuck in my head.
Posted by Vince on August 4, 2011 at 2:15 PM · Report this
meanie 40
Around our parts we use the gender neutral and descriptive:

"junk"
Posted by meanie http://www.spicealley.net on August 4, 2011 at 2:15 PM · Report this
college dude from madison 41
Is cunt in this context really a loaded word? I always thought its offensiveness came from the fact that calling someone a cunt implies that they are little more than an orifice. As in:
"You're such a cunt" = Rude, vulgar objectifying and misogynistic.

"I love your cunt" = Rude, vulgar and hot! (Fun to say too)
Posted by college dude from madison on August 4, 2011 at 2:17 PM · Report this
42
Dan Savage calls it "a canned ham dropped from a great height."

Shouldn't you?

http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archive…
Posted by six five on August 4, 2011 at 2:17 PM · Report this
dwightmoodyforgetsthings 43
Vulva for the external, vagina for the internal, and cunt while you're fucking.
Posted by dwightmoodyforgetsthings http://www.reddit.com/r/spaceclop on August 4, 2011 at 2:19 PM · Report this
Anne18 44
Vaclabia sounds like a country in eastern Europe. Cunt, cooch, chocho - all awesome.
Posted by Anne18 on August 4, 2011 at 2:20 PM · Report this
45
AbFab coined the best slang for lady bits ever: "catbox." (Used in context when Eddie was hassling Saffi about "Dusting out the old catbox."
Posted by Gigolo Asshattin' on August 4, 2011 at 2:22 PM · Report this
balderdash 46
@42, sure, that's a great idea as long as you're someone who doesn't mind never seeing one again.
Posted by balderdash http://introverse.blogspot.com on August 4, 2011 at 2:22 PM · Report this
47
I hate cunny and much prefer cunt. Recently I've heard 'kitty,' which works better for me than pussy for some reason. For kids, can't both sexes just refer to their crotches?
Posted by EricaP on August 4, 2011 at 2:26 PM · Report this
hamish108 48
Also called 'concha' (conch) in Spanish, conchita is the diminutive/affectionate term. Pudenda is a rather hilarious Victorian term for it.
Personally, I vote for conchita.
Posted by hamish108 on August 4, 2011 at 2:29 PM · Report this
boxcar 49
I like pineapple
Posted by boxcar on August 4, 2011 at 2:30 PM · Report this
50
My lady and I use the term "Schwa".
Posted by NMSpaz on August 4, 2011 at 2:34 PM · Report this
51
When I was a child, I called it my front butt.

And I agree that vaclabia is just awful.
Posted by fishfacekiss on August 4, 2011 at 2:34 PM · Report this
nocutename 52
@22: you made me laugh so hard that bits of vaclabia (like baklava) came out my nose.
Now I must hie my cunny and the rest of my bodkin into yon bedroom forsooth, for my vestments need refreshing.
Thanks. I needed that.
Posted by nocutename on August 4, 2011 at 2:34 PM · Report this
53
I've always thought "love tunnel" is really classy.
Posted by also on August 4, 2011 at 2:35 PM · Report this
gladcow 54
Vaclabia reminds me too much of balaclava. And, while I suppose it is the headgear of choice when vaclabia eating, I just cannot agree that this word is the best choice.
Posted by gladcow on August 4, 2011 at 2:36 PM · Report this
J-Haxx 55
When talking about my quarter-inch of dangling fury to non-very close friends (and yes, that is an inside joke), I prefer cooch. Maybe we should put up a poll, I bet "cooch" will win.
Posted by J-Haxx http://defyaugury.livejournal.com on August 4, 2011 at 2:37 PM · Report this
56
Poonie. That's what I call my girlfriend's. Cute, endearing, perfect for us.
Posted by skv43 on August 4, 2011 at 2:41 PM · Report this
57
Yonis are only for hippies ... how about some good-ole time countryfied poon, maybe with a little tang on the tail dang it all.
Posted by Robby on August 4, 2011 at 2:42 PM · Report this
58
Now I can't even think it without the accent!

I like vulva and nibbly bits.
Posted by blah on August 4, 2011 at 2:44 PM · Report this
59
Vaclabia sounds like the name of a contraption men use to get off.
Posted by suddenlyorcas on August 4, 2011 at 2:44 PM · Report this
60
"a word that described a woman's genitals in a sexual sense that was positive and fun". What's wrong with you lesbo's anyway. The word you are looking for is... (insert drum roll please)... are you ready......(reinsert drum roll here).....the word you are looking for that is fun in a sex positive way is "COCKPIT". Yes, I know, I'm BRILLIANT!!!!!!.

COCKPIT works, it's fun to say and it's as apropos as anything. But wait, they're lesbo's, they don't like cock, you say. Yes, but they do like strap-on cock, at least they do in all the hot lesbo porn I see. Plus, think of the irony in lesbo's saying to each other "yeah, baby, rub your dirty litle face in my hot, wet STRAP-ON-COCKPIT", or just "COCKPIT" for short.

Go ahead, say it out loud; COCKPIT, COCKPIT, COCKPIT. Now say it in the dirtiest voice you use with your lover "eat my COCKPIT, Mary" or "Mary, you love it when I grind my COCKPIT in your face".

COCKPIT, it's a sure winner, ladies.
Posted by Ibentrudaropes on August 4, 2011 at 2:45 PM · Report this
61
a webcomic i read called "least i could do" suggests the word "vagoo" because it makes it sound more warm and inviting than "vagina" does.
Posted by douglas3 on August 4, 2011 at 2:46 PM · Report this
Fifty-Two-Eighty 62
If it was good enough for William Randolph Hearst, it's good enough for me.

"Rosebud."
Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty http://www.nra.org on August 4, 2011 at 2:47 PM · Report this
63
i like chach, downtown lady town, and cooter. in our house we use wang for both male and female genitalia. but front butt is pretty awesome, thanks 51!
Posted by nikibi6 on August 4, 2011 at 2:47 PM · Report this
64
+1 for cockpit. Using that ASAP.
Posted by skv43 on August 4, 2011 at 2:51 PM · Report this
seandr 65
"Muff" or "Kitty" are the terms LW is looking for.

Posted by seandr on August 4, 2011 at 2:55 PM · Report this
66
Vaclabia just makes me think of Vaclav Havel. Or balaclavas. I just say, "my lady parts" if I mean more than one of them.
Posted by Jen in Madison on August 4, 2011 at 2:55 PM · Report this
Allyn 67
I'm with #43.

It's a vulva. That's the name. It's a great name, too, it's lovely.

My mother didn't have a name for that area; we grew up referring to it (though rarely) as "crotch" - but that's ugly and harsh and unspecific. My kids are growing up knowing the names of their bits and boy's bits too. (Which made my mother uncomfortable when my potty-learning toddler talked about her vulva.)
Posted by Allyn on August 4, 2011 at 2:56 PM · Report this
Alison Cummins 68
Pussy.

In the lesbian movie “Go Fish” from 1994, they voted for honeypot. Also good. You guys should watch it.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Go_Fish_%28…
Posted by Alison Cummins http://cleanmyscreen.peghole.com/ on August 4, 2011 at 2:57 PM · Report this
NotSean 69
We sometimes call it 'business' or 'bidniz'.
Posted by NotSean on August 4, 2011 at 2:59 PM · Report this
dlauri 70
Wow. Yet another reason to be glad I'm gay. I'm all for women making their own choices about what to call parts of their anatomy, but I'm also glad that I will never find myself in a situation in which I need to use any of these terms.
Posted by dlauri http://www.davidlauri.com on August 4, 2011 at 3:00 PM · Report this
71
I vote for the Jamaican slang term pum pum. (Pronounced poom poom) In context: "Ya pum pum look fat, gyal!!!"
Posted by Vincent von Doom on August 4, 2011 at 3:02 PM · Report this
Nyckname 72
I'd say call it a hen (female chicken, since a cock is a male chicken), but that'll piss you and all other dykes off, plus straight feminist females, a lot of straight females who don't identify as feminists, and "sensitive" males of any orientation.

Which is actually my point. No matter what you call it someone is either going to laugh or be upset, so you have a choice of embracing one of the existing terms or come up with one that's just between the two of you and don't tell anyone else what it is.
Posted by Nyckname on August 4, 2011 at 3:07 PM · Report this
73
Yeah, we used to call it a "front bum" when we were kids, too. Or a "dingy", like the boat.

I'm OK with snatch, box, or twat. I've never liked "pussy", much.
Posted by agony on August 4, 2011 at 3:09 PM · Report this
Sketch 74
There is no problem that cannot be solved by musical theater!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgEXRKIZR…
Posted by Sketch on August 4, 2011 at 3:10 PM · Report this
lewlew 75
'nother gay man here: no opinion really. But not too long ago, the medical cannabis dispensary around the corner was selling Pussy Kush. Hm, I just had to try it. It was great! After that, I would tell my friends how much I love Pussy just to crack them up. Haven't seen it lately though, maybe they changed the name of it (see above).
PUSSY KUSH!
Posted by lewlew on August 4, 2011 at 3:14 PM · Report this
warreno 76
All these words, and no one mentions 'crumpet'? Heavens.
Posted by warreno http://www.nightwares.com on August 4, 2011 at 3:17 PM · Report this
77
Vaclabia doesn't quite work for me. My sweetie calls mine my "flower." Makes me smile every time.
Posted by lollylollylolly on August 4, 2011 at 3:21 PM · Report this
78
I can't believe no one's suggested punani yet. It's cute and fun, it refers to beautiful flowers in the literal sense, and I don't know any way to use it negatively.
Posted by Barefoot on August 4, 2011 at 3:22 PM · Report this
79
I'm glad OP and her lady have come up with a word that works for them, but ooh, it's not for me. For me, "vaclabia" brings to mind words like "autoclave" and "clitoridectomy" and "dysplasia". It conjures visions of some creepy procedure. The problem with it is that it unites three Latin words for "down there", and to me the Latin words are the creepiest words. They sound cold and medical, not like an instrument of sexytimes. The ideal word should be able to slip comfortably into everyday English vocabulary, which is impossible for a word full of clanking mispronounced Latin vowels.

Lately I've been partial to "cunt". I think that one is reclaimable, both as a positive and a negative. I've taken to calling women cunts where I might call a man a dick, as extreme examples of the worst assumptions about their gender. "Cunt", like "dick", feels to me like the most neutral, generic word for genitalia, and it's the word I use most often when I'm thinking of my own. The word "cooch" works as a slangier alternative. "Hoo-ha" is goofy but it works in an ironic way.

Bad words for "down there": "pussy" is played out thanks to bad porn. It sounds childish and sleazy. "Twat" is childish, ignorant and fearful, and it sounds too much like "plop". The new-ish "vadge" or "vag" would be fine if it didn't derive from the dread "vagina", see above. "Vajayjay" is just idiotic.
Posted by Prettybetsy on August 4, 2011 at 3:24 PM · Report this
Fnarf 80
After reading all this, I've decided to start calling it "Vaclav Havel".
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on August 4, 2011 at 3:28 PM · Report this
81
"Now I can't say "vaclabia" aloud without using a bad Transylvanian accent."

I VANT to SUCK your DICK! Luk into mah sliiiiiit!
Posted by MemeGene on August 4, 2011 at 3:30 PM · Report this
82
Maybe it's because I'm not a native speaker of English, but it always seemed to me that "pussy" was furry and warm and had all the niceness one could wish; but Prettybetsy above mentions a connection with porn, which may have changed that. Does any of you holy native speakers have the feeling that "pussy" could at least be reclaimed as the good term in the bunch?

Posted by ankylosaur on August 4, 2011 at 3:32 PM · Report this
83
For whatever it's worth... my wife and I find it nice/relaxing to refer to each other's genitals as children. I.e., my penis is "the boy", her vagina "the girl". (Since we speak Russian to each other rather than English, this comes out as мальчик and девочка, or, in transliteration, "malchik" and "dyevochka".)

I don't think it would be a workable solution in the sense of what the LW wanted (she doesn't want a metaphor -- actually, metonymy (actually, synecdoche) -- but a new word altogether). But I kinda like it. :-)
Posted by ankylosaur on August 4, 2011 at 3:36 PM · Report this
84
go back to not sending your letters to Dan
Posted by Doot on August 4, 2011 at 3:41 PM · Report this
85
@83 Wait, are you telling me the name of the band "Devochka" is really just "the girl"? Lame.
Posted by Big Adventure Steve on August 4, 2011 at 3:49 PM · Report this
tjc 86
I remember the cooter thing because it's the name of a turtle. Also the name of the mechanic on Dukes of Hazzard. I guess humans like naming their naughty bits after animals (cock, snake, cooter, beaver, pussy).

The hubby and I usually use penis or cock, but it's more a term of endearment rather than clinical: Ooh, nice penis! Or, Ooh -- peeeeeenis. (Said while pointing and smiling as one walks naked across the room.)

Otherwise, it's usually cock, or (rarely) dick. I suppose it's not super imaginative, but hey, it works for us.
Posted by tjc on August 4, 2011 at 3:59 PM · Report this
tjc 87
I also have to admit, especially now that I've been drinking a bit more, that many of these responses made me LOL.
Posted by tjc on August 4, 2011 at 4:01 PM · Report this
polygrrl 88
I use pussy and sometimes cunt, and I like it that they make me feel dirty ;)

But I had kind of forgotten about some other fun ones like cooch, cunny, and punani. Fun thread!

Have to agree with almost everyone here that vaclabia combines the words I already like the least, making them even worse. But it's clearly a very personal matter, and should be!
Posted by polygrrl http://www.polygrrl.com on August 4, 2011 at 4:01 PM · Report this
treacle 89
-1 for Vaclabia. Sounds like an ancient Mesopotamian tomb, a region in Austria-Hungary/Transylvania, or an STI. Eek. -1 also for 'junk'. Do not like. It ain't junk!

At my house we invent new words for my love's personal parts all the time:

pussoir
minou (I think I got that from French, actually)
mimsy
special flower
secret garden

..being the top faves we use. Although she does like cunny too. (Me not so much). Cunt, or the more vulgar 'hole' for our hot, dark, dirty times.

There is a ban on food-words though! Save for 'cookie' once in awhile.

I like 'vagine' too, with a french-accent on '-gine'.

Others from other languages:

yoni (from Sanskrit, the male part being the Lingam )
punani (Jamaican)
chatte (French)
Posted by treacle on August 4, 2011 at 4:05 PM · Report this
Certainly! 90
Eeew. "Vaclabia" sounds awful. Like an infectious condition.

At a girls summer camp the campers chose the term "power bundle" as their favorite to refer to the whole vulva. I like "lady bits" or, when I'm feeling goofy, "lady garden." While getting down and dirty "cunt" is the only alternative.
Posted by Certainly! on August 4, 2011 at 4:06 PM · Report this
tjc 91
"Vagine" I know from the tv show "Archer" but I'm sure it's been around for a while.
My antipathy towards "vaclabia" stems from the complete inclusion of "labia" in the term. I don't like acronyms that use an entire word, even if you're declaring that the L comes from "CLitoris" and you're really only taking "abia" from labia.

Also, the weird issue w/ "labia" being plural but "clitoris" and "vagina" being singular.
Posted by tjc on August 4, 2011 at 4:11 PM · Report this
92
What's wrong with vulva? That's the part we have the most contact with and is usually a more accurate description. We don't really see the vagina with spreading the labia, but when you think of camel toes, you're talking vulva. Go vulva!
Posted by stcrispy on August 4, 2011 at 4:13 PM · Report this
93
My boyfriend just calls mine a flower. And I kind of like yoni. Call me a hippie if you want. Not only does that not bother me, but it's also true. I don't think of "hippie" as a negative.
@60, cockpit is a stupid name. That's like saying women's vaginas have one purpose: pleasing males. Way to miss the point, jackass.
Posted by GlassMoon on August 4, 2011 at 4:14 PM · Report this
94
@60 has it right, it's a cockpit. Whether its a real cock or some other phallic shaped object, it goes in your cockpit.
Posted by Dr. Siri on August 4, 2011 at 4:15 PM · Report this
95
Vaclabia is even more cringe-inducing! Eesh.

As for alternatives, any of the Stranger's own "rename the vagina" entries are better, but my personal favorite has always been "Señorita Wences"

http://slog.thestranger.com/2005/12/re_t…
Posted by wombatistan on August 4, 2011 at 4:16 PM · Report this
saxfanatic 96
What a great thread. Too many gems to count, but some faves:

@8: Killing me!
@33: Though "plotte" is totally deprecating, it can be very useful. Like Celine Dion, it's one of Quebec's great gifts to North American culture.
@56: "Poonie" sounds like an animated Disney sidekick. I wish it were.
@80: Also killing me.
Posted by saxfanatic on August 4, 2011 at 4:18 PM · Report this
97
I tend to go with "cunny" It's suggests the slightly dirtier Cunt, but it's sort of the cute diminutive form, which seems to be less threatening for some reason.
Posted by cunnylover on August 4, 2011 at 4:30 PM · Report this
nocutename 98
Vulva is too pc.

Lady Garden is excellent, but I just can't imagine saying it.

Vaclavia reminds me of baclava, auto clave, Count Chocula, a country in the Balkans, some sort of horrific surgical procedure, and a glockenspiel-type instrument: no way would I ever use it for my simple little vagine.

I don't know what I say if I'm not talking to my kids (vagina, although, yes, I know it's a vulva I'm often talking about), doctor (vagina again), or sex partner (cunt: there's nothing like it for feeling dirty and sexy. The hard "c" like in "cock" is perfect, and there's a whiff of earthiness to it, too). Alright, I also like slit, hole, and snatch when I'm in the sex-fog.

Pussy bugs. Always has. Though I say it on occasion when I'm talking to a lover but not in the throes of sex.

But, jeez, Ankylosaur, could you have made my crush any deeper? Not only do you casually throw around Russian words, you put them here in Cyrillic. I'm one smitten kitten.
Posted by nocutename on August 4, 2011 at 4:30 PM · Report this
Ophian 99
Cunt as an erotic equivalent for Cock...its dirty and pokes that part of your brain that responds to expletives, and so is hot. Also, to my ear both Cunts and Cocks can kick ass.

Kitty isn't bad. I think it is the K initial [Cock, Cunt, Cunny] as opposed to the plosive Penis or Pussy.

Yoni is from Sanskrit, and Lingam is the male counterpart.

Pudendum, while having an erudite air is not acceptable: "that whereof one ought to feel shame". From the same root as impudent.

The essential issue is that the words [apart from there phonic appeals] pick up the connotation. So just as we cycle through words for minorities [I love _white_ folks that try to avoid referoing to anyone as "black"], lady-bits will tend to proliferate unsatisfying words as long as they are culturaly held to be weak, passive, lesser, &c.

And for anybody moaning that we give words too much power: that is not how it works. We are built to respond to the nuanced, enculturated content of words.
Posted by Ophian on August 4, 2011 at 4:31 PM · Report this
100
Someone finally said mimsy! (which is very silly but not cringe inducing)(so is ladygarden)

Meat curtains or piss flaps, if as someone said you never want to see one again.

I like cunt (boy do I). A powerful sounding word (would you rather be a whiny little bitch or a real cunt if you had to choose), it supposedly shares it's origin with cunning, kin, country, county and so on.
It also sounds like it can take a good pounding. Kitty is okay when women say it (but too passive) while a cunt has demands to make: it wants what it wants.
Posted by Sifu http://www.sifumark.com on August 4, 2011 at 4:36 PM · Report this
101
Another foreign language import: with my french gf we called it 'your sex'. I like the idea of re-nouning this word with one that has already many diverse meanings. As 'fuck' can be used in all kinds of gymnastic grammatical ways, so can sex: to have sex, sexy, sex (as gender), one's sex (male or female genitals)
Posted by SwissMiss on August 4, 2011 at 4:38 PM · Report this
camlux 102
In the spirit of The Cat In The Hat Comes Back, call it your Voom.
Posted by camlux on August 4, 2011 at 4:40 PM · Report this
103
Since I think the point of this exercise from the Lesbos in NY was to come up with a composite term for the wondrous variety of organs that make up the female genitalia, it reminded me of a conversation I had with a male friend in high school. After identifying both the clitoris and the vagina as part of the female anatomy (hey, not every high school boy can do that!), he asked me which was "most important."
When I said, "Uh, they're equally important," he actually said "That's not fair!" To which I smirked and said something along the lines of "Yeah, well, y'all got the short end of the stick."
The moral: I don't worry about a handy, inoffensive term for everything I've got in my pants. I'm just smug that I've got two holes AND the only organ evolved solely for pleasure!
Posted by Gigolo Asshattin' on August 4, 2011 at 4:41 PM · Report this
tjc 104
@101 -- Apparently in Britain they do too, at least if George Michael is to be believed as to what he wants in song.
Posted by tjc on August 4, 2011 at 4:42 PM · Report this
Sea Otter 105
I just remembered this from childhood:

Glory glory halleluiah
Teacher hit me with a ruler
So I hit her in the bean
With a rotten tangerine
And she ain't gonna teach no more


I actually kind of like the word "bean" for some reason, in a non-sexual context. It's definitely a kids' slang word, but it's a good one.

I used to have a boyfriend who called it a "punani" (apparently from Hawaiian). I hated the sound of the word, and his constant use of it actually made me want to fuck him a lot less. On the other hand, I'm just fine with "cunt" - a very old word in English, definitely older than "vagina," with cognates in many languages. I wonder if the perceived offensiveness of "cunt" has anything to do with it being a monosyllable with hard consonants, unlike the neutral - sounding "vagina" or the slithery "pussy." It's weird how just the sound of a word can affect you emotionally.
Posted by Sea Otter on August 4, 2011 at 4:52 PM · Report this
106
Vaclabia.... Makes me feel icky. How is that sexy? Too many consonants! How is pussy offensive? Or creepy? Cockpit is irritating, but I see nothing wrong with lady/man bits. Specific enough and it makes me giggle. Done deal! Lady bits in polite company and pussy in less-than-polite company... :)
Posted by Mer-Mer on August 4, 2011 at 4:59 PM · Report this
tjc 107
@105 -- I assume "bean" is head (cranium) in this (poetic) instance.
Posted by tjc on August 4, 2011 at 5:02 PM · Report this
108
@12 and 22

There is a passage in Pepys' diary where he writes something to the effect of "My wife accused me of sporting with the maid, and, indeed, I had my main in her cunny, but I WAS NOT sporting with her!"

Sorry I don't have an exact quote, but I'm at home, and my Pepys is at the office.
Posted by Clayton on August 4, 2011 at 5:05 PM · Report this
109
The funny thing about this, is a woman becomes her "insert vagina word here" while she's with a lover. They don't say, "your mimsy's gonna make me come!" or "Your yoni is so hot and tight, ugh, it's really squeezing the come right out of me."

Yea... no, they say, "YOU are gonna make me come!" or "You are so hot and tight, oh, god, you are so beautiful, ugh - you are ...uh, I'm ::unintelligible sex-grunt:: ..."

See why this is just a funny word play/exercise in futility!
Posted by chupacabra007 on August 4, 2011 at 5:08 PM · Report this
110
I call it my "little Georgia O'Keefe."
Posted by fotini901 on August 4, 2011 at 5:10 PM · Report this
111
I'm another one that wants to reclaim cunt. It's got just the right amount of harshness to make it sound right when you're fucking (although pussy, kitty, and co. sound just fine for flirting and foreplay, and ladybits, cooch, etc. work for me for non-sexy conversation). Besides, why should we let that word have the negative power it does? I mean obviously I'm more than my genitals, but why is calling me a cunt worse than calling a guy a dick, or calling either of us an asshole, unless there's something inherently bad about my genitals but not his? I get that there's still a portion of the population that wants to view women as baby factories and masturbatory aids, but, for example, at this point over 50% of doctors are women. We are winning. They are losing. It's time to reclaim custody of our cunts; we're far enough ahead in the fight that we can easily afford it.
Posted by Beguine on August 4, 2011 at 5:10 PM · Report this
Joe M 112
Vuvuzela.
Posted by Joe M on August 4, 2011 at 5:15 PM · Report this
113
Gosh. Ok, "vaclabia" is truly awful. Naming it makes my skin crawl (thumbs way down to "Lilith"). Every single cutsey obscure word like punani and yoni etc. Puke.

I am a traditionalist, and like dirty words during the act, like cunt and pussy, though I agree that pussy is a formerly icky word that's been reclaimed just through sheer everywhereness. I like how hip-hop is using "kitty," but might feel dumb using it in real-time. Gash and snatch and poon are all great, as is poon-tang and cooter, but not for during sex. Casually with friends, I use the Spanish chocha, sometimes 'bits'. I approve of "her sex" in fiction. I think the 'bean' rhyme from @105 meant hit in the head, not the choch, no?
Posted by Domina on August 4, 2011 at 5:18 PM · Report this
scary tyler moore 114
i can name that poon in two notes.
Posted by scary tyler moore http://pushymcshove.blogspot.com/ on August 4, 2011 at 5:19 PM · Report this
Fifty-Two-Eighty 115
I saw what you did there, STM.
Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty http://www.nra.org on August 4, 2011 at 5:33 PM · Report this
tjc 116
@109 -- and so do men, per your interpretation (which I COMPLETELY disagree with): Oh, you're gonna make me come! Oh, you feel so good inside me! Etc. And sometimes they don't: Your cock feels so good in me; I love the way your ass feels. If you continue your line of reasoning, why don't men say, "you're going to make my cock come" instead of "you're going to make ME come"?

I don't think that saying things like that reduces anyone to a specific body part. I disagree that this is an "exercise in futility" from that perspective (it is in the sense that there will never be consensus, nor should there really be).
Posted by tjc on August 4, 2011 at 5:38 PM · Report this
ForkyMcSpoon 117
Ladyparts, hoo-hah, front-bottom, slit, taco, etc.

In Swedish the vulgar terms are fitta and mutta (equivalent to cunt and twat, but only used in reference to genitalia, not as an insult), they also have slida (scabbard), mus (mouse), snippa, and, a particularly colorful one: skäggbiff (beard beef).
Posted by ForkyMcSpoon on August 4, 2011 at 5:44 PM · Report this
Geni 118
Bearded clam. Pink taco. Kittycat.

And, a little Eve Ensler for your afternoon:
In Great Neck, they call it a pussycat. A woman there told me that her mother used to tell her, “Don't wear panties underneath your pajamas, dear; you need to air out your pussycat.” In Westchester they called it a pooki, in New Jersey a twat. There's “powderbox,” “derrière,” a “poochi,” a “poopi,” a “peepe,” a “poopelu,” a “poonani,” a “pal” and a “piche,” “toadie,” “dee dee,” “nishi,” “dignity,” “monkey box,” “coochi snorcher,” “cooter,” “labbe,” “Gladys Siegelman,” “VA,” “wee wee,” “horsespot,” “nappy dugout,” “mongo,” a “pajama,” “fannyboo,” “mushmellow,” a “ghoulie,” “possible,” “tamale,” “tottita,” “Connie,” a “Mimi” in Miami, “split knish” in Philadelphia, and “schmende” in the Bronx.
Posted by Geni on August 4, 2011 at 5:50 PM · Report this
kim in portland 119
Kusse which is Danish.
Posted by kim in portland http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/11/fast-paced_video_provides_a_fu.html on August 4, 2011 at 6:08 PM · Report this
BritishRichard 120
Actually, fanny probably isn't used by any of us Brits once we're past the age of 14.

Flattered that you included us though :)
Posted by BritishRichard on August 4, 2011 at 6:14 PM · Report this
121
@96 Haha, Disney sidekick! Exactly. We've had many adventures together : )
Posted by skv43 on August 4, 2011 at 6:18 PM · Report this
samktg 122
@117, Mus refers specifically to the clitoris, but that's probably not news to you. I confused and amused my Swedish friend when I commented to his girlfriend that her mouse was extremely sensitive, not realizing I was referring to the one plugged into her laptop, and not the one between her legs.
Posted by samktg on August 4, 2011 at 6:25 PM · Report this
123
@76 "Crumpet" works--whatever helps him or her visualize a tasty snack.
@77 "Flower" I like. The hottest erotica I ever read was about a "flower" show.
@78 "Punani", no. I don't know the exact origin of it--on this thread we've seen Hawaiian and Jamaican--but it reminds me too much of "poontang", of which I also don't know the origin but which I associate with US soldiers in East Asia, and nobody wants to think about that during sex, or at least I don't.

"Box" is OK. There's nothing offensive about it, but it's not a very precise metaphor so it takes some mental gymnastics to use it. Not something that trips off the tongue. Same with "snatch". "Gash" is not bad in a graphic/ironic sort of way.

I like "kitty" as a substitute for "pussy". It's playful without being too childish, and it's not as threadbare as "pussy". "Pussy" makes me think of an old-time stripper in a feather boa, and not in a good way.

I also like the rap term "P", as the female counterpart of "D".
Posted by Prettybetsy on August 4, 2011 at 6:27 PM · Report this
samktg 124
@120, It's alive and well in the land of heather! At least among mature and serious uni students!
Posted by samktg on August 4, 2011 at 6:28 PM · Report this
125
Vaclabia? Seriously? GAK.

To the idiot who said "Cockpit": it's clever, but even as a woman who loves cock, I wonder what in hell makes you think we want our cunts named something derivative of male parts? Why don't we start calling your dicks "Cuntkeys"? Even the guys in the gay porn I watch like to stick their cuntkeys in warm wet places that are like cunts, so obviously, cuntkey is a brilliant choice!

I love lots of the words mentioned. I haven't seen the word "poose" mentioned. I LOVE POOSE!
Posted by apoptotic on August 4, 2011 at 6:35 PM · Report this
samktg 126
@117, re:122, looking at wiktionary, it notes that "mus" is Swedish slang for the female genitalia in toto. Perhaps it's a Malmö thing, as a reference specifically to the clitoris, or my friend was mixed up or imprecise with his English.
Posted by samktg on August 4, 2011 at 6:36 PM · Report this
Lose-Lose 127
@12, I believe there are 800 words in Spanish for "vagina", none of them I suggest we adopt.

I second "kitty", but I prefer to call it a "flower".
Posted by Lose-Lose on August 4, 2011 at 6:38 PM · Report this
piminnowcheez 128
@13: as a gay, male, vegetarian legumophile, that will just not do.

And of course as a gay male, my opinion doesn't matter much on this issue, but I always like "cooch" or "coochie" too, as it kind of balances earthy with cutesy (and now I like "chocho" too). I like "snatch" because it's funny; I didn't realize it was offensive. "Box" is funny too, but a little abstract. My mother always said "hoo-ha," which I like but I guess it's not so sexy. My grandmother referred to baby ladyparts as "tuzzy-muzzy," which turns out to be a real word for something else, believe it or not (I'll let you look it up)

@29: in the south, a cooter is a turtle. fwiw

@33 OMG, I *love* "betty." I am so using that from now on.
Posted by piminnowcheez on August 4, 2011 at 6:44 PM · Report this
snoozn 129
I agree with #16 that Vaclabia sounds like Count Chocula's castle.

When I was a kid my next-door neighbor (an older, wiser girl) called the lady-bits a "dilly." I passed this term along to my best friend. Our parents probably wondered why the two of us would collapse in laughter when we visited Dairy Queen and saw the signs that advertised their treats as "Scrump-DILLY-icious!"
Posted by snoozn on August 4, 2011 at 6:47 PM · Report this
130
I wouldn't import these into English, but in the spirit of general knowledge here is some Brazilian Portuguese. In the big southern cities the twat/vag/pussy/cunt is called a "buceta" (boo-SEH-ta). My dad says that's from an Italian word for a jewelbox. Hm, jewelbox, there's a word. The more country/northern/old-timey word is "xoxota" (show-SHAW-ta). You're welcome. "Dick" is usually "pau" (POW) i.e. "stick".
Posted by Safada on August 4, 2011 at 6:49 PM · Report this
T0mat0Ch33ks 131
I like the British "naughty bits" everybody has them, it includes all of them, and the term is genderless as males have them and so do women.
Posted by T0mat0Ch33ks on August 4, 2011 at 6:56 PM · Report this
Helenka (also a Canuck) 132
"Vaclabia"???
Seriously?????

Ugh. Right.

In a penetrative sense, it's going to be confusing.

"Fuck me in the vaclabia!"

"Uh ... you want me to fuck your clit? Labia? Ohhhh, your vagina. Well, why didn't you just say so?"

As for oral sex, it'll get confusing. "Tug on my vaclabia with your teeth."

"There?"

"No, not there. Don't you understand anything?"

And, on behalf of all those neglected g-spots out there, I demand to know why they weren't included in the convoluted word mashup.

I prefer clarity with my sexual activities, thank you very much!
Posted by Helenka (also a Canuck) on August 4, 2011 at 6:59 PM · Report this
The Wild Sow 133
In Korean it's Poji.
Posted by The Wild Sow on August 4, 2011 at 7:09 PM · Report this
--MC 134
Here's a song by the Treniers which you might like, and which is relevant to the discussion at hand.


www.youtube.com/watch?v=7OiQwV-b6a4
Posted by --MC on August 4, 2011 at 7:53 PM · Report this
DavidC 135
My wife and | use the word 'stuff' - works as both a noun and a descriptive verb
Posted by DavidC http://members.shaw.ca/karenanddavid/ on August 4, 2011 at 8:02 PM · Report this
136
"Toochie" was what my childhood best friend called it and three decades later, I find myself saying it to my toddler daughter.

BUT! I think @75 is on to something. I really like "kush" or "kushie". Think soft, comfortable, inviting, something you can sink into or curl up on or wrap yourself up in...

Hey baby, come get some of this wet, hot kushie!
Posted by @large on August 4, 2011 at 8:28 PM · Report this
137
@135, not sure I could say "stuff my stuff" without cracking up or making jokes about double-stuffs...
Posted by EricaP on August 4, 2011 at 8:39 PM · Report this
The Wild Sow 138
Rita Mae Brown calls it the Rubyfruit Jungle.
Posted by The Wild Sow on August 4, 2011 at 8:41 PM · Report this
aureolaborealis 139
Vaclabia sounds like a Hoover product for cleaning external female genitalia.

I like "mango," a euphemism of the Philippines and Micronesia, maybe elsewhere, too.

Isn't "cunt" the only word that's not a euphemism? (At least that describes the whole package ... I don't consider "lip" to be a euphemism, but maybe I'm wrong.) "Cunt" is based on the Latin for the body part. "Vagina" means "sheath" or "scabbard," which should be nice and disturbing to people looking for reasons to be disturbed.
(FWIW: "Penis" means "tail," or something like that)

I'm just sayin what I hoid ...
Posted by aureolaborealis on August 4, 2011 at 9:09 PM · Report this
Noadi 140
I'm a fan of cunt, especially with my boyfriend. It's a good, solid, old english word. With most everyone else I prefer "naughty bits" because I've watched too much Monty Python.
Posted by Noadi http://noadi.net on August 4, 2011 at 9:12 PM · Report this
aureolaborealis 141
I do like "concha," too.

Did anyone mention "Jade Gates?"
Posted by aureolaborealis on August 4, 2011 at 9:17 PM · Report this
142
Husband coined the term Yummia (always capitalized, as befits a nation or region). Upper Yummia is lower abdomen/pudendal region, Yummia Proper includes the outer and inner labia, and Inner Yummia is the vagina. Clitoris is something of a capital city that he calls alternately Mount Yummia or Button. Also, my mother (born in southern MO) always called the external female genitalia collectively a "tweep", and I've never heard another person use the term--is anyone here familiar?
Posted by rapunzel on August 4, 2011 at 9:24 PM · Report this
143
@139 I always thought "cunt" came from the old English "queynte" (I learned that from reading Chaucer in college) and was therefore a Germanic word. Wikipedia backs me up, for what that's worth.

The Wikipedia entry for "cunt" also has "cleft of Venus", which seems kind of sweet.

@142 "Yummia" with all its geography is absolutely fucking adorable. Nice work, you two.
Posted by Prettybetsy on August 4, 2011 at 9:33 PM · Report this
144
"Vaclabia?" I sincerely hope the letter is a fake.
I vehemently dislike "pussy" and "kitty" (although I've learned to put up with the former in my smut) because I own a cat. Even worse, my cat's name includes the word "kitty" in it.
I hate everything on the list, especially the food/plant/animal names. I want a name that means what I mean, not some half-baked name likely to sow confusion. At the moment, I make do with "cunt," although my search for a word I like better continues.
I'd also like to agree with everyone who mentioned not liking the correct Latin terms during sex. They don't sound sexy at all. Sure, for doctors, or kids who know that stuff, but not in the bedroom.
@#33 Betty is still a pretty common name. We ruined it for all the Dicks out there already, no need to be making it worse....
Posted by heartsinger on August 4, 2011 at 9:36 PM · Report this
145
OK, when I was a little girl, we called this girlspot a "whingding" -- and a boy had a "heggy." My brother insists that I mis-remember, and that a BOY has a "whingding" and a GIRL has a "heggy." We grew up in the same household for 15 years. Always used the same words. Probably explains why we're both gay. Somehow. (PS tits were called "deedle-dees." Or were those balls?)
Posted by laurax on August 4, 2011 at 9:42 PM · Report this
146
I'm calling mine "fnarf."
Posted by bootsy on August 4, 2011 at 10:06 PM · Report this
aureolaborealis 147
@143: I think they're both from "cunnus." They look like they might be homonyms.
Posted by aureolaborealis on August 4, 2011 at 10:26 PM · Report this
148
The word I like to use is tweeter, because it's cute and I imagine if it could talk it would make hi pitched sounds.
Posted by Soupersalad2000 on August 4, 2011 at 10:28 PM · Report this
aureolaborealis 149
@143: FWIW: A lot of German is from Latin, too. Kaiser, Caesar. Ist, est. Potato, potato.
Posted by aureolaborealis on August 4, 2011 at 10:47 PM · Report this
aureolaborealis 150
@143: Just looked at the wikipedia page, and I see where you're getting that from. I learned cunt was from cunnus in Latin class in college several thousand years ago, but I suppose there's a scramble to claim words like that. I suspect that whether or not Latin was the source, these words (queynte, cunt, kunte, cunnus, etc.) all share a common ancestor. Too many similar words that mean the same thing.
Posted by aureolaborealis on August 4, 2011 at 11:19 PM · Report this
feministdykewhore 151
I love the term "vulva". It's a very sexy, smooth, full-sounding word.

I definitely agree with the Letter Writer about "pussy". I just can't feel comfortable calling my cunt a pussy. Pussy is an insult people throw at men who they feel should be "more manly". My cunt is not weak, and it's not a coward.
I like "cunt" because it's a visceral, primal word. It packs a punch; it's powerful. And unlike pussy, it isn't used as an insult for someone who is weak, it's used as an insult for someone who is strong - a jerk.
Posted by feministdykewhore on August 4, 2011 at 11:31 PM · Report this
152
@143, 149: cunt (female intercrural foramen, says the OED) is indeed Proto-Germanic (cf. Dutch kont, M.Eng. cunte, Old Norse kunta; reconstructed PG form *kunton). The origin before that is disputed; the form is indeed similar to Latin cunnus (from which French con), but the Germanic sound laws make it impossible for it to be the same word (Latin c should correspond to English h via Grimm's law, e.g. Latin centum, English hundred). Some suggest that it's a borrowing, but it's difficult to determine the directionality, i.e. whether Latin borrowed cunnus from PG *kunton or some descendent thereof, or vice-versa. (I can more easily see Roman legionaries borrowing it from the Germanic barbarians they were fighting than the other way round, but hey, that's not proof, just me speculating). Beyond Proto-Germanic, there are several theories: some suggest as the original source the Proto-Indo-European (PIE) base *geu- "hollow place", others suggest *(s)ker 'to cut' (perhaps via 'sheath' -- Latin vagina actually meant 'sheath'). A third possibility is PIE root *gwen 'female, woman' (from which Greek γυνέ (gyne) 'woman', and also Engl. queen, originally 'woman', later only 'king's woman/wife'). I find this third hypothesis the more aesthetically pleasant, since it would imply that cunt and queen are both forms of what originally was the same word.

The first attested occurence of cunt, by the way (again, says the OED) is from c.1230, a street name in Oxford, Gropecuntlane, presumably an area of prostitution.

As you can see, I love etymology (it's part of my day job). In case you also do, there's this great site for English etymology, www.etymonline.com -- check it out! (This link will take you directly to the cunt article).

@98 (nocutename) -- at your service! Hm, if I knew using Cyrillic would deepen crushes, I'd have done it earlier. How do you feel about Greek letters (ευρέκα!), or Devanāgarī (देवनागरी), or Hiragana? (これはなにですか) :-)
More...
Posted by ankylosaur on August 4, 2011 at 11:36 PM · Report this
feministdykewhore 153
My favorite silly term for a woman's naughty bits is "a woman's intricacy." Just thought I'd share. =)
Posted by feministdykewhore on August 4, 2011 at 11:38 PM · Report this
154
Creeps me out.
I just call it my "lady parts".
Posted by niko4ever on August 4, 2011 at 11:49 PM · Report this
155
My sister-in-law calls it her coup ("coo"), which at first I thought was a self-censored version of cooch. At some point we were discussing the various names and she explained that her favorite name for it is "coup" because hers is revolutionary. Coup d'état!
Posted by rozrawrz on August 5, 2011 at 12:05 AM · Report this
STS 156
I call mine Audrey II, lol.. Creeps both of my partners out in a hilarious way- especially when I use it as a puppet and say, "FEED ME, SEYMOUR!" *evil cackle*
Posted by STS on August 5, 2011 at 12:24 AM · Report this
erin 157
@52, pleased to be of service. i have been thinking about "cunny" all day, and i might just have to force it into my vocab out of my own nerdiness and so maybe i can actually say that some day. without the utilikilts, though.
Posted by erin on August 5, 2011 at 12:25 AM · Report this
Regular Polyhedra 158
I heard "vaclabia" in Zoidberg-voice, myself, but I can totally hear the bad Transylvanian, too. Though I don't see what's wrong about using the proper terms in a general (non-sexy) conversation, since presumably you're not talking about your girlbits with people who are strangers. My vagina is my vagina, my outer labia are my outer labia, et cetera. I also don't see how "pussy" is creepy. Maybe you're just oversensitive, LINY.

Everyone should feel ashamed for saying "vajayjay". There is never an appropriate time to use it, unless you are trying to get someone to punch you in the dome.
Posted by Regular Polyhedra on August 5, 2011 at 1:19 AM · Report this
159
I just say vulva. That's what it is. :) When I want to be more sexy, I say cunt.
Posted by Brie on August 5, 2011 at 1:27 AM · Report this
160
Not really apt for lesbians, but I found someone else's (awhile back) suggestion "Pee-Wee's Playhouse" to be funniest.

What do we do? We obey the author's dictum of 'show, don't tell'---we just never have call to call whatever by name...we don't use each other's names, either, now that I think of it, quite enjoyable really because I at least associate being named with being commanded (by parents, teachers, preachers, and other bosses), and I'm not into that, in the bedroom or out of it.
Posted by Anti-Authoritarians Anonymous on August 5, 2011 at 1:35 AM · Report this
161
Or how about "The Love Shack"?
Posted by Anti-Authoritarians Unanimous on August 5, 2011 at 1:38 AM · Report this
Los_del_Mango 162
"Vulva" is a terribly goofy sounding word, but it's one I make a point of using - the awkwardness makes it a talking point, which lets you explain -why- calling the whole shebang a 'vagina' is such a dreadful and damaging idea.
Posted by Los_del_Mango on August 5, 2011 at 2:06 AM · Report this
Los_del_Mango 163
Incidentally, our use of "fanny" as slang for the vulva makes your name for what we'd call a bum-bag - the "fanny pack" - sound like some sort of ambitious pornographic manouver. "Everybody take five, then we'll go for the fanny pack."
Posted by Los_del_Mango on August 5, 2011 at 2:08 AM · Report this
164
Ankylosaur has swept the floor, the chairs are on the tables, turn the lights out when you leave.
Aleister Crowley and John Crowley knew (and know) so much about language.

Cheers!
Posted by Sifu http://www.sifumark.com on August 5, 2011 at 2:40 AM · Report this
165
"Shuddering beef curtains."

And I've never met anybody who used "fanny" past primary school age. It gets awkward once you start to realise that it was (and still occasionally is) a female first name.
Posted by Rei on August 5, 2011 at 2:49 AM · Report this
166
I kind of like the anatomical latinate phrase, mons veneris; literally mount of Venus. Mons for short. In anatomy it is the bump of tissue on top of the pubic bone which, I think most would agree, gives the region a good part of its visual character. There is an excellent probably NSW illustration in the Wiki entry under the phrase.
Posted by late night on August 5, 2011 at 2:50 AM · Report this
167
@134-I'm glad someone mentioned the Treniers classic tune. I can't think of a song that expresses a more joyous enthusiasm for lady parts than that (but if anyone can, I encourage you to list below).
Posted by Pablo Picasso on August 5, 2011 at 3:27 AM · Report this
168
@12 you said what I was thinking... bring back cunny! so much friendlier sounding than cunt.. that said, I haven't actually managed to even use it in my own life, between my BF and I it's my pussy, or when talk is getting dirtier, my cunt, otherwise it's 'me bits'

I deeply hate vajayjay (even more than gash etc) thankfully it's an americanism that hasn't really invaded the UK too much as yet
Posted by UK girlie on August 5, 2011 at 4:32 AM · Report this
169
I will never, ever, EVER like cunt or pussy. Cunt to me sounds angry and vulgar in a really non-sexy way. Pussy I understand about as much as I get why "rabbit" vibes always seem to be shaped like dolphins or some other animal. Does it have to look like a koala?

And yet, I have no problem with cock. Which leads me to believe that the heart of my discomfort is too much exposure to the words cunt and pussy in a dehumanizing and misogynist way. Whereas I'm used to seeing cock primarily as a way for gay men to impress each other. :)

I've seen the vagina monologues a dozen times and yet, pussy still to me feels like a skeevy term that should have been left behind decades ago, and cunt is great for protest marches but I can't get anything sexy out of it. @130 I kind of like jewelbox, though. I respect my jewel box and it's where I put my treasures... Ultimately, I'm glad people have so many options.
Posted by TB on August 5, 2011 at 5:05 AM · Report this
Snappertuna 170
The Finns call it "vittu," although that has become more of a nonspecific curse word, a la "fuck." More specifically, they call it "pillu" (a little harsh for my ears). Little girls call it "pimppi."
Posted by Snappertuna on August 5, 2011 at 5:05 AM · Report this
171
Why not oyster? It's a delicacy, it can be a little hard to get into, there's a pearl in it that's good to find, it's something some people are squeamish about eating, it's best eaten when fresh, and you have to watch out for red tides.
Posted by Ivan on August 5, 2011 at 5:40 AM · Report this
172
Sorry, still sounds like some musical instrument from a Jane Austin novel.

"As Eliza sat and began to play upon her vaclabia, all the gentlemen gathered around to admire and remark most favorably upon her technique, expressing the hope she would play for them often, much to the dismay of the other women in the party."

Although, that would also fit in the other context, too, but would be an entirely different sort of novel.
Posted by Lymis on August 5, 2011 at 5:46 AM · Report this
173
I like how much you can tell about people's sex lives from their preferences on this. Who barely talks when they fuck, who talks a LOT, who tells stories, who goes for porn-style fantasies, who likes their female sexuality softly feminine (floral...), who likes it raunchy....
Posted by diner mo on August 5, 2011 at 5:56 AM · Report this
174
vaclabia is a medical procedure my yiddish grandparents underwent before they left the old country.

say vajay! adding the extra syllable is silly, and makes me feel like a super effeminate gay man. saying vajay is cool. not in bed though, in bed I say pussy, partially cause its all I've got and partially for the camp.
Posted by layladylay on August 5, 2011 at 6:11 AM · Report this
vitupera 175
Call it whatever you want, but when I read "vaclabia" my mind immediately jumped to McDonald's sandwiches. So, uh, I probably won't be using that one.
Posted by vitupera on August 5, 2011 at 6:12 AM · Report this
176
I forgot, also my friend told me that in Swahili its (I think) kuma--say it, kuma, it just feels like you're about to put your lips on someones pussy/kuma.
Posted by layladylay on August 5, 2011 at 6:16 AM · Report this
177
I haven't seen any snatch yet, or did I miss it?
Posted by Dr. Siri on August 5, 2011 at 6:26 AM · Report this
Los_del_Mango 178
@176 Now -that's- a good word. It's a winner as far as I'm concerned.
Posted by Los_del_Mango on August 5, 2011 at 7:32 AM · Report this
179
Have we really gotten to 177 comments without anyone suggesting Muffin?
Posted by It's a muffin! on August 5, 2011 at 7:52 AM · Report this
180
The word "quaint" was originally a term for your lady bits. Chaucer used it and then we changed it, but historically it was a nicer way of saying "cunt" (which is what people who spoke middle english would have called a vagina, as they didn't have the latin).
Posted by aeriadne86 on August 5, 2011 at 8:06 AM · Report this
ilikeu 181
It sounds clinical. A condition or injury caused by vacuums getting too close to labias?
Posted by ilikeu on August 5, 2011 at 8:32 AM · Report this
182
I think we all have such different feelings towards our vaginas from day-to-day that we have to have a lot of different words. "Vagina Monologues" did a really excellent humorous job of illustrating this. Sometimes my vag is a awesome and beautiful, sometimes it is sexy, sometimes it is a real bitch, sometimes it is tender and other times it is fierce. Sometimes it is the best gift the Goddess gave me and sometimes it ruins my favorite underwear. So I need to be able to call it differently on different days. Today my vagina is being a right cunt, so that's what I'll call it. But maybe tomorrow she'll be a rosebud, who knows?

Sex-positive sometimes means no-baggage and nice-sounding, but when it comes to vaginas it really needs to mean "able to express and encompass all the variability and complexity of the female sex organs". I therefore reject the need for a single word but welcome the introduction of new words (yoni is new to me, for example-- is that when my vag is feeling youthful and mischievous? I like it)
Posted by wxPDX on August 5, 2011 at 8:38 AM · Report this
183
Isn't "vagine" what Borat called it?
Posted by mmrs on August 5, 2011 at 8:41 AM · Report this
John Horstman 184
Hmm, I think Eastern European instrument when I hear "vaclabia".

"Vajayjay" needs to die a thousand deaths; it brings up images of hopelessly materialist upper-middle-class women who think liberation means the ability to buy-into the latest idiotic fashion fad and get free drinks from men at bars, while still being so uncomfortable with their own bodies that they can't discuss them without resorting to slang terms that an eight-year-old would find childish (reduplicated syllables are a common feature of child languages e.g. "choo-choo", "woof-woof", "mama", "papa", "bye-bye", etc. and will therefore always sound childish to me, which is fucking creepy when it's attached to sex).

"Pussy" has so many different uses and connotations that at this point I find the meaning attached to it to be entirely context-dependent, so it's my preferred term when not trying to be technical. "Cunt" is good for sex - it works well with "fuck" as it has the same vowel and "k" sound.
Posted by John Horstman on August 5, 2011 at 8:57 AM · Report this
185
Revising language is a fool's game. The moving target for, ahem, feeble-mindedness, reads like the book of Genesis - moron begat idiot, begat retarded, begat mentally challenged, begat intellectually disabled, begat developmentally delayed.

As for an alternate word for the female genitals, why not go to the classics: "la figa", Italian for "the fig". And il dottore has it on his leathers - which have no doubt seen enough of la figa themselves.
Posted by TokenCanadian on August 5, 2011 at 9:20 AM · Report this
Fnarf 186
@180, no, he was using it as a pun. "Quaint" originally meant "cunning, proud, ingenious".
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on August 5, 2011 at 9:47 AM · Report this
BEG 187
@31 lol, hadn't even thought of that :D

I'd forgotten about chocha and conchita -- I'd vote for conchita as well (derives from shell, which makes visual sense). But if you don't know spanish, it might not appeal (in the same sense as the italian, swedish, etc mentions, while interesting, don't appeal to me either).

I find it interesting that english words for vagina are generally insulting or ugly, while english words for breast can be both insulting and fun (I mean, we call people "boobs" but c'mon "boobies" is such a fun word!)

I think pussy is mostly overused -- could be the porn and written erotica aspect (speaking of which, if I read of a "throbbing shaft" one. more. time. ...).
Posted by BEG http://twitter.com/#!/browneyedgirl65 on August 5, 2011 at 9:52 AM · Report this
188
I was going to mention that Chaucer's "quaint" wasn't really the contemporary word for "vagina", but Fnarf beat me to it above.

Interesting to see so many different takes on the various word for membra mulierum in this list. Should I offer the corresponding words from my own native language (Brazilian Portuguese)? Somehow, they all sound insulting to me, in a deep-down way that isn't the case (ever noticed how using foreign words for your naughty bits is always funny -- even if the word is felt as offensive by native speakers? I've always thought you can tell someone's native language by seeing how they react to 'naughty words' in it: by blushing or by laughing).

In case anyone is interested... Eng. vulva is a learned borrowing from Latin vulva, earlier volva, meaning 'womb, female sexual organ', but literally 'that which wraps, wrapper', from Lat. volvere 'turn, twist, roll, revolve' (cf. Engl. related words involve, revolve, evolve, devolve), apparently from the Proto-Indo-European basis *wel- 'turn, revolve', with derivatives referring to curved, enclosing objects (e.g., Sanskrit valate 'turns around', ulvam 'womb, vulva', Lithuanian valtis 'twine, net', apvalus 'round', Old Church Slavonic valiti 'roll, welter', vluna 'wave', Greek eluo 'wind, wrap', helix 'spiral object', eilein 'turn, squeeze'; Gothic walwjan '(to) roll', Old English wealwian 'roll', weoloc 'whelk, spiral-shelled mollusk', Old High German walzan 'to roll, waltz' (hence waltz), Old Irish fulumain 'rolling', Welsh olwyn 'wheel'.

Who would have guessed that vulva, helix and waltz are all descendants of the same Proto-Indo-European root? :-)

---

(OK, OK, Brazilians call it "boceta". OK, I've said it, I've said it, now I can take the fingers out of my ears, phew.)
More...
Posted by ankylosaur on August 5, 2011 at 10:22 AM · Report this
Foggen 189
Vaclavia is a horrible word. Go archaic and call it "quim".
Posted by Foggen on August 5, 2011 at 10:49 AM · Report this
dwightmoodyforgetsthings 190
@158- "I heard "vaclabia" in Zoidberg-voice, "

He's an expert in human anatomy, after all...
Posted by dwightmoodyforgetsthings http://www.reddit.com/r/spaceclop on August 5, 2011 at 11:02 AM · Report this
191
I am glad that lesbian couples have enough equal rights in this country that they have nothing better to do. Clearly they are allowed to marry and have the same rights as heteros in the US.

Wait, what, they don't? Then these silly wenches should be ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES.
Posted by Kylere on August 5, 2011 at 11:12 AM · Report this
192
It's cunt. All cunt, all the way.
Posted by doyle on August 5, 2011 at 12:07 PM · Report this
Simple 193
Chi chi is what we use works great. don't like the mash-up sounds violent.
Posted by Simple on August 5, 2011 at 12:08 PM · Report this
194
recently i was a party to a circle of introductions that involved, "Hi, my name is _____, and i call my junk ______." my favorite was 'gennies'. you know, your gennies, your genitals. gender neutral, not derogatory, and not weird or gross (to me, anyways). but of course, all that stuff has to do with your audience. vaclabia sounds like a kind of injury or an illness, i am surprised to learn that anyone would think this worked for them, but whatevs. JUST DON'T CALL MY JUNK THAT, ok? thanks!
Posted by novabird on August 5, 2011 at 12:33 PM · Report this
theInvisibleDick 195
@184 nice nuanced point at the end there. Also totally agree with your sociological spin on "vajayjay", because it IS awful and was propagated by Sex In The City.

My Humanities professor would always discourage Latinate forms in writing. For the same reasons expressed here: "too clinical." So what about turning to the Greek for μουνί (mouni) which renders as "pussy"?
Posted by theInvisibleDick on August 5, 2011 at 12:34 PM · Report this
kim in portland 196
@ 188 ankylosaur,

I always smile. Maybe, that says something about me? But, I'm hard to offend. I find I prefer to use the language of where I am, even when my accent is poor and my grammar is sad. I dag er det danske, fordi jeg er uden for København bor hos familien.

Hej hej.
Posted by kim in portland http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/11/fast-paced_video_provides_a_fu.html on August 5, 2011 at 12:36 PM · Report this
debug 197
I've heard some kids on the net calling it a squish-mitten.

You have to start loving your vaginas, ladies, and the standard names will seem fine. You can keep coming up with pseudonyms for it but it's still that crazy looking thing that sits between your legs.

(as opposed to that goofy looking thing that sits between mine :-)
Posted by debug on August 5, 2011 at 12:41 PM · Report this
Kitts 198
Clearly only a legally binding Slog poll will resolve this issue.

I will not be voting for vaclabia.
Posted by Kitts on August 5, 2011 at 12:44 PM · Report this
199
@ 196 kim,

Hej! Det er dejligt at høre, at du er her i Europa! Mit dansk er ikke godt (jeg srkiver svensk, og derefter skifter jeg ord til dansk :-), men det er nok til at sende dig denne hilsen.

Hav det sjovt met din familiebesøg!
Posted by ankylosaur on August 5, 2011 at 12:52 PM · Report this
200
My favorite euphemism: Ladybits.

As in, the bits that ladies have, and gents don't. Although I suppose that term isn't exactly fair to trans-ladies.

Posted by a crushing disapointment on August 5, 2011 at 1:02 PM · Report this
kim in portland 201
@ ankylosaur,

Tak meget. Mit dansk er ikke særlig god, er heller ikke min italienske. :-)

Jeg sender dig en SLOG kys i vinden, forventer, at den ankommer på din venstre kind.

Venlig hilsen til dig og din familie.
Posted by kim in portland http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/11/fast-paced_video_provides_a_fu.html on August 5, 2011 at 1:12 PM · Report this
202
@155 eww "coup" is "cut" in french.

I vote for "cunt" and "front-bum"
Posted by Doot on August 5, 2011 at 1:16 PM · Report this
203
@186 and 188 if you read the OED (the only dictionary that matters) they define quaint as an archaic word for the female external genitals and then reference the miller's tale and that of the wife of bath. yes, he was using it as a pun, but it is a pun that works on multiple levels.
Posted by aeriadne86 on August 5, 2011 at 2:48 PM · Report this
204
Scanned them all and haven't yet seen 'mound' as in pubic mound. It works okay in a phrase like, "I gently cupped her mound as we drifted off to sleep."

Otherwise, previously mentioned terms like naughty bits, lady parts, coochie, cunny, cooter, vulva, and the amusing 'front butt' (which is new to me) are all pretty good, and much better than the hopeless vaclabia.

The problem with the vagina-specific terms is just that--the vagina is just one part of a lady's genitalia.

Confidential to the handful of 'cockpit' fans: the original LW is a lesbian. How many lesbians are going to want to incorporate 'cock' into their sexuality?

Posted by Functional Atheist on August 5, 2011 at 3:05 PM · Report this
205
"Cunt" in the heat of the moment, "pussy" more generally in a sexual but not "do me right now" moment, "naughty bits" in polite company. Of course, my semi-sexual best friend talks about doing stuff to my "junk" and I find it adorable, but not sure I would from anyone else . . .
Posted by Kinky Ana on August 5, 2011 at 3:06 PM · Report this
206
I am glad that I have no such hang ups about my cunt that I can choose to call it that and not have to resort to making up such ridiculous names.
Posted by Giveittomebaby! on August 5, 2011 at 4:06 PM · Report this
207
Pussy for the hot and heavy in-the-act moment, lady parts for casual conversation. Cock for the hot and heavy in-the-moment act, dick for casual conversation.
Posted by Sarah in Olympia on August 5, 2011 at 5:34 PM · Report this
208
I don't like vaclabia. It sounds like it might rhyme with baklava. Or like it might be an unfortunate medical condition of the labia.
Posted by Suzy on August 5, 2011 at 6:56 PM · Report this
209
All kinds of funny comments. thanks for making me spit coffee on the screen, team.

To the LW- the thing about cute, funny, private names for your partners genitals is that they are PRIVATE.

I don't like yours. But hell, you wouldn't like mine. (The genitals, or the nicknames, I imagine.)

Me
Posted by Docme on August 5, 2011 at 8:06 PM · Report this
210
this has already been figured out. the term with no baggage is "jane"
Posted by beafdog on August 5, 2011 at 8:51 PM · Report this
211
a fine term in limited use (with no awful connotations to speak of) is "jane"
Posted by beafdog on August 5, 2011 at 8:58 PM · Report this
emphster 212
This has been one of my favorite Savage Love threads ever - who'd have thought the nomenclature for [insert your preferred female genitalia descriptor here] would generate such a raucous discussion?
My personal favorites are: MANGO (juicy,sweet,sexy,silly) and KUMA (that was a new one to me and I love the mouthfeel of it, although it also makes me think of kumbaya, which is an odd connotation).
As for what I actually use: Nether-regions/bits/parts in semipolite company, vagine or vagina (but always in a half-joking manner) with my beau, and pussy or cunt in my head during fantasytime. But never out loud!
Posted by emphster on August 5, 2011 at 10:59 PM · Report this
emphster 213
And thank you for mentioning QUIM! I'd forgotten about that one - has anyone else read The Dress Lodger by Sheri Holman? That's what introduced me to the term. What a fucked story line!
Posted by emphster on August 5, 2011 at 11:02 PM · Report this
214
One more:

Clunge!

Sounds like what it does, it clunges onto you. The word is neither terribly sexy nor particularly offensive, so not very useful except in casual conversation with close friends, sorry.
Posted by Sifu http://www.sifumark.com on August 6, 2011 at 1:11 AM · Report this
215
I call mine a Gunya (pronounced "GOON-ya").
Posted by beanchick777 on August 6, 2011 at 7:44 AM · Report this
nocutename 216
This has been a fun thread, and I have liked hearing or learning of such clever names.

I always enjoy neologisms--and the level of this discourse, being a Slog discourse, is impressively high at times, too. All the etymologies, people discussing the origins of "queynte," side conversations in Danish.

But it's actually kind of sad that people feel so uncomfortable with their genitals that they deliberately come up with alternate words. I mean, no one wonders what he should call his elbow because the word is so full of negative associations; I've never heard a woman say she hates the word "neck" to describe that part of her body and is trying to find an acceptable substitute.
Without getting too "Womyn's Studies" about it all, I do think that there is a lot of internalized misogyny at play when women are more uncomfortable with all the words for their words for their genitals and feel so negatively about them. It's one thing to come up with a funny, or clever word for fun, or to bestow a nickname on a partner's genitals; it's another to be actively disgusted by common words such that you feel the need to create a euphemism.

I also think it is interesting that while "dick" and "prick" can be used neutrally as a body part name, they are also pejoratives, whereas "cock" has no negative usages. I mean, we can call someone the cock of the walk or describe him as cocky, but that means he's over-confident and has a bit of swagger, not necessarily always bad things--and arguably, sexy, too, to some people. But while there are similarly negative usages for "pussy" and "cunt," there is no equivalent to "cock" for a woman's vagina--that is, a vulgar word that is sexy and doesn't have a derogatory usage, let alone one that connotes super-confidence. Or do we, and I am just forgetting about it?

And lastly, can we stop with the prevalence of "junk?" Junk is garbage; junk has no value; junk is something I want to get rid of; junk is often broken stuff. Junk is almost worse than vaclabia.
More...
Posted by nocutename on August 6, 2011 at 8:48 AM · Report this
217
I'm partial to "Lawrence of Alabia."
Posted by Jo4nna on August 6, 2011 at 8:51 AM · Report this
The Beatles 218
"Vaclabia" sounds like some obscure electronic instrument that a band like Kraftwerk might have used in the 1970's.

All things considered, I say stick with pussy.
Posted by The Beatles on August 6, 2011 at 9:20 AM · Report this
Roma 219
Vaclabia is awful. It sounds much more technical than vagina.

And pussy is creepy? Never heard that from a woman (a straight woman) before. Is that a lesbian perspective?

Among the women I've been with, those who have been fine with cunt have been the sexiest and most open lovers. Perhaps a lack of inhibition with words translates to a lack of inhibition overall?

Posted by Roma on August 6, 2011 at 9:55 AM · Report this
Roma 220
216/nocutename: . . . whereas "cock" has no negative usages [...] there is no equivalent to "cock" for a woman's vagina--that is, a vulgar word that is sexy and doesn't have a derogatory usage, let alone one that connotes super-confidence. Or do we, and I am just forgetting about it?

nocutename, there is a way that cock is used pejoratively -- in the British term "cock-up": a blunder, a confused situation -- but few Americans use that term (or have even heard of it) and it's not the same level of negativity as in using it as a noun, like referring to someone as "a dick" or "a prick."

I've always preferred hearing "cock" from a woman instead of "dick" or "prick." To me, "cock" has a more robust and sexy sound to it but perhaps my preference also stems, subconsciously, from what you noted: that there is no pejorative use for "cock."

And you're right, there isn't any equivalent to "cock" for a vagina. It would be nice if there was one.

I completely agree with your disdain for "junk." A horrible term.

Posted by Roma on August 6, 2011 at 10:15 AM · Report this
nocutename 221
Roma: I forgot about cock-up! But it's still not the same thing. You don't call a person you despise a cock-up.
A blunder can be a cock-up, but that connotes a mistake, a disaster sometimes beyond one person's jerkiness. Contrast that to the phrase "dick move," as in, "that was a total dick move."

I much prefer "cock," and like "cunt"--the two go together. It's the hard "c," which is also part of "fuck." They are all very satisfying, not only as signifiers, but also as signifieds as the post-structuralist kids were all saying about 20 years ago.
(In other words, I like the words themselves almost as much as what they stand for!)

You're right: "cock" is robust. And who wants a wimpy male member?
Posted by nocutename on August 6, 2011 at 10:24 AM · Report this
Roma 222
nocutename, yes, I know that "cock-up" isn't the same thing as calling someone "a dick." I was merely pointing out that it's a way in which "cock" does have a pejorative meaning. It's quite interesting that cock never came to have the same kind of negative meaning that dick, prick, pussy and cunt have.

You're right: "cock" is robust. And who wants a wimpy male member?

Certainly not me! But even though we find the sound of "cock" to be more robust, other guys (and women) may feel that way about "dick" or "prick." After all, those rhyme with "thick" so some people may have that association.

Posted by Roma on August 6, 2011 at 11:48 AM · Report this
nocutename 223
Roma: I also like "prick" for variety's sake!
But cock is preferred.
Posted by nocutename on August 6, 2011 at 11:54 AM · Report this
Roma 224
217/Jo4nna, I love "Lawrence of Alabia"!

105/sea otter: I wonder if the perceived offensiveness of "cunt" has anything to do with it being a monosyllable with hard consonants, unlike the neutral - sounding "vagina" or the slithery "pussy." It's weird how just the sound of a word can affect you emotionally.

That might have something to do with it. "Cunt" does have a much more sharp/harsh sound to it than the other two words. However, I suspect the great dislike of it by many women stems from the fact that it's also used a harsh put-down of women. "Pussy" is used as a put-down too, but it's one that is pretty much used only against men.
Posted by Roma on August 6, 2011 at 11:56 AM · Report this
Roma 225
nocutename, I don't like "prick" for two reasons: (1) I associate prick with being pricked by a needle and a needle is skinny, and (2) it has that "ick" sound. But, that's just me. I'm sure you've been with plenty of guys who like hearing it.
Posted by Roma on August 6, 2011 at 12:03 PM · Report this
226
Vulva. Vulva vulva vulva vulva vulva. Vulva vulva. Vulva. Vulva. If we had decent sex-ed in the US, LW would already know this.

Vulva.
Posted by CheckeredFoxglove on August 6, 2011 at 1:40 PM · Report this
227
Doesn't the use of "vaclabia" suggest that male parts are "pescroticles" (penis+scrotum+testicles)?
Or would "peglotum" (penis+glans+scrotum) be more consistent?
Posted by asquirrel on August 6, 2011 at 3:31 PM · Report this
228
I like vulva, but its not that fun to say, and I can't imagine using it in conversation with my best friend...

How about"chacha"? Like in that Missy Elliott song, "Call before you come I need to shave my chacha"
I may actually start using this in conversation (I usually end up opting for "vag" but hate perpetuating inaccuracies).

But alternately I can live with kitty.
Posted by dropdeadpoet http://wastedpages.tumblr.com on August 6, 2011 at 4:51 PM · Report this
Eva Hopkins 229
@ 162 - thanks for reminding the world that a vulva IS NOT a vagina. I can't tell you how many times I've seen some guy ogling a centerfold & saying - oh, she has one hot vagina, or similar. & I'm like, how d'ya know, have you been up there w/ a speculum? Makes me sorry for their girlfriends. I will beat that drum forever, vulva is a good word.

That's the more official term for the exterior parts. Also acceptable - "the kitty", "ladyparts/ladybits", & having read the above, I kinda like some of the foreign words. But vaclabia? NO plz.

MAKE THIS A SLOG POLL.

*ahem* Thank you.

Posted by Eva Hopkins http://www.lunamusestudios.com on August 6, 2011 at 11:12 PM · Report this
230
Personally, I agree with Dan on the vaclabia thing. To me it sounds like an eastern european region where they pull their cars with donkeys. Growing up we referred to it as a cootchie, but now that I'm grown up I find it hard to call mine that since I don't want to feel like a 5 year old when I'm talking about it. Personally, I think that people over-think the whole issue and are only squeaked out or offended because they have't quite come to terms with having one and talking about it. I love mixing it up and embracing all the wonderful terms there are out there and will happily tell my friends to "jam out with their clam out"

But as for what other languages call it: interestingly in both German and French you can refer to your "pussy" as just that: both "die Muschi" (German) and "la chatte" (French) can mean both the female genitals as well as a cat. One of the cutest phrases I've heard in German is "Mumu", but unfortunately that doesn't work as well in English as it reminds people of the Hawaiian dress. The more offensive German name for it is "Fotze", but that gets used so often to describe someone as a bitch that hardly anyone bats an eye when someone says it, a bit how people use cunt in the UK.
Posted by wasabobbie on August 7, 2011 at 7:03 AM · Report this
231
Muff.

How has no one brought up muff yet? I admit it has a strong male point of view, but so does vagina (sheath).

No one owns swords any more these days. Muff is the perfect transliteration of the latin word vagina for modern times.
Posted by Muff Used For Fucking on August 7, 2011 at 7:52 AM · Report this
232
Charlene Harris used "yahoo palace",

but I like "hoorah palace"

Peace.
Posted by Married in MA on August 7, 2011 at 8:47 AM · Report this
233
Tom Robbins used Peach fish which while clever implies a really negative odor unless you mean fresh fish! Also, I had a lover that affectionately called it my fur piece. I like yoni and though it brings to mind hippies, well, I am one of the oldest at 75 and don't feel the reference is a negative one. Naughty bits cracked me up being a Monty Python fan. BTW do you think that "Monty Python" is a term for the male Naughty bits? Monty as in "The Full Monty" and python implying the male snake like naught bit? Or is this just too obvious and I'm just slow?
Posted by grannylizard on August 7, 2011 at 8:48 AM · Report this
234
Delta of Venus.
Posted by James Hutchings on August 7, 2011 at 3:23 PM · Report this
this guy I know in Spokane 235
How about "Doug"?
Posted by this guy I know in Spokane on August 7, 2011 at 3:40 PM · Report this
236
To quote a friend of mine, Phillip the Foole:

Wabbly bits. Wa like a baby crying, y like ee.
Posted by Tyro on August 7, 2011 at 7:10 PM · Report this
Regular Polyhedra 237
@182 - Rosebuds are generally anuses. I hope you don't bleed from -that- once a month. D:
Posted by Regular Polyhedra on August 7, 2011 at 7:17 PM · Report this
238
My grandma (rest her soul) used to call lady bits "Francis". Imagine my shock the first time I met someone actually named Francis.

Another no vote here for vaclabia. It tries too hard and just doesn't make the grade. But hey, LINY and her partner can call theirs any damn thing they like. It's still a free cuntry.
Posted by nature girl on August 7, 2011 at 7:27 PM · Report this
239
Sugar walls.
Posted by brendan on August 7, 2011 at 10:31 PM · Report this
240
I favour "Quim".

Yes, with a capital.
Posted by Fishface on August 8, 2011 at 7:14 AM · Report this
241
@190: Not really: his doctorate was actually in art history...

@229: If it's a good centerfold, it'll have the labia spread wide so that you can actually see the actual vagina. And isn't that the whole point of porn?
Posted by BlackRose on August 8, 2011 at 7:45 AM · Report this
242
The LW is looking of a word to describe "a woman's genitals in a sexual sense that was positive and fun". Perhaps that request isn't quite clear enough because "in a sexual sense" can be in different settings. When speaking or writing about sex it can be done in far to many differents contexts for any one word to be apropos. Therefore, I'll construe "in a sexual sense" to mean while you are in the throws of passion.

In that regard, I perfer to eat a juicy "CUNT" or a hot, wet "PUSSY". When fucking, I perfer to bottom out deep in your tight little "CUNT" or to stretch that tight little "PUSSY" with my big fat COCK. So let's say that for me I'm down with CUNT or PUSSY as "words to describe a woman's genitals in a sexual sense", and I use them interchangably within the same encounter.

To the contrary, I have no desire to lick your "LADY BITS", or finger your "VAJAYJAY", cram my cock in your "CUNNIE", shoot my load in your "PUNANI" (isn't that a sandwich at Panera?), and if you think I'm gonna suck your "FNARF" juice out of you, you're nuts. Now take out "LADY BITS, VAJAYJAY, CUNNIE, PUNANI AND FNARF" from the sentences above and insert either "CUNT" or "PUSSY" in either place and they work just perfectly!

Oh yeah, and unless I'm in a gangbang with Frankenberry, Count Chocula and Boo Berry, I have no interest in you sitting your "VACLABIA" down on my face!
Posted by Ibentrudaropes on August 8, 2011 at 9:21 AM · Report this
243
@231 "Muff" doesn't work in cold climates, of course. ;)
Posted by TokenCanadian on August 8, 2011 at 9:43 AM · Report this
Mischa Vainburg 244
"Kuma" in Swahili, papaya is a good ole Spanish euphemism.
Posted by Mischa Vainburg http://squidbasedink.wordpress.com on August 8, 2011 at 11:15 AM · Report this
245
I agree with the letter-writer -- most of the slang for women's bits leaves something to be desired. I don't like vaclabia, either, though -- it sounds as silly/ vaguely offensive as most of the euphemisms or scientific labels.

I just call them, "Mah bits," with a faux-southern accent. It's not perfect, but meh. I honestly don't thing any really positive slang for women's bits will be catching on any time real soon -- I mean, in the historical sense of "soon," yeah, maybe in a few decades. But right now, the feminist movement is (historically) still pretty young, and we're still dealing with a lot of socially ingrained patriarchy and male privilege. I mean, look at the word, "Bitch." Some guys can't see anything wrong with it; some feminists have decided to "reclaim" it and proudly term themselves bitch. Some women feel conflicted about it -- they may call another woman a bitch, even in complimentary terms, but hate being called a bitch themselves. I read a quote that said something about how when women are acting within a socially acceptable context, they're referred to in feline terms -- pussy, sex-kitten, even cougar. It's only when a women is perceived as "stepping out of line" that she's referred to in canine (typically male) terms -- a "bitch."

If we can't even agree, as a society, on whether or not the word "bitch" is empowering or degrading, or what context it's okay in, how in the world are we supposed to come up with a brand new, catchy, sex-positive term for women's bits?

I say we just normalize and destigmatize the terms we have. Words have changed before, and they'll change again.
Posted by thatonegirl on August 8, 2011 at 9:09 PM · Report this
Eva Hopkins 246
@ 241 - what is a good centerfold is subjective, but my understanding of anatomy is that the vagina is the inside, the tube, which accepts dildos/cocks/fingers, etc & sometimes pushes out babies. The labia is the outer bits. Let's have a gander at a medical illustration: (link NSFW!)

http://catalog.nucleusinc.com/generateex…

So more hardcore porn, where they open all the way up & show you the money - sure, you can see the opening of a woman's vagina. But the external stuff is the vulva, mons, labia, etc.

I guess it all depends on the magazine or website in question, Black Rose. ;) Me, I sometimes don't need a pinup to be all the way naked, even, for me to think she's hot. (Also NSFW) - http://tinyurl.com/3sgtld7
Posted by Eva Hopkins http://www.lunamusestudios.com on August 8, 2011 at 10:03 PM · Report this
247
Haven't read the billionty or so replies, but... there is a word you could use to describe the female genitalia that includes, the vagina, labia, and clitoris... how about VULVA!
Posted by Bellinghamster on August 9, 2011 at 6:43 AM · Report this
Fifty-Two-Eighty 248
Next time, read the billionty or so replies. Maybe that way you won't look like such a fuckwit.
Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty http://www.nra.org on August 9, 2011 at 6:57 AM · Report this
249
Chocho sounds adorable. If it had been around when I was growing up I might even be straight now.

Nah. But I'd giggle and picture a conga line of lesbians whenever I'd hear a kid refer to a choo-choo train.
Posted by RealityBites on August 9, 2011 at 10:55 AM · Report this
250
After sex last night I thought of comment 242 here and laughed hysterically, in particular the part about 'fnarf.'
Posted by BlackRose on August 12, 2011 at 5:28 PM · Report this
251
I'm all for people calling it whatever the hell they want in their bedroom. Make something up if you want, but I wouldn't count on your slang term going national. I say "pussy" in bed because that's what my boyfriend prefers. I like "cunt" when I'm in the mood to swear about my genitals. When not in a sexual situation, "lady parts" or "bits" get the idea across when you're trying to be casual but not medical. Of course, medically accurate words at the doctor.

After seeing this, though, I'm rather fond of the "Downtown Dining and Entertainment District."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgEXRKIZR…
Posted by oohlookasquirrel on August 17, 2011 at 4:00 PM · Report this
252
Interesting subject; first impressions are everything and my initial thought is I do not like the new word. It makes me feel like I am at the gyno doc.

As a young Latina woman, while growing up I learned the following term from my best friends family and I have always called my pussy my "Panoche" pronounced Paw-Noh-Che.... This has now evolved into "noche" pronounced Noh-Chee when we (my best friend and I) speak to our young daughters and as a woman I like it when my Man-Man BF calls refers to my pussy as my "Xoche" pronouced Choach in our own conversations. LOL

But when I'm fucking him I am thinking in my head -how amazing it is that his big fat COCK is in my PUSSY!

So the initial part of my comment is more of a household term whereas the stimulating choice of mine would be utilize the sexy terms PUSSY or CUNT which I never used when younger so when I do now, I feel like a WOMAN.
Posted by wonderwoman on August 19, 2011 at 10:37 AM · Report this
elmsyrup 253
foof.
Posted by elmsyrup on August 26, 2011 at 6:38 PM · Report this

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