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Saturday, November 5, 2011

This Is What Democracy Looks Like (Well, This Is What Democracy Looks Like at a Porn Festival)

Posted by on Sat, Nov 5, 2011 at 3:22 PM

At HUMP! even the ballot boxes get in on the action...

humpballotboxes.jpg

Audience members at HUMP! get to vote for Best Sex, Best Kink, Best Humor, and Best In Show, and they get to stuff their ballots into one of two boxes: Boyhole Starfruit Ballot Box or Girlhole Twatsnatch Ballot Box. (The ballot boxes were named by HUMP!'s majority-female door staff.) And which voterifice do HUMPers prefer? By a two-to-one margin, HUMP!ers prefer Boyhole Starfruit to Girlhole Twatsnatch. We dump out both ballot boxes at the end of every show and there are always twice as many ballots in Boyhole Starfruit as there are in Girlhole Twatsnatch. And it's not just gay dudes who are stuffing it in Boyhole. While gay dudes are responsible some of this year's best films—the fags really brought it—they don't make up 2/3 of the HUMP! audience. Straight girls, straight guys, gay guys, bisexuals: everybody loves Boyhole Starfruit.

In other HUMP! news...

All of today's shows—4, 6, 8, 10, and Midnight—are sold out, but there are rush tickets available before each show. Last night we were able to get almost all rushers in. So if you don't have a ticket and you want to get HUMP!ed, get down to On the Boards 45 minutes before a screening and line up. (If you bought more tickets to a screening than you wound up needing, let us know at the door and we'll sell your ticket to a rusher and give you the money.) Please note: there's a lot of construction on Mercer and traffic is a nightmare. Budget extra time, if you're driving, so you don't miss any of the films.

Also... for folks who've already seen HUMP!, this is your open thread to discuss this year's entries. Did you catch the duct tape in Mythical Proportions? Freaked out by Don't Call Me Missy? Gutted by Knife? Was your mind blown by Go Fuck Yourself? Were carbphobes freaked out by Donut? Creamed by Teenage Dream?

Discuss!

UPDATE: A HUMP!er who stuffed his/her ballot in Girlhole Twatsnatch asks...

wheredykes.JPG

Good question! We only got one submission with girl-on-girl-on(-donut) action this year, and it's in the festival. We've certainly had more dyke porn in the past and we would've loved to have had more this year. We've noticed that in the years when we get lots of gay porn, we don't get as much dyke porn and vice-versa. This year the gay boys brought it. Hopefully next year the dykes will bring it. Consider this a challenge, lady-lovin' ladies.

UPDATE 2: More HUMP! Questions!

Some folks leave notes on the backs of their ballots—penetrating questions for the curators and organizers of Seattle's biggest, best, and only amateur and locally-produced porn festival—and I'm going to reproduce some of them here and answer 'em to the best of my ability. Some people just leave boob doodles on the backs of their ballots. We'll reproduce those here too. (Spoilers ahead, click carefully.)

hump2dicks.jpg

It's not true that there are only two films this year without dicks. There are a few lady-self-pleasurin' films with no dicks in 'em at all. But there is—without a doubt—not nearly enough dyke and/or girl-on-girl and/or dickless action this year, as I acknowledged earlier. And here's what a lesbian on the HUMP! jury had to say about the general dickfulness of this year's HUMP!: "There weren't any girl-on-girl films submitted but the one," says lesbian HUMP! jury member who is sitting beside me here at OTB. "We didn't turn any away. It would've been nice to have more." I'll translate: If you want to see more dyke or girl-on-girl porn in HUMP!, make more dyke and/or girl-on-girl porn for HUMP!

humpdickdoodle.jpg

Nice!

humpwantmorehet.jpg

Mild spoiler alert for folks who haven't been to HUMP! yet: of the 23 films in HUMP! this year, twelve are hetero, seven are gay, two are ladies-only-self-pleasurin', one is girl-on-girl action, and one is girl-on-girl light saberin'. So it's mostly hetero, grumpy hetero HUMP!er. Yes, you had to watch some gay stuff at HUMP! But the gays had to watch a lot more straight stuff. So chill the fuck out, 'kay?

hump2ballots.jpg

Random!

humpnotfair.jpg

Four grand prizes are awarded at HUMP!—"Best Kink" ($1000), "Best Sex" ($1000), "Best Humor" ($1000), and Best In Show ($4000)—with winners chosen by semi-secret audience ballot. (Sometimes I ask people who they're voting for when they're filing out of the theater.) All films qualify for "Best In Show." People are free to vote for a film in any category that it qualifies in. Films without actual sex in them, or without any kink in 'em, or that aren't in the least bit funny, don't qualify for sex or kink or humor awards, respectively.

Why not let the audience sort it out? Well, take the sex prize. There's a lot of erotica in HUMP!, some great animation, and some hot films that feature simulated sex. We love those films, and on more than one occasion one of 'em has won "Best In Show." We created the "Best Sex" prize because we think filmmakers and performers who actually have sex on camera—we count masturbation as sex—deserve special recognition. It's a porn festival, after all. That's why we don't allow you to vote in the "Best Sex" category for a film with no actual sex in it.

And allowing a few random/confused people to vote for a film in a category that it doesn't have any chance of winning—allowing kink votes film with no kink, or humor votes for a film that isn't funny—could drain votes away from a film in the category or categories that it actually has a chance of winning, which wouldn't do the filmmakers any favors.

humplongform.jpg

Beautiful!

 

Comments (43) RSS

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mr. herriman 1
i was warned ahead of time about 'knife,' so i kept my ballot in front of my eyes. i peeked around it a few times just to get an idea of what was going on, but i didn't really watch. the audience reaction told me i was making the right decision. consider yourselves warned, HUMP!ers!
Posted by mr. herriman on November 5, 2011 at 3:29 PM · Report this
2
Every year, I'm sad I live too far away to attend HUMP!
I'm determined to get there for it, someday.
Posted by MacNewf on November 5, 2011 at 4:04 PM · Report this
Baxter 3
I'm sad that I may never get to watch "Teenage Dream" again. Talk about uplifting erotica!
Posted by Baxter http://www.jessicabaxter.com on November 5, 2011 at 4:18 PM · Report this
MacCrocodile 4
@1 - There's one every year, isn't there. Interesting how in situations like that, it never occurs to us to just close our eyes.

Thanks for the warning.
Posted by MacCrocodile http://maccrocodile.com/ on November 5, 2011 at 4:22 PM · Report this
mr. herriman 5
'teenage dream' was perfection.
Posted by mr. herriman on November 5, 2011 at 4:31 PM · Report this
6
Last night was awesome!
Thank you Dan and all the performers for a really fun evening.

Also, I must admit to have just realized that I shoved my vote in a butthole... I just thought the star was an akward shape to choose for ballot stuffing! LOL
If it helps the data analysis, I'll clarify that I only saw 1 box on my way out, and they were not placed next to each other, for the sake of inaccurate extrapolations.

I will agree that Knife definitely made me clench in my seat and had to hug my frightened boobs, but by and large the evening had a lot of hillarious, sexy, lighthearted moments, from One Night Only, or Go Fuck Yourself to Mythical Proportions and others, with some artsy lovemaking like Music for 2 Humans, or the impressive WWF scenes from Don't Call Me Missy. And must confess, that during A Day at the Beach, my thoughts went to the number of cocks the animators had to draw. Impressive!

Another year, another Hump!
Posted by Marina on November 5, 2011 at 4:54 PM · Report this
care bear 7
When I was filing out of the theater I was definitely pushed toward the Boyhole Starfruit Ballot Box. I would have had to block traffic to even see the other one.
Posted by care bear on November 5, 2011 at 5:46 PM · Report this
8
The Boyhole Starfruit Ballot Box is cuter.
Posted by random_lez on November 5, 2011 at 5:50 PM · Report this
11
It was my first HUMP! Wheeeeeeeeee!

Hey Dan, I was the chick at the end of the very first show that suggested adding a "Best Technical Achievement in Porn" category. This is my reminder, just in case. I would have given it to the shadow puppet animation this year ("The Miller's Daughter").

I have always had to vicariously enjoy the HUMP talk on Slog, not having been able to go to a show myself. My husband couldn't go this year (I think I was the only solitary person at my screening), so I chose not to vote and I saved my ballot to take home to show him. It was the easiest way to bring him a little HUMP souvenir, and to let him see all the titles and categories (and jog my memory too, because I never seem to see a full list of the films on Slog). Is it possible to make minimalist programs for future shows, so there's a take-home thing for those that want it? I would happily pay for one.
Posted by Sacrelicious on November 5, 2011 at 8:33 PM · Report this
alithea 13
<3 teenage dream forever <3
Posted by alithea on November 5, 2011 at 10:04 PM · Report this
15
My personal favorite was Kill Screen, which just hit all the right buttons for me. The next day, reflecting back on it, some of the gay ones were my favorites for the comedy. A Day At The Beach was so funny, it felt like it should be in Spike and Mike's Animation Festival. Teenage Dream is equally delightful and funny.

Also, does Furry Sex count as hetero? Because it could of been all girls on the screen for all we know.
Posted by Patr0ck http://patrick.livejournal.com on November 5, 2011 at 11:16 PM · Report this
biju 16
How about a category for most innovative/creative. surely there's enough in the pot for another cash prize. pS whoever came up with the idea to sell shots was a fucking genius.
Posted by biju on November 5, 2011 at 11:20 PM · Report this
17
Too much pixelly gooop! Other then that great times! Thanks for hosting, but how about the next year make HD a theme, most camera's will do some version of it.
Posted by j2patter on November 6, 2011 at 12:38 AM · Report this
Turtle 18
The girl hole looks a little Eye of Sauron-ish.
Posted by Turtle on November 6, 2011 at 4:59 AM · Report this
19
Too bad I don't live in Seattle, by almost a hemisphere...

I'm deeply curious about all the praise heaped on Teenage Dream. Would anyone care to, ahn, describe the plot?
Posted by ankylosaur on November 6, 2011 at 5:21 AM · Report this
nocutename 20
I wish HUMP would go on the road. I'm not as far away as ankylosaur, but still can't get to Seattle.
How about a Bay Area/SF viewing?
Posted by nocutename on November 6, 2011 at 7:09 AM · Report this
care bear 21
I thought there wasn't a whole lot of actual hetero sex. Which probably means not enough straight people turned in good sex videos.
Posted by care bear on November 6, 2011 at 8:47 AM · Report this
Arsenic7 22
I felt some categories this year were lacking, others were stuffed tot he brim with good stuff. The more comedy oriented films this year were awesome but there wasn't a lot of incredible hetero or lesbian sex.

And yes, the gays really brought it. It's like there was some sort of concerted effort by them to make the hottest HUMP submissions as a community.
Posted by Arsenic7 on November 6, 2011 at 9:06 AM · Report this
beatgrl 23
Did anyone see any duct tape, etc. in Teenage Dream? Other than that omission (not made for hump I guess?) it was spectacular. Such fabulous acting!

My husband went for the centaur fetishists, though. Way to represent!!

I finally got to meet Dan last night and I was too tongue tied to say anything meaningful. Bummer.
Posted by beatgrl on November 6, 2011 at 10:42 AM · Report this
24
@19, there is a nice writeup by blaghag with spoilers. http://freethoughtblogs.com/blaghag/2011…
Posted by octohat on November 6, 2011 at 10:59 AM · Report this
25
I wish this event was a traveling thing...I just recently moved to AZ from OR and would have loved to go to this!
Posted by AZ/ORGirl on November 6, 2011 at 11:17 AM · Report this
26
There were definitely some great ones this year and I felt bad not being able to vote for all the ones I liked (A Day at the Beach and Mythical Proportions). Had a really good time for my 2nd Hump...even after enduring Knife and the creepy blood loaded one.
Posted by Falcon on November 6, 2011 at 11:21 AM · Report this
28
@1: Thanks mr. herriman for the warning. I will definitely close my eyes and plug my ears during Knife!
Posted by Libby Blue on November 6, 2011 at 11:28 AM · Report this
29
@26: Falcon, what is the name of the "creepy blood loaded one?" I can't take blood or cutting at all. Please tell me the name of it so I can be prepared to close my eyes. Thank you!
Posted by Libby Blue on November 6, 2011 at 11:31 AM · Report this
30
@24: octohat, THANK YOU for posting that link!! I really need to be warned about which films I won't be able to keep my eyes open for. So thank you! it's exactly what I was looking for!
Looking forward to going next weekend!
Posted by Libby Blue on November 6, 2011 at 11:37 AM · Report this
super manga/anime/videogame/movie e.t.c expert 31
I've got a good and interesting question:I'm a serious anime fan...so WHERE IS THE "HENTAI" OR "ECCHI" PORN??? every year you host this event,and every year it's the same old boring amateur porn...I would go to this event IF they had Hentai or ecchi drawn by local independent artists...if you call yourselves "independent",then make a Hentai or ecchi film and show it!!!
Posted by super manga/anime/videogame/movie e.t.c expert on November 6, 2011 at 11:38 AM · Report this
32
@Heidi, I don't remember the name... might have repressed it :) All I can say is that when one starts out with 2 girls pulling a guy off the sidewalk, you'll want to take a mental vacay.
Posted by Falcon on November 6, 2011 at 12:25 PM · Report this
34
This year's competition for funniest was extremely *tight*! Loved Mythical Proportions, One Night Only, Go Fuck Yourself. I couldn't watch Knife either. I felt like I didn't have anything to vote for in the Best Sex category because none of the films were that sexy. Teenage Dream was hot but didn't contain any actual sex. I was looking for more of the hot gay action from last year's Ad Men.
Posted by Amanda on November 6, 2011 at 2:30 PM · Report this
35
@Falcon and @33 THANK YOU!!! I need the warnings!
Excited to see the rest of it though :) :) :)
Posted by Libby Blue on November 6, 2011 at 2:54 PM · Report this
36
It's funny, Teenage Dream is the only one I did NOT like. It had nothing going for it, no sex, no actual nudity, nothing exciting or original. Just a bunch of gym clones prancing around in their underwear, showing off their shaved pecs, to one of the most overplayed annoying songs of the year. Lame! I wouldn't have even accepted it into the festival. Mythical Proportions was brilliant. The Day at the Beach was the hottest to me by far. The hetero zombie one was kinda hot too in a creepy way. The hetero couple beating up on each other was awesome. Good for them for putting it out there. So many great shorts this year. The knife fucking = my eyes closed. The most outrageous one was the two chicks reattaching dudes' penises, lol
Posted by boogie on November 6, 2011 at 4:09 PM · Report this
37
No bi films at all? How odd.
Posted by jzimbert on November 6, 2011 at 5:19 PM · Report this
38
There was a bi film.
Posted by Dan Savage on November 6, 2011 at 5:37 PM · Report this
Mike 39
I think limiting which film is eligible for which category was a good idea.

I have a suggestion. Please add 5 seconds or so of white screen between each film. It would make a huge difference in my (and I think other people's) ability to take notes on various films on the fly. While the films are rolling, it is typically a) hard for me to see my ballot except during scenes with a lot of white, and b) hard for me to take my attention from the current short to jot down notes about the last short. Adding some time and light between each one would be more fair, I think - by the time I get a chance to vote, I've typically forgotten what many of the first 10 shorts were.
Posted by Mike on November 6, 2011 at 8:00 PM · Report this
40
Yeah, I agree with @39. I spent the first few seconds of most films squinting down at my ballot and making notes about the previous film.
Posted by Amanda on November 6, 2011 at 11:58 PM · Report this
41
OK, after repeatedly lecturing us that gay sex <> anal sex, you go with the stereotypical male anus and female vagina ballot boxes. What about someone who wants to shove it (be "it" a penis or a dildo) in HER ass? What about gays, straights, trans, etc. that would prefer to shove it in his or her mouth?
Posted by LML on November 7, 2011 at 9:06 AM · Report this
42
And where was the asexual porn??? (Just kidding--I didn't actually attend!)
Posted by LML on November 7, 2011 at 9:07 AM · Report this
brandobean 44
I made a note that I really liked some of the music soundtracks of the films this year. Specifically, the dark harmonica infused music behind the zombie one and the baked flute-drenched French soft-rock behind the sillouetted "Miller's daughter" one (all it said was music by "focus"). Anyone have info on those?

Ps: I too loved teenage dream, but wished it was racier. It was barely racy enough for cable television. The first James bond one was good because it was clearly made on NO budget and had real bi-sex in it.
Posted by brandobean on November 7, 2011 at 10:49 AM · Report this
45
@43: I haven't seen it yet so don't know why it disturbed those who saw it. But I don't like blood or cutting, so knife play just seems too scary and icky for me personally. I will likely have to shut my eyes for Knife.
Posted by Libby Blue on November 7, 2011 at 12:42 PM · Report this
46
There is NO blood in Knife.
Posted by That1guy on November 7, 2011 at 5:23 PM · Report this
47
There are no dykes in Donut check this posting:

http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archive…
Posted by olivergold on November 7, 2011 at 8:31 PM · Report this
48
@knifelover: I'm totally cool with people that love knife or things like that. Scenes like that just make me super nervous and uncomfortable.

Sometimes I'm a pansy :)
Posted by Falcon on November 7, 2011 at 9:54 PM · Report this
49
@46: good to know, thanks. No actual cutting either?
Posted by Libby Blue on November 8, 2011 at 10:08 AM · Report this
50
Confidential to the makers of Teenage Dream: Please, please post online!!!! Even an edited no nuditiy version! You made our night maybe our lives but I would love to see something that awesome over and over again!
Posted by Teenage Dreamer on November 19, 2011 at 2:39 PM · Report this

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