A reporter interviews a Perry supporter while he still can.
  • A reporter interviews a Perry supporter while he still can.
So I just attended a caucus in downtown Des Moines. There were exactly sixty caucusgoers spread over two precincts, with almost as many reporters and photographers crammed into one little room. A Perry representative in cowboy boots had festooned the front of the building and the inside of the room with pro-Perry signs and was greeting people as they walked in. "I'd love it if you'd consider giving Rick Perry your vote," he'd purr. One woman told him she disliked Perry's debate performance. "People don't know this, but he had back surgery, so he stumbled a little bit because of that, but he's doing a lot better now" the Perry flack said. "He stumbled a lot," the woman mumbled, before hugging her friend from the Romney team. Every person who walked into the room was descended upon by the Perry flack and a horde of cameras and microphones. It was like a low-rent red carpet where everyone was a celebrity.

The caucuses began right at seven. The precinct captain opened with: "It's a good night to be an Iowan, right? We've got enough cameras here." He asked if anyone was willing to represent the candidates with a minute-and-a-half speech. Perry, obviously, had an advocate. A preppy young man wearing a Romney t-shirt stepped in for his man. Someone volunteered to talk for "Newt." And then an awkward forty-ish-year-old man cleared his throat. "I'll speak for Ron Paul if nobody else will," he said. Nobody volunteered to speak for Santorum, Bachmann or any of the other candidates.

"Honestly, I'm worried for my country," the Perry flack announced. He said he'd come to Iowa from Arkansas "on my own dime" because he believes that "Perry is a true conservative outsider." He explained several of Perry's programs he likes, particularly a "part-time Congress, which I think is just brilliant." Perry, he insisted, was a "Good Christian man and a leader" who, paraphrasing Reagan, represented the "bold colors" of conservatism, not the "pastels" of moderates. He said a moderate "like Bob Dole and John McCain" would not win the general election.

"Newt sent me," said the Gingrich representative, who then in a rote voice read "a letter from Newt." Someone from Fox News started talking into the camera and walking around the room in a live feed, so I didn't hear what the Gingrich guy had to say. The Ron Paul speaker opened by saying "you should listen to what Ron Paul has to say." He broke up a little bit talking about the "young men and women dying overseas." He continued, "no other person that I know of has tried to tell the truth like him. You should listen to Ron Paul. The Federal Reserve is fake money."

Mitt Romney's representative thanked "the gentleman from out of town" for bringing up the Reagan quote, but said Romney meets all those criteria of conservatism. "Our federal government is a failing enterprise," he said, and "Romney has walked into failing enterprises and turned them around. He is unrivalled in his business experience." His primary example was how Romney "Turned the Olympics around," and how he "walked into Massachusetts" and "left two billion dollars on the desk for his successor." Romney, he said, was an "ultra-family guy."

Then came the time for votes: "Our main objective as conservatives is, we are out to defeat Barack Obama. That is the bottom line," a precinct captain said before the voting began. The Perry guy bowed his head in what was at least a reasonable facsimile of prayer. The results were lopsided:

Precinct 65

Ron Paul 22
Mitt Romney 13
Rick Santorum 5
Newt Gingrich 3
Uncommitted 2

Precinct 57

Ron Paul 5
Rick Perry 4
Newt Gingrich 3
Mitt Romney 2
Rick Santorum 1

Once the results were announced, the cameras flushed out of the room in an instant. I'm writing this on the floor of the Occupy the Caucuses headquarters, where they just announced Ron Paul was in the lead. A female Occupier, her voice dripping with sarcasm, chanted "Keep women in the kitchen! Keep women in the kitchen!" I'm going to the Romney and Gingrich parties after this, and I'll report back on those later tonight. Pray for me.