You like me, you really like me! New Hampshire homeowner Mitt Romney won the New Hampshire Republican presidential primary with 39 percent of the vote, becoming the first non-incumbent Republican to win both Iowa and New Hampshire. Or something. Assuming Romney really did win Iowa. Not that an eight-vote margin is much more of a win than a tie. Also, not that many Republicans actually bothered to vote. But it was big win! Or something.

Europe sucks balls. Or so says Mitt Romney. Not that that's a bad thing.

All the cool kids support gay marriage. And so does Republican state Senator Cheryl Pflug, making her the second senate Republican, after Steve Litzow, to publicly embrace same-sex marriage.

Tough on crime. Outgoing Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour, once considered a top-tier candidate for the Republican presidential nomination despite being a man with a girl's name, pardoned 193 criminals before leaving office yesterday. That brings his grand total to 203 pardons over two terms, including 17 convicted murderers.

Tough on peaceful protesters. King County deputies brought a SWAT team and an armored vehicle to an early morning eviction of nine Occupy Seattle protesters from a house at 23rd and E. Jefferson. The nine occupiers left peacefully, and no weapons were found.

Better stock up on Twinkies. Hostess Brands, the maker of Twinkies and Wonder Bread, filed for "Chapter 22" today, its second Chapter 11 bankruptcy since 2009. Guess the company isn't as well preserved as its products.

I'm sure we had absolutely nothing to do with it. An Iranian nuclear scientist was killed in a car bomb in Tehran this morning, the fourth such reported attack on Iranian nuclear scientists in two years.

The UW's future admissions policy? A woman was trampled to death, and several other people were seriously injured in a stampede to win scarce open slots at the University of Johannesburg.

About time: Conservative political commentator Pat Buchanan says blacks and "militant gay rights groups" are out to get him.

We're one minute closer to Doomsday! Oh my God, it might snow a little this weekend! Also, we're one minute closer to Doomsday.