by Dan Savage
on Wed, Jan 18, 2012 at 1:06 PM
I was diagnosed with MS one year ago. I am a happily married straight woman. We have been married for 15 years and together for 16. The MS effects my left side, which sucks cause I'm a lefty. Basically I feel broken. I can't hold my left leg up unless I use my hand to do it. I don't think this bothers my hubby, but it bothers me. I think it effects my sex drive. I don't want it as much. It is just another way I'm broken. I can't chase my toddler around, I have no balance, I must walk with a cane. I can't do things I used to without getting tired.
But my question for you: how do I stop feeling broken in bed?
Broken Seeking Help
My response after the jump...
I don't want to minimize what you're going through—I fucking ache for you—but we are all broken or headed that way, BSH.
Let your husband love you.
Get some cushions and bolsters—there are ones out there designed specifically for sex—that will allow you to lounge in the old, familiar positions that you enjoyed before evil, stupid, rotten MS took hold of the left side of your body. And please talk to your doctor about your depression... and... if you're down with it... think about trying a little medicinal marijuana. It gives some folks an appetite, which everyone knows, but it makes some folks crazy-ass horny, which not everyone knows (but many are delighted to discover). You might even want to look into the medicinal use of MDMA—yes, ecstasy—which has been used to treat depression and PTSD. A little MDMA therapy might help you tap back into the love in your life, the love of your life, and your love for life.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm sorry you've been cheated of so much. But please don't let depression cheat you out of more than MS already has.