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Thursday, January 19, 2012

Lunchtime Quickie: Thinking of Premarital Sex?

Posted by on Thu, Jan 19, 2012 at 12:30 PM

Well, meet Purity Bear! This is NOT a parody.

 

Comments (33) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
Purity bear vs Pedobear. Who would you bet on?
Posted by I Love IPA on January 19, 2012 at 12:42 PM
2
@1: "I know she's cuddly. Look at me, I'm cuddly."

Are you sure they're not one and the same?
Posted by digitalwitch on January 19, 2012 at 12:43 PM
Bub 3
Is that Steven Wright voicing the Purity Bear?
Posted by Bub on January 19, 2012 at 12:45 PM
4
Does the sign on the door really say, "'Please use front entrance"? Now that's rich...
Posted by BrendanP on January 19, 2012 at 12:45 PM
scary tyler moore 5
glad i forwarded this onto you, kelly o.
Posted by scary tyler moore http://pushymcshove.blogspot.com/ on January 19, 2012 at 12:46 PM
Sargon Bighorn 6
If it works for some kids so much the better. No one wants kids having kids that they have no clue how to take care of.
Posted by Sargon Bighorn on January 19, 2012 at 12:48 PM
COMTE 7
Because choosing a creepy, invisible stuffed bear that talks only to you, over a real-live person is ALWAYS the best choice...
Posted by COMTE http://www.chriscomte.com on January 19, 2012 at 12:49 PM
spamky 8
My awkward meter just exploded
Posted by spamky on January 19, 2012 at 12:53 PM
9
Standing with you in front of some planks, now this feels awesome.
Posted by Skip on January 19, 2012 at 12:55 PM
Bruce Garrett 10
The name Purity Bear somehow reminds me of National Lampoon's Uncle Buckle the Safety Buffalo.
Posted by Bruce Garrett http://brucegarrett.com/brucelog on January 19, 2012 at 12:57 PM
11
There is no way that isn't a parody. I mean, those two whiteys are NOT virgins. What if he came inside and just cuddled and kissed her for a while and went to the bathroom to whack it alone. Is that still pure enough ?
Posted by randomitis on January 19, 2012 at 12:57 PM
ArtBasketSara 12
....he's a bit presumptuous, no?

And that boy is going home to spend a few rough and tumble minutes with Mr Purity Bear...and I have to assume he's designed to be washing machine safe?
Posted by ArtBasketSara on January 19, 2012 at 1:07 PM
Helenka (also a Canuck) 13
Is it my imagination, but doesn't she look sorta, kinda like Bristol Palin? Just saying.
Posted by Helenka (also a Canuck) on January 19, 2012 at 1:08 PM
TheMisanthrope 14
It's a student film...so I give slack. Not enough to stop me from wondering if the teen did the purity bear...but a student film always has elements of naïveté.
Posted by TheMisanthrope on January 19, 2012 at 1:08 PM
Helenka (also a Canuck) 15
@11
No-no-no-no-NO.

By their book, there shall be no WHACKING (or any other slippery solo adventures) in the goal to maintain PURITY. Even kissing is a big no-no for many. Perhaps an arm around her shoulders when her folks are home and in the same room would be okay. Maybe.
Posted by Helenka (also a Canuck) on January 19, 2012 at 1:11 PM
16
@3 or his brother

@6, not sure they're any older or more ready to have kids by the end of it, but they now have the legal complexities of divorce to deal with if they find out they're sexually incompatible or otherwise unsuited to marriage. Good thing they stayed pure.

Not to mock you, just the spot. I agree we don't need anymore kids having kids, married or not.
Posted by I Love IPA on January 19, 2012 at 1:13 PM
17
@2 and in a voice so very not cuddly, ala @3. Perhaps they are they same and he's been lurking by the back door (@4!) ever since he saw the parents leave?
Posted by I Love IPA on January 19, 2012 at 1:19 PM
18
I'm confused. Is he supposed to go home and fuck the teddy bear so his splooge lands safely?
Posted by NateMan on January 19, 2012 at 1:24 PM
Matt from Denver 19
Notice how the girl is tempting the nice Christian boy? SLUT. Nice Christian boys NEVER invite girls over to their homes when mom and dad are away.
Posted by Matt from Denver on January 19, 2012 at 1:34 PM
20
I've always imagine a purity bear as some kind of fuzzy sex toy. "Don't have sex with her; have sex with me!"
Posted by TechBear on January 19, 2012 at 1:38 PM
Dougsf 21
Needs more direct lighting.
Posted by Dougsf on January 19, 2012 at 1:39 PM
rob! 22
See you in Dore Alley in about six years, kid.
Posted by rob! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZBdUceCL5U on January 19, 2012 at 1:39 PM
NotSean 23
Later, after Chump went home, the neighbor AND the bear tag-tap'd that sweetheart for hours.

Gawd, I'm a perv.
Posted by NotSean on January 19, 2012 at 1:40 PM
Bauhaus I 24
OK...first, we need to dispel the myth that one is pure if one hasn't had any dick/tang. I've known some pretty mean virgins in my day.
Posted by Bauhaus I on January 19, 2012 at 1:42 PM
ArtBasketSara 25
@20, I will confess to owning a couple of "impurity" bears when I was 12 or 13...

Posted by ArtBasketSara on January 19, 2012 at 1:47 PM
Fred Casely 26
Also, like the sign behind them says, no butt stuff.
Posted by Fred Casely on January 19, 2012 at 2:13 PM
27
@19, I also noticed that it was the girl who was the aggressor, not the pure-white-as-snow boy. Females are just vessels of temptation, you know?
Posted by Schweighsr on January 19, 2012 at 2:34 PM
Confluence 28
@4 FTW

Dude is totally humping purity bear after he gets home. Then again, wait, I forgot. Masturbation is illegal for the uber-religious. I guess he'll be directing his spunk to the Lord via wet dream. He's definitely going to heaven.
Posted by Confluence on January 19, 2012 at 3:10 PM
venomlash 29
WRAP IT UP AND TAP DAT ASS
Posted by venomlash on January 19, 2012 at 3:47 PM
30
i cannot say how much i hate this enough
Posted by grace on January 19, 2012 at 4:18 PM
Roma 31
Hilarious. Thanks for posting.
Posted by Roma on January 19, 2012 at 4:46 PM
32
So...you get married for the sex?
Posted by mozzie on January 19, 2012 at 5:38 PM
Allyn 33
A day of purity? I could do that. I could abstain for a day, no problem.
Posted by Allyn on January 20, 2012 at 9:25 AM

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