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Wednesday, January 25, 2012

What Rick Santorum Needs is a Uterus of His Very Own

Posted by on Wed, Jan 25, 2012 at 7:26 AM

"After everything you've done for Mr. Santorum," writes "Savage Love" reader Jezebel in Wisconsin, "I really think you should share the 'get Rick his own damn uterus so he'll leave mine alone' campaign with your readers. We should all have a chance to mail that man a tampon."

Delighted, JIW. Here's Jezebel on their campaign:

Rick wants to believe that every uterus is his business, but, in his heart of hearts, he knows that he has no uterus that truly belongs to him. I know that if perhaps he had one to look after and name and teach tricks, he'd probably back off of mine and yours, enthralled with the joys of menstruation, bloating, possible monthly pregnancy, and, later on in life, ladycancers. Even though his Creator cruelly deprived Rick Santorum of a uterus by design, He would not have given human beings brains capable of discovering the wonders of medicine if He did not want us to implant a uterus in Rick Santorum...

Rick Santorum has shown the American people time and time again that he's the most anti-abortion of all the candidates, that more than anything, he wishes to have a uterus inside of him, so he can put a baby in it. And now, I'm appealing to you, American people. Let's give Rick Santorum all the uterine delights that most women casually take for granted. I'm imploring all of you to consider making a small donation to the Rick Santorum campaign today, so that we can help make Rick's dream of owning a uterus a reality. If you can't afford to donate a uterus, look inside your heart and consider donating something smaller, to help Rick care for his new friend.

1 Tampon will provide protection from three to seven hours of menstruation
1 Pad will provide Rick's new uterus with less invasive protection and overnight protection
1 Pregnancy test will let Rick know when his uterus is pregnant
1 Pack of Plan B will give Rick the opportunity to flush it down the toilet while crying "No! No! I'm going to have your baby!"
1 IUD will give Rick the opportunity to pretend that it's a Jaws Harp before throwing it away
$500 to $3000 will cover the cost of delivery for Rick's uterus's baby

On this day after the anniversary of Roe v. Wade, I call for you, America, to respect the rights of the man born without a uterus to have one of his own to manage. Donations can be sent to Rick Santorum's Florida campaign headquarters.

1680 Fruitville Road
Suite 102
Sarasota, FL 34236

Please don't send Rick $3000—not unless you want 300 ugly sweater vests showing up on your doorstep a few weeks later. But I love the idea of burying Rick's campaign headquarters in tampons, pads, and pregnancy tests! Might want gift Rick a few rape kits after his recent comments about the "gift" of a rapebaby.

 

Comments (49) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
Cato the Younger Younger 1
I still think that Mrs. Santorum needs to prove (with medical records) she has never had an abortion. And until she proves she hasn't we need to call Rick Santorum a "husband of a baby killer".
Posted by Cato the Younger Younger on January 25, 2012 at 7:38 AM · Report this
BLUE 2
Just visited his website (I know, but they paid to be advertised above the more popular site), and found this listed among his many legislative initiatives:

"Chimera Prohibition Act (Co-sponsor) - This bill would have prevented chimeras (human-animal genetic hybrids) created with uniquely human genetic characteristics. Animal could not be fused with human brain or reproductive tissue. This ban would also ban human embryos from being implanted in animals."

I guess he needs that uterus so his baby doesn't have to develop in a sheep or hog (with Hitler's brain?).
Posted by BLUE on January 25, 2012 at 7:41 AM · Report this
3
Very funny post, but I think you mean 30 sweaters, not 300. Unless he's marked the price down to $10.
Posted by Margaretta on January 25, 2012 at 7:57 AM · Report this
Vince 4
How man rapebabies has this stupid asshole adopted?
Posted by Vince on January 25, 2012 at 8:03 AM · Report this
Vince 5
'many" fuck!
Posted by Vince on January 25, 2012 at 8:04 AM · Report this
6
Rick Santorum can have my uterus, since he desires the ability to carry a child to term so badly that he's willing to force every woman in America to allow him to live vicariously through them. He can up and take mine, because I guarantee that if anything tries to implant itself while it's *my* uterus, I will do my damndest to make sure it doesn't make it out alive.
Posted by suddenlyorcas on January 25, 2012 at 8:40 AM · Report this
skjaere 7
Can I get him a menstrual cup? They're so much more environmentally friendly than pads or tampons, and better for vaginas, too (I'm assuming Rick will be getting one of those along with his shiny new uterus).

I can't decide which is more disgusting; santorum or Santorum. When will people stop taking this jackass seriously?
Posted by skjaere on January 25, 2012 at 9:35 AM · Report this
8
Given how obsessed Frothy Mix is with gay sex, I'd assumed that what he really wanted was a cock in his ass, but I guess that doesn't preclude also having a uterus.
Posted by tiktok on January 25, 2012 at 9:56 AM · Report this
Njoy 9
Don't forget to send him a couple douches too!
Posted by Njoy on January 25, 2012 at 10:05 AM · Report this
10
Posted on the link that I shared about this on my Facebook wall (From a Woman)

"Such a sad thing for someone to say about a man of God. If women out there who don't want to get pregnant would stop opening their legs for every man that comes along she would not need an abortion. Just cause a child is not out of the womb does not mean it is not human. You are murdering children left and right cause you can't take the precautions necessary to keep from getting pregnant. Leave the man alone."

Excuse me while I go verbally bitch slap her.
Posted by Hopiwan on January 25, 2012 at 10:37 AM · Report this
11
Freud was wrong: what makes the world go on isn't penis envy; it's womb envy.
Posted by Clayton on January 25, 2012 at 10:46 AM · Report this
debug 12
"Jaw Harp" or "Jew's Harp", not a "Jaws Harp" unless it is being played by Richard Kiel.
Posted by debug on January 25, 2012 at 11:02 AM · Report this
13
I can't stand people who think MY uterus is THEIR business. I calmly explained to someone that that if they feel abortions are morally wrong, all you have to do is not have one yourself (and since it was a heterosexual man I was talking to) not date/marry a woman who was pro-choice.

His response was to threaten to show up at my house with a shotgun and blow my face off because in my opinion "murder is legal."

I really hate people.
Posted by ladyrockess on January 25, 2012 at 11:13 AM · Report this
14
Just got told to quit picking on him, again
Posted by Hopiwan on January 25, 2012 at 11:28 AM · Report this
despicable me 15
No self-respecting uterus would have him.
Posted by despicable me on January 25, 2012 at 11:46 AM · Report this
stirwise 16
@13 Did you point out that threatening to shoot someone in the face is actually illegal, not just pretend illegal?
Posted by stirwise on January 25, 2012 at 11:46 AM · Report this
17
@16 I really should have, but I was trying to be reasonable, and I thought it would unnecessarily inflame him.
Posted by ladyrockess on January 25, 2012 at 11:47 AM · Report this
venomlash 18
@2: Wow, that man does not know what a chimera is.
Posted by venomlash on January 25, 2012 at 11:52 AM · Report this
19
Is Santorum's headquarters really on Fruitville Road? Giggle snicker titter etc.
Posted by Easily amused on January 25, 2012 at 12:06 PM · Report this
20
Since his boyfriend is apparently too cheap to do so I'm starting a fund raising drive to buy Dan Savage an inflatable doll that looks like Rick Santorum. Sure, it'll be expensive, but the poor sick bastard clearly has lost what passes with him for a mind with this whole unrequited passion thing. And everyone knows a decent guy like Mr. Santorum wouldn't touch that middle aged deviant Savage with a 10 foot disinfected pole.

Hopefully poor little Savage can work his odd issues out this way in the privacy of his own home. Or bathhouse. Or gay bar restrooom. Or public bus, since there really isn't anything beyond the pale for that weirdo.

I'd ask that the Stranger staff set it up, but they'd only spend the money on torches for 'peaceful' marches on police stations.
Posted by Seattleblues on January 25, 2012 at 12:10 PM · Report this
newweddingplanet 21
Yep! As explained in my blog today: http://www.newweddingplanet.com/membersh…
William Ray, PhD
Posted by newweddingplanet http://www.newweddingplanet.com on January 25, 2012 at 12:31 PM · Report this
Matt from Denver 22
@ 20, after that comment, I'm don't think Dan's the one with "odd issues."
Posted by Matt from Denver on January 25, 2012 at 12:32 PM · Report this
kim in portland 23
Be sure to get yourself a "Dan Savage" doll, Seattleblues.! After all one who posts comments from Italy about someone they hate is a tad obsessive. You could hunker down to your doll with an espresso and yell for hours. Pretty cheap therapy.

I know nevermind, it is nearly 22:00 hrs where your at, and you'll want to be getting back to your phone free and Internet free slice of heaven in Tuscany. The diversions of Italy just aren't what they used to be anymore. Or are you passing through Milian after a quick trip to France? Either way, be careful on the roads.

Buonanotte
Posted by kim in portland http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/11/fast-paced_video_provides_a_fu.html on January 25, 2012 at 12:42 PM · Report this
24
FYI for all the women with the 'right' to murder.

You don't have any right to put children at risk for your personal convenience, born or unborn. Don't want children? Don't get pregnant. No girl over the age of 12 doesn't understand how birth control prevents conception, don't bother telling me sexually active adult women don't.
Posted by Seattleblues on January 25, 2012 at 12:56 PM · Report this
Matt from Denver 25
@ 24, what about victims of rape and incest? Can they all be expected to be on the pill and fitted with a diaphram at age 10, just in case? Or did you cover that when you were speaking of "convenience?"

While we're on the topic, how do you explain unplanned pregnancy? Is it just a myth? It must be, if "no girl over the age of 12 doesn't understand how birth control prevents conception," right?

And does a 9 week fetus really qualify as a child? If so, why don't anti-abortion ads ever show them? You know, like ultrasound images? It isn't because they don't look much like children, is it?
Posted by Matt from Denver on January 25, 2012 at 1:30 PM · Report this
26
Actually Seattleblues I grew up in TN and I really seriously had no idea what my vagina was until I started bleeding from it and at that point I got handed a pack of pads. I went to public schools which taught me nothing about my body. My parents were present yet mentally absent through my childhood.

I was raped at 15, luckily not penetrated but raped non the less. I still believed in god back then, so I thanked him over and over again that I couldn't get pregnant because there was only 1 abortion clinic in Memphis and it was always booked solid and had crazy people yelling in front of it.

My conclusion is you are a very short sited human being with zero compassion. I had no idea what condoms were at 15, birth control, etc. The only thing I was ever told was that I should hold a penny between my knees. Thank god I got the internet because you can definitely still have sex with a penny between your knees and I would have figured it out.
Posted by tigntink on January 25, 2012 at 2:10 PM · Report this
BEG 27
Doesn't Santorum HAVE a uterus of his very own? I mean, isn't that what he thinks marriage IS?
Posted by BEG http://twitter.com/#!/browneyedgirl65 on January 25, 2012 at 2:27 PM · Report this
venomlash 28
@25: No such thing as a 9-weel fetus. It's still an embryo then.
Posted by venomlash on January 25, 2012 at 2:37 PM · Report this
very bad homo 29
What Rick Santorum needs is a boyfriend.
Posted by very bad homo on January 25, 2012 at 3:01 PM · Report this
30
SeattleBlues, maybe you should save that money so you can eventually move out of your mom's basement.
Posted by blahcula on January 25, 2012 at 3:12 PM · Report this
Geni 31
You know, I'm seriously considering a hysterectomy: maybe I should actually mail the removed organ to him. I sure as hell don't want it.
Posted by Geni on January 25, 2012 at 4:00 PM · Report this
32
Hey frugal folk - Dollar Tree has pregnancy tests. No joke. I always wondered why they do, and right next to the gum etc at the counter. should I explain to the cashier or let her tell her friends "You would not believe this shit. A girl came in and bought 9
pregnancy tests and a box of Junior Mints!"
Posted by Velouria on January 25, 2012 at 4:15 PM · Report this
Matt from Denver 33
@ 28, that's even less childlike than a fetus.

Okay, SB, VL has corrected me, and I will defer to his expertise on the matter, just as I would defer to yours on topics like the price of lumber. Now, when you decide to turn up tomorrow or whenever (always something in doubt, but never mind), answer me @ 25.
Posted by Matt from Denver on January 25, 2012 at 4:43 PM · Report this
34
#24: Rick Santorum is ALSO against contraception. So there's that.
Posted by drcme on January 25, 2012 at 6:26 PM · Report this
Turtle 35
Some of your readers actually are "rapebabies" and that's a really ugly term to use. I'm pro-choice, but that means also respecting the choice of someone who decides to continue the pregnancy and parent the child, without ever once blaming the "rapebaby" for the crimes of their DNA donor. Bash Rick Santorum all you like, but leave those of us who happen to have been conceived in violence but born in love out of it.
Posted by Turtle on January 25, 2012 at 6:40 PM · Report this
36
Just shipped 4 cases of "heavy day" tampons Rick's way via UPS....
Posted by pgbach on January 25, 2012 at 6:59 PM · Report this
angel in indy 37
They took my uterus out last month. If I had known, I could have had it sent to him
Posted by angel in indy on January 25, 2012 at 7:25 PM · Report this
38
Would anyone mind providing a link to an interview where old frothy mix claims to be against contraception? Maybe I've got too much faith in humanity, but I can't really wrap my mind around someone being both pro-life and anti-birth control. It just seems so contradictory. Could anyone really be that stupid?
Posted by Procrastinator on January 25, 2012 at 7:36 PM · Report this
39
Should we sent Rick some Midol too?
Posted by thejulie on January 25, 2012 at 7:47 PM · Report this
40
#38, a cursory Google search found that Santorum is not on record as wanting to ban contraception. He does believe it to be morally wrong, and would like to end federal funding of such.

http://tinyurl.com/3ep3zmq
Posted by clashfan on January 25, 2012 at 8:36 PM · Report this
ShifterCat 41
@1: In fact, Karen Santorum did have an abortion. But, like all anti-choicers who choose to abort, she claims hers was totally different: http://oursilverribbon.org/blog/?p=188
Posted by ShifterCat on January 25, 2012 at 10:00 PM · Report this
skjaere 42
@24 I grew up and went to high school in western WA in the mid-90's. No one told me about birth control. I had to research it on my own when I got to college and started my first sexual relationship. But even if you know about birth control and use it correctly, no method is 100% effective. Condoms can break. Pills will occasionally fail you. And, as several other people mentioned, rape is not exactly uncommon. Unplanned pregnancy can and does happen. The idea that all 12 year old girls are well-versed in and have access to a ready supply of birth control is fairly ludicrous.
Posted by skjaere on January 25, 2012 at 10:11 PM · Report this
43
Maybe I will let Mr Santorum have my uterus when he makes contraception illegal. I have horrible menstrual pain that literally make me puke, stay 2 days in bed, and make me want to rip my entrails out unless I'm on the pill. I'm not the only one, even if I'm clearly in the minority - thankfully, most women don't have it as bad.
So, if Mr. Santorum thinks I don't need the pill to deal with this, he can have my uterus.
Posted by juli81 on January 26, 2012 at 12:55 AM · Report this
44
If you plan to send the Santorum campaign anything, remember the cost of postage went up the other day.
Posted by My Name Here on January 26, 2012 at 8:05 AM · Report this
45
@43 - I had a similar thing with my periods. For the first two days I was in pain, cramping, dizzy, couldn't focus on anything...had to take prescription codeine to get anything done. Then when I was 18 I didn't want to take codeine to college with me (I was told by the university that I'd get arrested if my roommate stole and sold my medicine), so my doc recommended birth control.

Bam! 7 day period with a regular flow instead of 9 days of heavy flow, and no pain an ibuprofen couldn't handle. Now I'm on a different kind so I get a FOUR day super-light period...it's glorious!
Posted by ladyrockess on January 26, 2012 at 11:07 AM · Report this
46
@26, you're part of the reason why Seattleblues is posting here less and less often: the shock of reality. The more the real world bites him, the less he can claim justifications for his beliefs.

Ah, if all people like him believe that all 12-year-olds 'already know' were true!... Sadly, even many 21-year-olds don't know that yet.
Posted by ankylosaur on January 27, 2012 at 2:04 AM · Report this
47
@35 No one is trying to make it illegal to not have an abortion.
Posted by giffy on January 28, 2012 at 12:06 AM · Report this
48
Fruitville Road. I knew it.
Posted by James Hutchings on January 28, 2012 at 10:25 PM · Report this
49
@20:

Seattleblues has more words on this site about Dan than Dan does about Rick Santorum.
Posted by James Hutchings on January 28, 2012 at 10:40 PM · Report this

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