by Dan Savage
on Fri, Feb 17, 2012 at 12:59 PM
My boyfriend and I have been going out for close to five years. About a year ago, I went to study abroad for a year and told him that while I was gone, he could sleep with other people and I told him to never tell me about it. He told me that he couldn't imagine sleeping with other people and also said that he would be uncomfortable with me sleeping with other guys. Fast forward to me coming back for summer break and I casually ask him if he's slept with anyone and he says yes, then proceeds to lie to me about what happened, and after some snooping (yes, I know it's bad but I was so paranoid), he comes out and tells me that he slept with three women, one of whom is now our mutual friend and knows basically everyone in the city we live in. He brought two of the women back to our house and had sex in our bed and the third I see every week at a bar we would always go to. I also found out that he created several online accounts with dating/sex websites, responded to numerous craigslist ads, and also found online chats with our mutual friends where he basically bragged about who he was going to hook up with that week. I freaked out at all of this and have become that crazy psycho bitch that is paranoid about everything he does. Before this he never gave any sign suggesting he wanted to sleep with other people and so this seemed to be way out of character for him. Now I'm wondering if it's worth staying with him and figuring things out or just dumping his sorry ass and moving on. He tells me he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but now I wonder if he's lying and if he's just using me. Please help me out!
And ladies? Any guy who tells you he "couldn't imagine sleeping with other people" is lying to you. Maybe he's telling you that lie because he's believes he must. Or maybe you've said and done things that have convinced him that telling that lie is the price of admission to be with you. Or maybe he's telling you that lie because—like C's boyfriend here—he doesn't want you imagining what it might be like to sleep with other guys while he fucks around behind your back. But all guys imagine sleeping with other people all the time—actually going through with the shit we imagine doing is another story—and any guy who tells you that he couldn't imagine sleeping with other people is a lying liar who shouldn't be trusted.
And guys? A girl who tells you she couldn't imagine sleeping with other people? Also a liar.